Depression Hits Hard

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Ever had a bad day and wrote something? That is what this is.

Submitted: February 22, 2011

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Submitted: February 22, 2011



There is always the day when you wake up and there is that feeling of something that is a part of you that just wants to take control, the only problem is, is that I don’t know which one that could be. The Romantic. The Humor. The Evil that lurks inside, the one that wants to come out and play, the one who I had thought I had gotten under control, the one that has made my life hell for the ones that I have loved and for the ones of my family. There is no telling when, were, how long or short, no telling when he could take over, and then all of my plans that I have set up for myself will have fallen done the drain, for the Evil that lurks doesn’t care how I turn out it just wants to have its own type of fun. The Evil the lurks doesn’t care who it hurts, doesn’t care who gets in the way, all it wants to do is stop everything that I have worked so hard to gain, the things I have fought tooth and nail for, over, with, and against, the Evil just wants to send it all down the drain, to bring me down to its level once more to see all that is wrong and corrupt in this world, instead of trying to see the good things that can come from it, love, life, children, the spreading of joy to others, the challenge that it all represents, the things that actually make this world worth living in, amidst all the chaos, the swirling storms of emotions that have come and gone the ones that have come and gone, the ones that have been numbed, the ones that I wish I could let surface, but every time that I show such emotions the darkness that is in my heart starts to rise with it, so that I am forced to put them all into the back of my mind. One cannot live like this, worrying when and if they meet that special someone that the Evil in their heart won’t come up and ruin that as well. So I have learned to keep most if not all of those emotions in check. Though there are good things that have come from this choice of mine, I am able to see all sides of any conversation no matter what it is about, weather it be something I know or something that I don’t. I can analyze any situation and immediately find all the good and the bad that could happen from such a thing depending on the course of action taken, but for some reason I will not tell that person what these things are or what could possibly happen if they take that course of action, no matter how much I fight that part of me it always wins, so when things don’t turn out like that person thought they would I feel that I could have helped in some way and that if a had just maybe they would still be together, just maybe they wouldn’t have broken up, gotten pregnant, lost that child, or any other thing that could have been halted because of my intervention. To get to know me you have to be able to enter my mind and even then you would be hard pressed to even be able to enter in the first place because there is no limit to what I would do to keep what I know of myself to myself to keep others from experiencing what I have to keep them from going insane I have chosen to live a life that will keep my separate from anyone who doesn’t understand what can happen after to much mental and emotional stress, what can happen after you are left in the dark to fend for yourself, what can happen, or what someone would do to keep those memories under wraps so that they can no longer linger and interfere with your life, to keep others safe from the things that you have witnessed or that you have gone through. So to keep others safe I have decided to keep all of the emotional things that I feel in the darkness, exactly where they can be used against me by the darkness that lurks in my heart. So that he always has a tool that can be used against me so that he can come out and have its fun.


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