We are a mess

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
Honestly, this is so bad. Like, I haven't even edited it?? I'm so lazy, please forgive me for presenting sloppy work omg

Submitted: March 11, 2016

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Submitted: March 11, 2016

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These days I can't write a word and my lips are sticky with the blood flowing from my nose and we try to avoid looking at each other for more than three seconds. I spend my nights with my back to the headboard of our bed and I kick the covers down to the floor and I bring my knees up to my chin, rest my cheek on them and stare through the window and you are sat at the kitchen counter. Our bed isn't ours anymore, it's mostly mine. I'm the only one who sleeps in it now. I am wondering how we got this bad and how I never noticed it happening. Did it occur over night or did it bruise us from the start? Maddie says that after a while of loving someone, you forget what made you start. Is that what happened to us? Did we forget the fire pits that were our stomaches before we kissed? Are we no longer participants in our own affections? I used to cry when you didn't come to bed with me but now, I like having so much space. What has happened to us? We used to give each other nonsensical nicknames: Jelly Bean. Love Monkey. Klutz for every time you came home to me with a new scrape. We used to find laughter in almost everything, but nothing is humourous anymore and I am incapable of smiling at all. I don't know your body anymore; can't remember the last time I saw it. 

And so I curse the ground on which you kneel, press my palms to my waist and try to imagine how yours felt. I can't remember! I can't remember! I adored your shoulder blades, this I know. Adored how each blade was one side of the ocean and my mouth the boat floating between them. You were obsessed with the crease in my elbows. Would run your tongue across it, kiss the backs of my knees. You don't touch me anymore. Your eyes follow someone else at parties. Your fingertips scalding my skin when we brush together. Layers of my skin, gone at once! 
I wake up horrified, terrified. Where are you? Not here! We are so far apart. There is so much distance between us, always so much distance. I wish to close it, bring myself as far into your body as I can get. Prise open your ribcage and settle myself into your chest. Would you allow me to? Could you bring yourself to touch me? My love, I feel alone! Come to dinner with me, we can talk like old friends meeting again. We can try again. Please, can we try again? I never want to let you go, but I can feel you slipping through my fingertips. Hold on, hold on! 


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