Love Can Make You Or Break You

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Love Can Make You Or Break You

Submitted: August 09, 2012

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Submitted: August 09, 2012

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Love Can Make You or Break You

There was a time in my life where I didn’t know exactly which way I was going.  If I was going left, right or down.  I hoped for nothing but precisely what I strived for each day.  However, I would always make a way out of what was good for me.  My world was a circus, to say the least, when I was a child.  Between the ages of 11 and 19 I had more to think about and deal with on a daily basis then a 30 year old woman.  There was way more to it then was necessary in that time of my life.

Till the point that I turned 11 I had a great relationship with my father.  He was my pride and joy. Although, my father was everything to me at that time (because I was so small and didn’t know any better) I figured out later in my life that he was into many things that I would never subject myself to at this point in my life.  I was living a lie.  He was not the dad that he promised he was.

The moment in time where everything turned really cold and lifeless for me is when I turned 11. My dad decided to leave my sister and I and my mother. Additionally, my mother and father  had just found out she was pregnant with my brother Chase.  First, I find out that he was not coming back.  Second, I felt as though I was never loved by my dad.  Finally, I was left to fend for myself and my broken hearted mother that couldn’t even think strait to take care of herself let alone me and my sister.

As the time progressed, my family and I grew to understand that he was never in love with us. My father took his life away from us in order to give it to another woman in which he had impregnated as well.  The only thing I remember thinking is:”How could he ever do this to me after all the precious words he said to me?  How will I ever trust another man?”  This was me at 11 years old!

Although, there were many questions that I was asking myself I tried moving on from it.  I attended school yet I dropped out the beginning of 9th grade because I had no supervision from my empty mother.  I never went back.  I was running away from 14 to 17 because I was so broken and trying to find happiness.  Then, when I turned 18 I found out I was pregnant with a guy that I had been friends with since I was 13. However, I had only been with him for 3 months.  This was a life changing moment for me, even though, I was still broken and not able to feel comfortable with a man saying he loved me.

As I progressed in my age and had a child of my own it opened my heart in a phenomenal way.  I was so content with the fact that I had a never-ending love.  I still felt as though there were missing units in my heart.  I used it against the man I was with and never trusted him.  I would do what my father did; hurt him and walk away from him when times got tough.  This was how I lived my life up until I was about 25.  Finally, it registered to me how much I was hurting myself in the midst of hurting other people.  I felt so empty.

Today I feel alive and revived from the way that I lived my life for so many years of a broken heart.  If it weren’t for God and what he has shown me I would have never been taught how to love again.  Through all the trials and tribulations I’m stronger, wiser and more knowledgeable of how to deal with a guarded heart.  I want to love like today is my last day.  The moral to this story is that no matter what you go through you can either use it to your advantage and break the curse or let it consume you in a negative way.  I learned to overcome that hurt and use it to love like I always deserve to be love.

 


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