Feet In the Sand

Poem by: findingmyway

Reads: 902 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 11

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This again was written in the middle of the night. I'm somewhat new at this so please comment.

I'm always there to lend a hand

You're always there to share a laugh

We go together like feet in the sand

But -

When you look into my eyes what do you see

When I look into your eyes I see all your lies

I see what we could be

If you could see like me

I see all of your wants

All of your needs

Your past - life's weeds

Submitted: June 10, 2008

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Comments

an0nym0us

-no comment-
lol its good

Tue, June 10th, 2008 8:28am

Author
Reply

Thanks

Tue, June 10th, 2008 4:05pm

katrina soroya

I like it, you could try and expand on it a bit maybe and get across your point more clearly. x

Tue, June 10th, 2008 9:56am

Author
Reply

thanks for your suggestion =]

Tue, June 10th, 2008 4:04pm

controverse

I think this is a really strong and emotional poem. And the reason for such is that it's short and compact. The line "But-" was particularly strong and made a distinction between what it is on the outside and what it is that you really feel.

I really liked the "feet in the sand" imagery.

Thu, June 12th, 2008 3:01am

Author
Reply

Thank you! I picked "feet in the sand" because I thought it showed just what you said..what is on the outside and what it is that is really felt. I thought it showed how you could be almost there and yet not quite..if that made any since haha. Anyway I'm glad you like it!

Wed, June 11th, 2008 8:04pm

gerabel

A catchy title and you bring up some strong emotions. You may want to expand on this one at a later date as you gain more experience. Nicely done.....Jerry

Thu, June 12th, 2008 11:40am

Author
Reply

Thank you

Thu, June 12th, 2008 8:23pm

Emmywashere

you catch a good feeling in this one... keep up the good work.

Thu, June 12th, 2008 6:50pm

Author
Reply

Thanks!

Thu, June 12th, 2008 8:21pm

Megzbo

Once again, this poem is beautiful. Its so deep. I love the lines: "im always there to lend a hand, your always there to share a laugh" it reminds me of people i know. A I feel that a lot fo fond memoerys are stored in these two lines. but then there a clever twist and it talks about lies - which i didnt see coming!

Sat, June 14th, 2008 10:01pm

Author
Reply

Thanks..gotta keep it exciting haha. :)

Sat, June 14th, 2008 3:06pm

ReganFinch

Your metaphor is used very well here. The writing is very honest and to the point, yet still retaining major signs of artistry.

I love your work findingmyway :)

Thu, June 26th, 2008 1:53am

Author
Reply

Thank you a lot Regan! :) I love yours as well

Wed, June 25th, 2008 7:44pm