The Pirate

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A joke you can adapt as your own, by changing the narrative to fit your location, easy to remember the punch line, and entertain others.

Submitted: April 25, 2015

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Submitted: April 25, 2015




I used to work for a cruise line in the Port of Miami and sometimes the guys would ask me to go for drinks on Fridays and sometimes I would go.  But I got tired of the regular joints and suggested we visit a bar real sailors frequented.  They know I write stories on the side so they agreed to indulge me, just that once.

As we walked inside few took notice of us city folk as the room was filled with military and freight sailors and cruise ship help.  My eye immediately went to a man sitting alone with a blue frock cut-away coat, a wooden stump for his left leg, a hook for his right hand, and a patch over his right eye.  Leaving my party I addressed the man.

"You look like a pirate.  Do you have any pirate stories?"

"Sonny, I'll be talking until you stop buying."  I signaled for the waitress to set us up as my coworkers sat down with us.

He talked about his days of plunder, conquests, and narrow escapes.  My pals left one by one until only I remained.  I interrupted him.  "Sir, I must get home to the missus but I am curious, how did you lose your leg?"

"A furious gale off Cuba.  I slipped overboard and a shark took off me leg below the knee."

"May I ask about your right hand?" 

"Ahrrh.  Boarding a frigate without an invitation, a scurvy dog Spaniard's cutlass took it off."  He emptied his glass and asked, "A last grog, matey?"

I signaled for the waitress for another and asked for the bill.  "How did you lose your eye?"

"We sailed out of Portsmouth harbor on a sunny day and my eyes were drawn to a flock of seagulls.  Sailors believe if a flock of gulls pass over your ship leaving port, it is bad luck for the voyage.The flock flew over the mizzenmast and a damned seagull pooped in me eye."

"A seagull pooped in your eye?  I don't understand.  How did you lose your eye?"

"Aye matey, it was the first day with me new hook."

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