Loving hurts

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
They look at each other and don't realise their love for each other. They stare at each other, not realising the other does it when they're not looking. They're both afraid, will this keep them looking at each other for eternity?

Submitted: November 29, 2016

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Submitted: November 29, 2016

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She looked at him every day. She saw him walking in the hallway, she saw his dimples popping out when he talked to his friends, she saw him being so darn beautiful and she couldn’t do anything else than just standing by and watching. He said hi to her when she walked by and she said hello back. They awkwardly stared at each other and sometimes she felt him looking at her, like he was staring at her and she could feel it. She was obsessed with looking at him in the breaks, seeing how he walked. Slowly but confident, often with his jacket still on. He always looked a bit flustered and she loved it. The way he would give his half smile where you could see one dimple when he was talking to her. The way he always made pictures of a sunset, even though she didn’t understand why. What was so impressive about a sunset? She loved every little thing about him, she loved him so much that there was no place for anyone else. She couldn’t even make any place in that big heart of hers to love herself. She looked in the mirror and hated the way her eye twitched if she laughed. She hated her weird blue eyes. She hated her body and how she had nothing to offer him. No beautiful face, no beautiful body. She didn’t have a lot of friends, but it didn’t matter. Her time was spent loving him, distracting herself from her own flaws and loving every little flaw of his instead. She often spent her nights wondering how it would be if she’d ever have the courage to ask him out. Sometimes she dreamt of him giving her his coat when she was cold. Taking her to the christmas dance and them growing old together. Her afternoons were spent crying. Crying because the world wasn’t fair. That she was made the way she was made, crying because she hated herself so much, so unbelievably much. She was anxious all the time, except when she looked at him. Seeing his beauty and his joy made all of her sadness go away in the blink of an eye. 

He looked at her and saw an angel in disguise. The way her blonde hair fell over her shoulders and one piece always stranded in front of her face. He wanted to slowly put it behind her ear. Look into her beautiful blue eyes and most of all, tell her she was beautiful. He’d noticed her when he first came to the school. She had worn a big blue sweater. She had bags under her eyes and her hair looked messy, like she hadn’t had the time to think about it. She had many friends, laughed with them and was the only one who could light up a whole building by just walking into it. But times changed and she became sadder and sadder. Her friends left her and she sat in silence. Her small blue eyes filled up with tears, but when he looked a second time, they were gone and she sat there, smiling like nothing had ever happened. She moved so beautifully, she was broken, and you could clearly see that, but he didn’t care. She had turned into a dark soul and he wanted to hold her in his arms so badly that he spent his nights crying because he couldn’t. He was afraid of what his friends might say. Of what she might say. He didn’t think of himself as a handsome guy, even though he had had many girlfriends. He was afraid the he would hurt her. That beautiful, lonely soul. He would crush her, crush her innocence, crush her heart, crush every single little piece of confidence that she still had left in that beautiful body of hers. He spent his time looking at her, he said hi to her in the hallways, and she said hi back. He wanted to see everything of her, to touch her, to be with her, to grow old with her. He thought of her every single second of a minute of an hour of the day, but he was too afraid to crush her. He sat there and continued to look at her. Wondering what would’ve happened if times were different.

She was afraid. Afraid that he would crush her, crush her by saying exactly what she had said to herself for the longest time. She wasn’t okay by just looking at him. His joy did bring happiness to her, but also a stinging pain in her chest. She wanted him. She didn’t want a Zac Efron. She didn’t want a model. He was her Zac Efron, he was her model. He was better than a model. Whilst she healed her heart by looking at him, she hadn’t realised that what she was doing wasn’t healing her heart. It was breaking her heart into small pieces, realising every afternoon again that he wouldn’t be hers. That he would never lend her his jacket. He would never take her to the christmas party. That they would never grow old together. Her heart was breaking by her just being too afraid. Her anxiety had gotten the best of her and was breaking not just her heart, but her entire body by just that thought. 

They didn’t get to hold each other. They didn’t go to the christmas party together. He never lent her his coat. They didn’t grow old together. He moved on and held another girl. He went to the christmas party with her and lent her his coat. They grew old together and she watched. She was happy for him. His joy was still the only thing she lived for. She watched him as he danced with her. Kissed her and held her. She watched him showing her his dimples after she had said something funny and she smiled. He was happy and that was all she wanted. At the age of 18 she decided that she was done on this world. She would move on to another world. A world where she would hopefully get to go to a christmas party with someone. Someone who would be brave enough to lend her his coat. Brave enough to kiss her and hold her. She closed her eyes and said goodbye to this world. He was happy, and that was all that she had cared about. She smiled as she faded away from existence. Into this new world, where everything was possible.


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