A Very Important Event

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a satire of sports that I wrote for school last year. I went a little overboard on the assignment. I really hate sports.

Submitted: February 02, 2011

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Submitted: February 02, 2011

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It was a day that went down in the history of the small cave village of Rock. It was the day of the very important event. Excited conversations and passionate debates had raged for months prior, all in anticipation of that day. Now it had come, and the villagers were preparing.
All about the village, cave wives were busily running around their cave homes, cooking over the fire, tending to the children, and curling their hair with bones as if anyone would be paying them any mind. Cave men and boys stood in groups, finalizing their bets and trash-talking. Two cave girls hovered around these groups, eager to join the discussions, to add their insights and insults. These girls, unlike the others, kept their hair flat and tangled. Like the men who had rejected them, they wore coats of animal fur, one in a dark, shaggy brown, the other a shorter tawny coat. Dejected, the girls sulked for a while before glaring at each other’s coats and slinking quietly away.
There was, of course, a buzz about the village which affected all of the villagers, but none were as affected as much as the Stone family; and no wife was as frantic as Mrs. Bep Stone. She was the Hostess. As far as she was concerned, this was her Event. As a cave wife, she was the keeper of the house, and she was determined to make everything perfect. The other cave wives would be watching her, judging her, while the men tended to their side of the event, the part that was important to them. The event was vitally important, some part in some way, to humanity for certain, and to all of the villagers. Or all of the intelligent ones, at the very least.
There were a few, a sad little number in the village, who were undeniably fools. They would have no part in this event. The scoffed at their brothers and sisters, the noble beings who had risen from the ways of their ancestors, who had lifted their knuckles from the ground to pursue a worthy cause. These few outcasts, these vile creatures, chose to spend their time in caves, marking the walls with odd and misshapen figures that they called letters. They were the time wasters, the scum of society, the useless ones. Fortunately, they had not made themselves a bother. Their kind was easily ignorable and forgettable. They were forgotten today now as the others gathered at the Stone family’s cave.
The cave was spotless. Bep had made sure of that, There was a roaring fire burning, and near it Bep had placed her impressive (and rather intimidating, to the other cave wives) platter of food. She was particularly proud of that, as well as the decorations. There were two distinct groups of people arriving; those clad in brown and those in tawny. As the Hostess, Bep would have no one calling her anything but fair and gracious. She had become the mediator, splitting her home in two, one side for each group. It would be noticed, however, that as the guests filed in, she stood decidedly on the tawny side of the cave, and that the fire was slightly, imperceptibly even, shifted toward the same side. This was all in good accord.
Guests filled the cave little by little, each keeping to their proper side. Within the confines of each side, all were friends. Any previous animosity had been forgotten, petty squabbles set aside. There were a few differences of opinions, but they hardly mattered on such a day. Provided, of course, that these differences were on the same side. But between the two sections, where a large area had been left bare of villagers, hatred and rivalry spilled into the cave, flowing from each side to the other.
 
There was a hum of conversation from the gathering crowd, but it soon quieted. A little cave boy tugged on the end of his mother’s hog-skin dress, asking her if it was finally starting. “Not yet, Zug,” she whispered, hoping to quiet the boy. She was acutely aware of the distasteful stares she was drawing from the other cave wives. “It’s time for the sacrifices. Just watch.”
The sacrifices were one of the wisest and most important traditions leading up to the event. Each side would have their own sacrifice. The strongest and bravest man from each group was chosen for the task of finding and killing the appropriate beast. Kef, one of the straight-haired, hovering cave girls, had volunteered to do so, only to be laughed at. Everyone knew that cave girls were weak, cowardly creatures who stayed in their caves and served the men. Kef was standing in a brown corner of the cave, leering at the task she would never get to do. Like the boy Zug, she wished that the event would just start already. Not that she’d ever admit the likeness, of course. Zug was standing on the other side of the cave, wearing tawny.
Kef’s mood did not improve when the first sacrifice was brought into the cave. She joined her side in a chorus of booing and hissing. The animal was a large mammoth, its shaggy brown hair matching the color of Kef’s coat. Indeed, it was the same color as her entire side of the cave. Clearly, it was a magnificent beast. Anyone could see that. Kef and her companions were hissing at the mad who was dragging the poor beast in. He was clad in tawny, bringing cheers from the other side of the room. He gave a speech that made Kef sick before slaughtering the animal with a long, sharp stone. Half of the cave wept and looked away, while the other cheered even louder.
Suddenly the triumphant glow in the eyes of the tawny-clad was replaced by a sullen glare. They had had their turn and they knew what was coming now. Collectively, they looked to the floor as a man in brown dragged in a huge, tawny wildcat. Enormous, curved teeth sprouted from its mouth, like the mammoth’s tusks reversed. Proud and vicious, the saber- tooth snarled through its cloth muzzle. Kef laughed at the animal as the little boy Zug whimpered and cried for it. His mother held his hand, stroking it gently.
The man gave his speech and ceremoniously cut the great beast’s throat. Kef cheered along with the others, but knew she would have done a better job. That hardly mattered now though. The sacrifices were over, and the event was beginning. Cheers rose in the crowd, from both sides now. Then everyone was silent as they watched six men run to meet each other. Like those in the crowd, these men were in two groups: one wearing brown, the other tawny. A seventh man stood between them, wearing the neutral gray fur of small rabbits. He turned to look at the crowd.
“We all know that it’s time for the big game,” said the man. There was a pause as the whole crowd cheered. “We’ve got the two greatest teams of all time here: the Mammoths,” there was a roar of cheers from the brown-colored side of the room, “and the Saber-Tooths!” The other side of the room returned the roar. With that, the game began.
 
