Shh

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

I couldn't even put this into poetry. Dedicated to Amy; who broke up with me 5/6/10

Shh.
THEwall behind me was cold and uncomfortable against my cotton shirt. Cold, hard brick digging through the material and into my soft skin. It had been raining just over an hour ago; the water had all but dripped onto the ground, leaving the wall an uncomfortable dampness.
The cold was welcome to me though; my arms pressed against the grey-bricked wall in an attempt to lower my body temperature. My jumper was tied loosely around my waist, the arms falling over tight jeans. The ground beneath my converse was soaked and gleaming; the tarmac a grey-black colour.
Joston-High was an up-tight school; all the best teachers for all the best students. The school was built of grey-brick and grey tiles, with black gates and black tarmac playground. A football pitch was made of synthetic grass that allowed more grip. All bushes were heavily trimmed away from the fences, not a single bit of nature was within in the school boundaries. The school was quite large; 3,000 students attended it, and around 75 teachers. There were plenty of teachers-in-training always ready to assist; no one ever fell behind, no one ever got less than a C. If they did a cloud of shame would seem to fall on them; a note home to parents, a talk with the head to see if it was worth them staying. It was either get up or get out.
Especially now; it was exams. Everyone had their heads down in books; no-one wanted to fail, no-one wanted to leave. This was the last day of exams; emotions were running high, fights constantly broke out, girls fell out, rumours were spread. It was 2:25. Exams had ended five minutes ago. My last exam; English. I had been in that warm stuffy classroom for an eternity. The cold reality was a welcome release.
I was waiting here for my girlfriend; Amy Green, we had been dating for almost a year. She had come to me at the start of the day saying we needed to talk; she had looked anxious and guilty. That didn’t bode well for me.
As if on cue a gang giggling long-legged girls turned the corner. Amy’s strawberry-blonde hair was instantly recognisable among the gold’s and browns. I was instantly put-off. Amy’s friends were the girls that for the past few years had been watching me from across the playground and giggling; when Amy got with me they fell out.
A brunette took Amy’s hand and squeezed it; smiling. Amy smiled back and drifted shyly away from them.  The group turned back around the corner. I had no doubt they were waiting for Amy though; and pressing their ears to the gloomy grey-brick wall to listen.
Amy drew level with me, biting her lip anxiously. Her eyes were large and doe like – her stance uninviting. She was so unlike the Amy that told me to get the fuck off her lawn.
I didn’t move just watched her as she stood there; she must be feeling awkward. She opened her mouth and took in a breath – went to say something – then stopped. I narrowed my eyes slightly and changed my position so that I was facing her openly.
“What?” I asked; the word came out a lot more harshly than I intended too; in fact it sounded a lot better in my head.
“I don’t think we should go out anymore” she blurted out, then blushed a furious crimson, raising her delicate hand to her mouth. I froze up. She saw my expression.
“I...I...I just don’t feel your there for me. You get angry to easily...you...you...you just don’t act like a boyfriend; you don’t care, and...and I think you should. I wish there was some other way but...Yeah” She finished lamely, then giving me a somewhat mortified expression she scrambled away and around the corner to the girls.
Suddenly I was very, very cold.
Slowly pushing myself off from the wall I undid my jumper and shrugged into it, I pulled my hood up and pushed the arms down. I grasped the sleeves in my fists and with my head down started towards the school exit.
There were still a few students in the school; the ones who didn’t have their exams, the ones who were waiting for their friends and the ones who were celebrating in the school grounds.
They didn’t pay me any attention as I quickly passed through the front gate and away into the streets.
My house wasn’t too far away; I could make it there in ten minutes if I walked quickly; five if I ran. The sky above me was grey and cloudy; a boring slate stuck over-head. It looked like it was going to rain again. Running wouldn’t be so weird.
