The Swimmer (High School)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Hated, yet needed. Yearning, yet running away. The day in the life of the Swimmer.

My legs are pulsating. My hands and arms are shaking, the blood pulsing through them. The blood in my veins is almost water. The tangy smell of chlorine flowing past my nostrils, I breathe in deeply and I want to swim. The warmth of the room and the water invite me to pull on a suit and jump in. The chlorine tickles my brain and makes its way to my heart, which already aches with yearning. The sounds of the splashes of the other girls resound in my ears but I must force myself to wait. Sitting in on this practice is two hours of bliss, but also two hours of torture. This is like a good dream i want to wake up from, I am as close to water as I have been since August. Seeing other girls doing laps stroke by stroke stabs at my heart, making my spine crawl. I am so close, and yet so far. the coaches whisper, and I want to swim. There is no word to describe my feeling, no jar large enough to hold what is beating in my heart, flowing in my brian, coursing through my body like fire. The sounds of diving and the smell of chlorine, the feel of the water, the taste of my passion, and the motions I follow with my eyes draw me into a lovely trance. How Jealous I am. My own clothing feels abnormal as I am enveloped into the smell of chlorine, the warmth of the room. I feel tears stinging at my eyelids, threatening to spill, but I must not let them. Not a soul knows how envious I feel, watching these girls, one of them my best friend. I bite down on my lip, my own salty blood awash in my mouth, the pain just barely bearable. It is to keep me from these, my thoughts, my emotions. My passion. I have been hiding from them, and I feel as though they are about to flow freely around me, a sign that I do not trust my own self. These words echo in my head, sounding again and again, though no one can hear these taunting words but me. I suddenly feel unbeautiful. I feel the need to hide my body, and my ugly, scarred face behind a veil of my unruly dirt colored hair. Do I really want to show myself to these girls? Show them my weaknesses, my faults, when I am not yet ready to accept them as my own? Am I ready? Can I overcome my sensitive, shy, cautious and self-conscious self and swim with these girls? Swim unexperienced? Am I ready to achieve myself? Can I show myself to these girls with perfects chests, bodies, butts and hair? I certainly hope so.


Submitted: March 14, 2009

© Copyright 2022 Faryn Katz. All rights reserved.

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