The premise of the game, or the Sport, as it was properly called, was simple. The leaders of the two teams were both equipped with long sticks, with which they were to beat a medium-sized boulder. The boulder was in the center of a large circle which had been marked on the ground and divided into two sections. When one the men, using his skill and cleverness, accomplished the task of beating the boulder outside of the circle on the side opposite him, his team won. This man became a hero alongside his teammates, assuming you weren’t talking to the other side. The four men outside the circle had just as necessary a task, one that required perhaps more skill and cunning. Their jobs were to chase each other and beat their opponents to the ground. Without them, the game, the Sport, simply couldn’t take place. All were needed for this very important event.
The Players themselves, who were at the center of attention in Rock at the moment, were as different as the two animals that represented them. They had had real names, surely, at one point, normal names like Ruk and Hup, but not anymore. The first time they had stepped on the field, they had become Players, and they had remained that way ever since. The leaders were named after their teams, and aptly so, for Saber was a large, quick, fierce man, while Mammoth was even larger, and used his hulking mass to his advantage. Many male Mammoth’s fans wanted to be their hero, and a number of the females wanted him for a husband. Kef had decided a long time ago that she wanted both. The other two men on the Saber-Tooths were Wolf and Bear, both medium-sized men quick of wit and movement. Mammoth’s opponents were Sloth and Bison. Sloth was larger even than Mammoth, but the three men actually looked quite similar. In fact, Mammoth and Bison were brothers, and the three had, of course, trained together from birth. All six Players had been chosen from the strongest and healthiest newborns to be prepared for the most significant and honorable jobs in existence, and had been properly trained ever since. The crowd looked on as the Players showed what that training had taught them to do.
The grace of the Players and the beauty of the Sport were overwhelming. The crowd held their breaths with suspense as Saber swiftly beat the boulder past Mammoth, using all of his speed and ferocity. Mammoth was playing along, biding his time. Saber seemed wary of this, and was not surprised when, half way toward his edge of the circle, Mammoth took a mighty swing of the boulder, knocking it nearly back to the center. Like Sisyphus, Saber followed the boulder and continued to strive toward his seemingly impossible goal, aware of the massive forces against him. Outside the circle, other struggles were taking place.
As if they were dancers in an elegant ballet, the four remaining players had each chosen a partner. With Sloth against Wolf, and Bear against Bison, the fights raged of, Sloth had Wolf for size, but he was a slow, lumbering fellow, and he tired easily. Wolf was chasing him about the field, wearing him out. Bear and Bison were more closely matched, and the two half of the crowd cheered and hissed accordingly when one man or the other landed a blow. Eventually the two were on the ground, wrestling.
As this went on, the boulder was rolled here, there, and back again until Mammoth gained control of the boulder and moved it slowly forward, unstoppable as a glacier. Saber tried to counter, attacking the boulder from one side, then the other, in an attempt to gain control. It was no use, however, as Mammoth moved closer and closer to his goal. As he did, a chant rose up in the crowd, the music of it filling the music of it filling the cave.
“Mammoth! Mammoth!” Kef’s side of the cave cried. In desperation, the Saber-Tooths fans took up a chant of their own. Cries of “Saber!” overtook the first chant, and, just on the edge of the circle, Saber succeeded in overtaking Mammoth himself. Two new cries ran through the crowd: one of dismay and one of relief. Both had an edge of surprise. Saber-Tooths fans who had looked away or started crying returned their attention to the game. Mammoths fans who had started celebrating and spending their bet-won money in their heads stopped in their mental tracks.
The cries for Saber grew louder and louder. Even Bear chanted from the headlock that Bison had him in. Now that they had become the desperate ones, the Mammoths fans tried to rally as well, but it was no use. Mammoth had used up all his strength. He had resigned to taking feeble whacks at the boulder as Saber plowed past him. After a time, Kef was the only one still cheering for Mammoth. Eventually her chant dissolved into sobs as Saber neared the edge of the circle. In one last effort, Mammoth mustered all of his remaining strength to hit the boulder. It moved back a few inches, not even phasing Saber. Saber drove the boulder the remaining distance, finally pushing it past the circle. He had won.
The roar from the Saber-Tooths fans was deafening as the man in gray stepped forward to announce the outcome of the game. The Mammoths fans who still had the spirit to glare at him. One of them yelled, “Shut up, you old fool, we know what happened!” It was Kef, who yelled it through her tears. The man continued talking and awarded the Saber-Tooths their prizes, which were large amounts of emeralds, diamonds, and gold. It was the least that could be done for men such as these, who were so essential to society. The Mammoths, like their fans, trudged to their homes miserably. The Mammoths left a trail of blood, their fans a trail of lost betting money, and both were mixed with bitterness and tears.
The Saber-Tooths fans stayed together in the cave, celebrating like one family. The Sport brought the villagers together more than anything else. It was the ultimate way for them to bond. There was a party that ran late into the night, with dancing and drinking. The Mammoths decorations were thrown into the fire. When the party was over, the villagers went home, leaving the glowing, moving picture box that they had watched the game on behind.


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