Just the silence

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
It's the first story that i am writing for publishing.This story is very close to my heart. A story that is still continung. A story of my own. I did not read it a second time after i finished writing. I do not want to read. I just wrote it as it formed within me. I wanted to pour it out for tonight. I hope whoever reads it will appreciate it. I dedicate this story to the person who shares the story too.

Submitted: June 12, 2008

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Submitted: June 12, 2008

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For you I’ll wait my life…
By Fatima Rownak
“Do you love me?”
“I do. Do you love me?”
“I love you too.”
“Will you meet me tomorrow morning?”
“I will no matter what. 10:30 am. Same place. I’ll keep now”
“okay. I love you”
“me too. Goodnight”

“goodnight” and he hung up with a kiss she could only feel over the phone.

They have met. They have finally met after three long years of wait, patience and anticipation. Just nine days till she would leave and every day, every moment, every breath she could take with him was precious.

10:30 am, the third day they meet. Sitting by the bay of the lake, shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand, feeling the warmth of each other’s body by the morning winter sun, watching the calm water flowing, so much to say but only silence filled the moment. And then she feels his touch. He slides his hand around her waist and it moves up, up and a little more. She tries to hide his hand with her shawl, aware of the people around them but hungry for his touch. He touches her breast softly and a shiver runs through her whole body. She looks up to him, looking straight in his eyes for the first time. She wants to beg him for more but the place forbids. She whispers I love you and he replies by giving her a long passionate kiss. Her eyes wells up with tears as she counts the days left before all these would be over. She counts the days to when she will meet him again, maybe after another year or will it be never? And she feels the shiver again. Not of his warmth, but of fear. Just one thought in her mind the whole day, “will he be mine forever? I won’t lose him will i?”

This has been rocky for them both, long distance as it was. After a lot of hardship and prayers when he finally said those words, “I want you as mine” there was nothing that could stop her happiness. Never has she been so happy in life. He is all that she ever wanted. Days and nights and she stared at his images, hoping he’ll be hers someday, hoping he will know how she loves him from miles away, silently all day. And now the day has finally arrived when he wants her to be his but she was afraid, “what if it doesn’t last. I’d rather be his little pen pal than to lose him forever” ­– that she could never think of. One day without talking to him and it felt like the end of life.

But she rejected. She said “No.” And he was gone. He was gone from her life. As a friend, as a lover and she couldn’t bear that to happen.

“hi, how are you? I’ve thought over it. You are all that I ever wanted, all that I ever dreamt of. How could I, oh how could I say no…I just.. I want to be with you, I want us to be together…”

And the email ran on. One day, two days she waits to see his name appear on the screen of the computer.

1 pm, March 13th, a message pops up on the screen, “Hi.” So one year and three months back on this very day they begin their relationship as someone more than just online friends. After three years of knowing each other, after spending workless days and sleepless nights for years, after listening to each others sorrows, of happiness, of every bit of their life, they finally become each others life. Nothing felt so real before as their long distance, unseen and untouched relationship felt.

It didn’t start smooth. Just a week and there it was, their first fight. And soon there were many. But through these fights they loved each other, Longed to meet, to feel, to love and to be one. As the days went by, it only got harder to stay. To be together. Unintentionally saying the wrong words, hurting each other, impulsiveness at its peak and they parted.

She called him everyday. She pleaded for forgiveness. But there he was, adamant, strict by his decision of not talking to her. But she never lost hope. Not a single day passed without thinking of him, without calling him and sending an email. Her prayers answer when after four months she receives his email again. And there it starts again after four months of parting. Days and nights, they talk to each other. New hopes of being together arises again and soon, he says “lets be together again. I’ll not hurt u again. I promise” after four months she cries, the tears of happiness forms in her eyes. And they decide to meet.

16th December is the date. They will meet in their homeland. Flying from miles away, from two different lands to the land they both belong.

Impatiently she waits the whole day, dressed up at her best, she presses the buttons of the phone to his number every five minutes. At last he picks up. They exchange numbers in the new city. But he shatters all her hopes by delaying to meet by a day to tomorrow. He got caught in the midst of his family.

The night passes anxiously over the phone, a few more hours to seeing his for the first time.

10:30 am, 17th December 2007, a tall, slender guy in black t-shirt and blue jeans waves from a distance. Her heart thumps, for a second she thought her heart beat stopped. It’s him. it’s him finally! She takes the steps forward to seeing him closer. The exchange their first real glances, smile at both their lips. And the take the first steps together, side by side walking towards a destination they are both unsure of.

The days pass with much excitement and love, not to forget their first little rows. They get to know each other for the first times in person. They grow to love, to hope of being together, forever.

24th of December, 2007.
“Stay with me for some more days, please” he pleads.
“I wish I could stay longer, but I have to go.” Her heart wrecks as she forms the words.
“I’ll miss you.” He says dejectedly.

She hugs him. Her face wet from the tears. And she feels his touch again for the last time. The warmth of his body leaves her slowly.

Months pass by and more fights fill their relationship. He fights, wanting her to be with him. But oh alas! Doesn’t he understand the miles are just too long for her to fly? At least not now, not yet. Time goes on and it only gets worse till she can’t take his anger anymore. His ignorance just kills her every moment.

“Don’t you understand it hurts me to be away from you too? Why are you making it so hard for me? Why do you always fight me? Ever since we came back and you didn’t love me for once” she cries. But all she receives is just silence from the other end.

Soon the fights get reckless. Fights are all that fills their conversation. It’s either fights or the unbearable silence. She wants him to say he loves her. He wants to hear those three words from her again. But all that is said are the words of silence, two souls fighting the words of silence. Then the day comes. They part again.

Three months now and she waits on. She calls every day. She prays all night for him to be back. She cries a river from doors to doors of the Almighty. Not a moment passes that she doesn’t think of him. Not a day that she doesn’t call his number. But all she receives is the silence from the other end.

Just the silence.


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