No magic

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just another opinion of me regarding the world and what is happening around me.

Submitted: July 31, 2012

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Submitted: July 31, 2012

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Today, i woke up having the urge to keep my writings somewhere safe. I may be in love, happy, sad or even disappointed. Either ways, that's not why I decided to write today..

I find the idea of a "beautiful world" very elusive.  Where are the good people that everybody is talking about? Why is it that people in general whether good or bad have to hurt everyone around them. Where's the magic in the world, the happy ever afters? Well, they don't exist. People hate me, despite the fact that they don't even know me. And I'm supposed to put on a smile, and pretend that everything is okay. I'm supposed to pretend that i like being here, in this world, in this country. I'm supposed to pretend that I'm okay with my sister traveling for a whole year, with my father being a pessimistic and drawing that awful picture of the world and everyone in it. But i just can't, i can't ignore my sister's feelings towards us for not congratulating her on her graduation, i can't ignore how my mother wakes up everyday to my father's ungrateful face. i can't ignore how my grandmother is growing old and approaching death, how my cousin is going to grow up in an awful place, how everyone is looking after themselves and never sacrificing for others. there is no magic in the world, in MY world, not just today, but i guess it was not there in my past, during the present, and i really hope its there in the future.

I find it sad that we, as normal and perfectly healthy human beings, belittle this life. i saw sick people, about to die, with no hair, with NOTHING, and yet, i saw them smiling. how, i really don't know. Maybe they're denying the harsh reality. Maybe they're living in their own fantasy.

I'm scared. 

I'm scared to death. 

 

Sometimes, i wish i was sick. Because i need something to remind me every now and then of how grateful i am for living another day. I need to find a light, that light they talk about, at the end of every tunnel. i need guidance, and hope, and faith to keep me hanging there. but i don't have those things, because I'm okay. and as much as it may sound contradicting, it makes sense to me. because being okay is normal. 

And I'm not. 


© Copyright 2017 Fadila safwat. All rights reserved.

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