Taking in a deep breath then quickly cutting it off as my mouth trembled. Holding my side-bag I began to run down the looping streets, navigating my way through the identical houses, gratified walls and broken cars.
Sometime between me leaving the school and me entering my house; it had rained. My hoody was wet and so was everything else I was wearing. I shut the door and fell straight to the floor. Head in hands.
I was an idiot; an imbecile to truly believe that a girl like that would want to stay with me. To think I had thought I had found a girl that understood my condition; my unstable emotions. She was too good for me; she was the beauty and I was the beast. Such a cliché comparison; such a true one. She was everything sweet and I was everything sour. I banged my head against the brown-crème plaster walls, the bang seeming to radiate in waves through my head.
“You home boy?”
 I scrambled to my feet at the gravelly voice. He couldn’t be home. It wasn’t 7; it wasn’t anywhere near 7.
He couldn’t be here.
“I said are you fucking here boy?” came the gravelly voice again, I wanted to shrink against the wall; it was him, not here...
“Yes” I answered him then mustering my last reserved of energy I sprinted up the narrow bloody staircase and into my room. I slammed the door and leaned against; drawing in some breaths.
I waited a few moments; my heart was beating like a drum. No footsteps, no thumping. He wasn’t following me; yet.
I relaxed slightly against the doors wooden surface; then looked around my room. A dull coloured bed, a small table piled with books and pots, an ancient guitar propped against the bed and a wooden dresser. Posters littered the walls; over-lapping each other, different faces, different names, different places.
Paying no attention the magazines scattering the floor I fell to my knees and brought a box out from under my bed.  It was a small cardboard box; something I had found in my garden. I opened the top and sighed with relief. It was all there.
The blades glimmered in the dull grey light of my room. I carefully took my favourite out and closed the box; gently pushing it back under my bed. The blade fit perfectly in my hand and I sat, back pressed against the bed, while observing it.
Amy came flooding back.
Of course I wasn’t good enough for her; of course she deserved someone better. It was so obvious it was like a smack to the face; I had been the luckiest guy in the world to be dating her and I taken it for granted. I had yelled at her. Then I would always come crawling back shame-faced and embarrassed. She would always forgive me; I was frightened one day she wouldn’t.
Well; that was one thing I didn’t have to worry about anymore, I thought bitterly.
I glanced at the lonely pot of pills on the table, just balancing on the side, pushed to the edge by the books. Maybe I should stop this all now; I didn’t need to cut. I didn’t need to hurt myself; I could take a pill and calm myself down. It would be...easy.
Rebellion instantly surged up inside me. Why should I? Why should it be easy? Nothing else was; why didn’t I fight it through like always? I was a fighter; and taking pills was the easy way out. Cutting was the hard way in.
I tugged my sleeve up and looked at my arm; blue stitches criss-crossed my wrist, tugging the skin together like cotton. Silver lines clustered together- fighting for space against my paper-white skin. They were disgusting to look at; it’s not like they could get much worse.
I threw the blade in the air and caught it; it cut against my skin with the rough contact. It was sharp; it always was. Choosing a place carefully; far up my arm, somewhere uncut and vulnerable, I rested the blade against my skin. It was warm, I could feel my pulse beneath it, waiting to push blood out from my arms and down my wrists, staining the white school t-shirt. I could already smell the salty substance, feel the warm liquid, taste the coppery delight. I slid the blade across my skin until it fell upon the inside of my upper arm. Perfect.
I held my breath in anticipation.
3, 2, 1...
Bliss
.
.
.
.
******
I don't write stories usually; but I had a go. Thanks to: HelloKittyFucksTheMainstream, Despite hating me without her this story would be worse than it is; So thanks.
Don't be too mean?


