My life and dreams

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
me and only me My story please read, To know why i write it would mean so much, please give feed back or if you need someone to talk to i'm always here to help.

Submitted: July 20, 2013

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Submitted: July 20, 2013

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Hm, where to begin, Well i won't give my name because in a cautious paranoid person. But call me rebel its just a nickname i got at school, No not because i'm wild and out of control, I just bring the style or a rocker which is who i am. i have brothers and sisters and only a mom and i love my mom so much even though we fight i'll love her and do anything for her she's one to be called a hero to me, I don't have a dad, well i do but i never seen him but i'm okay with that now. So lets see, I recently turned 16 and yeah my hair is pink n black so yeah, okay, So thats me now, but i wasn't always this way. this is my story

So, im the second oldest child thats a lot of persure on me every once in a while not to often. Growing up i guess i've always been mean and well a brat but yeah not so proud sometimes but its me, I've been to 5 schools but thats why i am who i am today seeing different parts of the state and seeing how different people are in every location, So my first school it was when i was six to eleven It was one of the best schools ive been to, when i was younger i had alot of friends, But when i got to 5th grade it all changed, I never know why they started this but it just happened, As i recall it i was running to the playground during recess and one of my 'friends' said "oh look here comes the whore" As young as i was i was oblivious to what she said but i know it wasn't anything good because my so thought best friend during the time laughed and told me to go away, So i did with no questions asked. I remember she just used to yell things at me an i would get so embarresed and well ashamed, Now that i look back i should have said something but i never did i kept it to myself. The thing that changed me was when i was in the lunch line and my 'bestfriend' was cussing at me the whole time and poking at me and just being annoying and now take note her mom was the lunch lady just the one who waits for you to punch in your number And i looked at her and she kinda chuckeled what when i was done. I looked at her and asked if she could stop her but she got mad and got in my face and started yelling at me n i was shocked and scared as hell. So i cried, I know i was a major wimp but the next year my mom got a new house far away from where we were at so we moved, I never knew why she hated me so much but it made a long lasting impression on me that hurt me for a long time.

Now my new school I didn't really talk to anyone there was only 5 people, But im still friends with them :) but one of my guy friends i liked and you know first crushes its literally the end of the world well it seemed like it. but we always hung out just talking laughing creating memories and what not but i love the time back then Nothing realy happened from the end of from 6th through 7th grade just long lasting memories that i wont soon forget 

Now here is when i was ruined the most. When i got to a new school again this was my 4th school, Everyone was just so different well duh but i mean kids acting like grown ups it was weird and well stupid.I was just there i never tried to fit in or be the popular chick i was just me a punk kid well back then thats what i was called, And then there was this one guy i was major crushing for like full on retard i swear, But valentines day was coming up and i asked him not personaly but had a friend cuz i was chicken shit, But he said no because she's emo. I was beyond pissed and hurt and i don't think he knew that so he hurt me by saying that but now im over it but just remembering sucks,  but the group of 'friends' over time they didn't want me there but were to nice to say it and i asked if they did and they said no because were just so different and you bring to much attention to us. So i was basicly kicked out of that group, So i started to sit alone Some people dont relize how bad i was really hurt and how much i just wanted to be with people that accepted me like form 6th and 7th grade. So after i was kicked form that group i found another the 'popular' girls i was friends with just one n then she invited me to there group so i went, 

My mistake, I liked them they were cool they didn't say anything about my style or anything i was for once accepted or so i thought. Towards the end of the year a girl came up to me and said can you just leave our group we dont want you here and im not the only one that thinks it. And it was just so over whelming I started to cry because she was just so shitty and yeah so for 5 months i sat alone everywhere, some people even excluded themself from me. Which sucked.

I never really knew why people didn't like me, 

Toward the end or the year i was stressing out over family problems and school, So i made a mistake that i got addicted to, I started cutting, I know stupid i get it. 

It was just a way i knew i still had some sort of feeling left even when i was hurt to my biggest point. 

I started loosing hair, I had to cut my hair soooo short it was so ugly, I hated it, i felt insecure ugly hated alone just it was the worst. 

So i become who i am today from years of bullying hate and hurt i became a poet. I stopped cutting last year in august. and put all my hurt anger and thoughts into my poems, It was a way to show i wasn't trapped but i was stuck and theres always a way out, So i stopped self harm and wrote my mind out. It helps it really does, So from being once so insure i turned in to a person that can give a shit less on peoples opitions. I become a person everyone was afraid to talk about because i started speaking my mind, And showing others that i wont be there ladder for there selfesteem but im there enemy. I went to high school not caring about anything i just wrote and wrote, My 2 years there i made one real friend. Shes actually just like me and i love her as a friend just clearing it up for some of you, But Now its junior year thank god. I put all my time to writing, and well music, Music is also a big part of my life it should me there are others like me that are hurt or worse and that i won't ever be alone it gave me strength so fight against the ones who threw me down. I appreciate all my hero's in music that basicly saved my life, And i love them all andy biersack from black veil brides, Danny worshnop asking alexandria kellin quinn from sleeping with sires beau bokan from blessthefall and oliver skyes from bring me the horizon and yeah they should me from just a beat and words that im stronger than i think, And that im a asskicker and no one will tell me other. Thank you to all my herons from bands your a true hero to me and millions of others. I wish i could meet you and tell you my story.

But to everyone who made me think i was hated and just a dissapointment screw you, Because thanks to you im going to kick your ass in life, Because of you i am a great writer i can now save peoples life when you tear them down and make them feel like shit. I'm there being there hero And i get to watch you crumble As bad as i did then Then you may come and ask for help. But other then that fuck off you make people hate themself when you can just talk instead of being an ass but other than that thank you for showing me im better off not knowing you and that i'm now the best there is compare to you. 


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