Submitted: June 11, 2010

© Copyright 2021 Fashionzombie. All rights reserved.

Other love dating depression fall school high romance nature teachers air emotions life single world music home rain lonely feeling hand green heart eyes calm sweet beauty weird straight wish fight hurt cold girl boy reality perfect blue voice body everything boyfriend girlfriend especially broken space feel energy cloud light leave run nothing sky skin past listen talk eternity thought breath move house cars sharp fighting angry giving anxious bliss blood act water waves beast true away waiting head believe cutting start drew said wanted parents care friends worry push black attention faces pill pressed less word grey dull note stop cardboard box shame myself magazines inside must lol deep needed footsteps side rested passed everyone feet someone ten say expression ground doubt always wet streets ever maybe paying relief hands ago year against silver pills english under ancient come warm group between above within corner contact names among spread houses started fights leaving guitar guy worth beneath drawing broke face shut door years taken edge grip cut allowed forgive seem obvious release soft fact ones again moments relaxed facing rebellion else walls wall room hair pay running students fit jeans anticipation misunderstanding smell taste awkward closed girls garden bed delicate falling shirt slowly football changed colour delight stay pushing blade boring stopped emo looked crimson truly salty watching near told staying until openly condition bloody books bang gang five gates following comparison sleeve punk lines far arms exams already large mouth holding behind welcome fail vulnerable smiling rumours across opened idiot taking ears caught hood either lawn grass violet places doors knives wrist pot beating tight flooding pulse liquid arm granted front guilty hour frightened fell pushed upon no-one reserved rough knees raining top brought stance heads worse amy ran stuck minutes towards yet tied pulled watched asked shrink stitches squeezed doe gently scene cotton wooden froze somewhere raising breaths scattering unstable drum table jumper walked dumped sometime fences playground sat disgusting saying gleaming slightly anxiously ready floor somewhat seeming held choosing anymore anywhere level turned stood began carefully ended blades gate bushes fighter substance lip favourite lower giggling shh classroom upper material converse threw perfectly quickly slate stuffy attempt self-harm grounds boundaries tiles exam surface browns pitch brick brunette finished staircase gloomy built yelled piled answered waited rained understood suddenly position temperature furious wearing sounded onto uncomfortable observing instantly posters crawling entering sour wrists coloured biting smiled intended sighed unlike dresser plenty blushed assist attended balancing banged bitterly blurted bode celebrating cloudy clustered t-shirt exit slammed waist pots dripped heavily leaned glanced constantly mention narrowed hoody littered deserved propped smack thumping identical digging trembled embarrassed fashionzombie pressing slid drifted fists gratified tugged staining shrugged soaked cue trimmed shyly grasped narrow sprinted criss-crossed loosely radiate sleeves undid looping wanna-be synthetic broke-up argh dampness grey-bricked tarmac grey-black joston-high up-tight grey-brick teachers-in-training long-legged strawberry-blonde recognisable put-off uninviting harshly lamely mortified scrambled over-head side-bag navigating imbecile plaster gravelly mustering over-lapping glimmered luckiest shame-faced surged tugging together- paper-white uncut coppery

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Depression

Nice detail; interesting

Fri, June 11th, 2010 11:04am

Author
Reply

Thanks

Fri, June 11th, 2010 6:19am

Sierra MacKenzie

Can't really be mean..:) Very detailed and I could honestly feel the emotions you were trying to give me. The anger, the pain, the sadness. The end really got my attention. Nice job.

Fri, June 11th, 2010 7:53pm

Author
Reply

Thanks; really means a lot i've never tried writing a story before

Fri, June 11th, 2010 6:08pm

Meeka

I really liked it. The detail in it was fantastic and so was the ending. It will be one I'll remember.
Good Job.
:D

Sat, June 12th, 2010 4:23am

Author
Reply

Thanks ^^

Fri, June 11th, 2010 9:25pm

AquaBlue

Wow... really you should write some more... your emotions were clear, and intertwined with the details you created a really interesting short story... Oh and i'm very sorry for the heart break...

Thu, June 17th, 2010 5:44am

Author
Reply

Thanks; and it's fine

Thu, June 17th, 2010 1:19am

DarlingIDGAF

this story is so sad i can feel the emotions in it so painful but good

Thu, June 17th, 2010 8:21am

Author
Reply

Thanks

Thu, June 17th, 2010 1:38am

NikiFM

I felt like I was there in the story it was filled with so much detail and raw emotion it was really good nice job

Fri, June 18th, 2010 10:15am

Author
Reply

Thank you ^^

Fri, June 18th, 2010 3:19am

darkism

like the story,really good

Tue, June 22nd, 2010 4:30am

Author
Reply

Thanks

Tue, June 22nd, 2010 1:11am

iloveyoumorethanlifeitself

I liked this. The emotions got into me. Really good :)

Thu, June 24th, 2010 5:59am

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Thu, June 24th, 2010 1:58am

RaineStone

Amazing! (: Great description, and describing the scenery. This was really good, you should write more. (:

Thu, June 24th, 2010 11:42pm

Author
Reply

Thank-you! ^^

Fri, June 25th, 2010 1:45am

XxShatteredForLifexX

....I'm speechless.I don't know what to say... Its amazing! :)

Fri, June 25th, 2010 6:53pm

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Mon, June 28th, 2010 2:02am

5waystosedateme

oh wow. . . that's was amazing. maybe you should write more stories ^-^

Tue, June 29th, 2010 1:19pm

Author
Reply

Thanks ^^

Fri, July 2nd, 2010 2:50am

5waystosedateme

that*

Tue, June 29th, 2010 1:20pm

Author
Reply

^^

Fri, July 2nd, 2010 2:50am

Broken Silent Wolf

This was acutly really good! I'm so sorry Amy broke up with you! You seem super sweet and I know of someone who has a crush on you....hehe and to be honast it is in the form of both poetry but also a story. It depends on how you read it!

Wed, August 11th, 2010 9:31am

Author
Reply

D'aww thank you :3 I'm way to attatched to poetry to give up on it (':

Wed, August 11th, 2010 2:33am

rainbow skittles

Well, for a person who doesnt really write stories you did a fantastic job. The details, the emotions...perfectly described. Shes a bitch for not sticking with you. You have issues like we all do and you need someone. It was wrong how she left you like that. Hope you feel better. This was amazing =] told you id read your stuff =]

Wed, August 11th, 2010 11:46am

Author
Reply

Thank-you :] And I told you, you didn't need too (: But still; thanks! ^^

Wed, August 11th, 2010 4:48am

Fasciinatiion

I liked this. It was really good, especially for someone who doesn't write a lot of stories. :) Also, it had a lot more detail than a lot of things I've read. (Which is good, o'course.)

And, by the way, thank you for thinking my profile's moustache is amazing! ^.^

Fri, August 13th, 2010 9:42am

Author
Reply

Thank you :D and no problem ^-^

Fri, August 13th, 2010 2:45am

Kritika

Hmmmm......If we talk about the writing part, it was as close to perfect as possible. Well written, detailed, interesting and it captures the reader's interest.
If we talk about the feelings, it jolted me. You know I'm not a cutter, and I always thought how anyone could get a "high" from it, but you put than pretty well, too well I guess.
But I would absolutely love to hate you if this had been true.(which I can't , even if i wanted to, because #1 I'm really sweet #2 you are good person too #3 you have some amazing friends! ^-^)


Love

~Kritika

Sat, August 14th, 2010 11:58am

Author
Reply

Thank you :D And It is kind of, you know, true? o: It's from experiance :L Thanks again!

Sat, August 14th, 2010 5:33am

Mels

Again this really hit me in the heart, I enjoyed this alot. Great job (:

Sun, August 15th, 2010 8:58pm

Author
Reply

Thanks :3

Sun, August 15th, 2010 6:56pm

SorroWolf

Very detailed and professional.

Mon, August 16th, 2010 5:26pm

Author
Reply

Thank you

Mon, August 16th, 2010 6:11pm

framingme

This is probably my favorite of all of your writing so far. It just.. Was amazing. I wish there was more to this story, because now I'm very interested, and it seems oh so real.

Mon, August 23rd, 2010 10:30am

Author
Reply

Thank you - It's seems real because it is real; It's a re-telling of how I reacted when Amy broke up with me >.

Mon, August 23rd, 2010 3:38am

crazyteddy

God, it was so well discribed, it felt like a mini movie in my head, no, it felt like i was him. and that's saying somthing cause i'm a girl. great work.

Wed, September 22nd, 2010 7:56am

Author
Reply

Thank you :3

Wed, September 22nd, 2010 1:28am

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