A new dawn is a new day.
I awake at early morning my eyes clouded by the mist of my dreams. I shake my head and then can see ever so slightly clearer. But here in my room there is never any think to see. A small mahogany set of draws blanked with dust, and one mattress that cradles my little sister, Kyra. Me, I sleep on the floor, willingly accepting the hard moulding surface. It feels more homely than a sharp nights sleep full of wilding swards. Finally, a large gaping hole that leads down to… well I would say kitchen but it is nothing more than a charred stone square sat next to a pile of wild fern, still smouldering through the night’s darkness. I slowly rise to my feet, statistically avoiding the creaking floorboards; I stop to check my sisters still asleep. And she is, breathing heavily, eyes closed, yet slightly flickering thought it is hard to tell she is older than she looks. I reach my hand out blindly and after several attempts I find what I think is the brass door handle, and pull on it gently. It opens with a sharp height pitched squeak. My sister stirs but only for a moment but then plummets back down in to deep sleep. As I hesitate Daisy creeps in to the room and slips on to Kyra’s bed. As she disappears in the mountain of covers she begins his unsettling low purring sound. I step soundless out of the room. I leave the door open in spite of thinking she might wake up. One more step and I freeze where I am, staring in to the dark gloom of the hall. A bullet of loneliness pangs through me as I survey my surroundings. I glide through the air soundless, as I bypass the woven rug on the floor that passes as a substitute table. A few bowls tightly weaved from grass, scarcely rolled out across the ground. I trot out through the door in to the sinister shadows, the trees seem to stair me down, and tightly grip my sole. I try to think to happy things and continue solemnly down the dirt road. I find a great view at the top of the hill and find myself lost in the sight of the sunset. I love the sunset; I love the mirage of colours, and the illusion of mystery at its heart, dancing in a parade of colours, living at the dawn of new times. This is where I come to reflect, to dream, and to live. This sight is the only one that reminds me of my real self, Bailey Smith a 17 year old girl who has lost nearly every think, but still has the child inside her who wants so badly to be let loose. I have felt so trapped since my father died, I have had to be the family’s main supporter since my mother is lost in a unknown world of loopy. And I have literally raised my little sister since she was four. I mean that’s allot to do from the age of nine. I begin to lose myself in the mirage I stair inattentively in to the horizon, I watch as the mist clears and I can see the shadowy darkness that consumes the ground. I’m a little anxious- It is my first day at school tomorrow in fact the first day I have ever been to school, my first chance to make new friends, in a new area, well the first friends I have ever had. I have already made ‘links’ with the boy next door- I think he’s cute, not hansom, cute, but cute in a funny way. His name is Sam; I love his dark brown hair and dazzling blue eyes. I want to show him the very spot where I sit now, but I am extremely nervous, I think he rather likes me.. That is when I see my sister, Kyra, creping over. She can sneak upon almost anything without it even noticing, as stealthy as a tiger. But today I caught her red handed. I pretend not to see her and continue with the sunset, and wait until she is about to pounce, in an instant I turn and catch her in the air. We both giggle as I invite her to sit down next to me. “Isn’t the sunset beautiful,” I say smiling. I point to the dancing swirls in the sky. Then say in a whisper “I think it’s the most amazing thing in the world.” My voice trails of, then Kyra abruptly interrupts my mindless rambling. “Other than that boy next door” says Kyra with cheek. I give her a playful nudge and say “Do not.” But she gives me that same knowing smile, because even though I hide it she can see through my every defence. We rest in silence, leaning on each other’s shoulders. Then she whispers in my ear. “Why do you like him so much?” I do not reply, how could she ask me that, she knows I could never answer. “Oh come on, tell me” she insists. “No way, or I will tell his brother that you like him.” I say in defence “so drop it, ok!” I know the look that I am wearing, it’s bright read with embarrassment and I hope it is camouflaged by the sunset. There is a moment of awkwardness as the last rays of sun submerge to the valley below the hills. I awake from a trance I seem to have trapped myself in, I stand, and turn towards home, carefully as if to not wake up a sleeping child, as sudden as I caught her, she leaps on to my back, and after the initial shock passes we gather speed and trot of towards home. “Bailey, you’re the beat sister in the world.” She exclaims. We pass a gathering of snow drops, and I carefully lean down to pluck a few from the earth snow drops are one of the other things I love, that and animals. A few meters from the door, Kyra suddenly speaks ‘ Will you…’ she pauses for a second considering her options, then continues, ‘ Will you look after me tomorrow. At school I mean.’ For a moment I am a little confused, then I reply ‘ Ok, but be ready to handle bulling, were not going to be very popular.’ She nods in agreement as we near the door, I casually push it open; the entrance way appears and the door hits the wall with a frightening thump, I jump and we bust out laughing, I don’t quite see what is so funny, but things are different when you are twelve it’s the last time you can truly enjoy yourself, before every think starts to change. She starts questing me again as soon as we reach the stairs. These are the kind of questions I can’t answer, so I let it pass over. When we finally start to settle down in to bed, Kyra asks me a question that she has not asked since she was eight, “Bailey? Can you sing me a lullaby, I’m nervous about school tomorrow?” “Of course Kyra because your such a big girl now” I tease “Please, pretty please.” I give in, unwillingly, and begin to sing the sweet tunes, the melody my mother used to sing, she is so busy now she works at night.
Deep down in the dark, dreams follow reality,
Free and wild, dancing in the night,
The world turns in circles, twisting in the mist,
Of a deep dark, gloomy night
A heart of gold will fallow, to meet with you
I’ll be standing there, watching you
In all your dreams.
But when the day is gone, and nears the darker time,
With children’s fears. Remember, remember your dreams.
Your heart and mind are full of, your dreams.
Kyra whispered a soft thank you as she drifted in the her own better world. I crouch over Kyra and blissfully kiss her forehead, her head is warm and comforting against my lips. I turn away daintily, and she smiles a knowing smile.
I tip toe over to my side of the room feeling slightly queasy, in fear of being sick I stop abruptly and cross over two the bed room window, as the sweat air rushed in I brushed my hair from my face and nervously craned my head out over the window. ‘Been drinking’ I hear a voice from over the green, but its not a stranger, because its Sam’s. I feel a little bit embarrassed but not as much as usual, though my reply is still rather cocky. ‘Do I look like an alcoholic?’ I don’t usually speak to boys, but I can defiantly argue with them. ‘ I don’t know Bailey, you look like one to me!’ What a cheek, he can certainly pass as a drinker himself, if he thinks I look like one, I can’t believe it! I go to slam the window closed, but he reacts runs across the green and climbs on to a beanch and places his hand on mine. For a moment I become lost in his warm and gentle grip, as we see eye to eye, I reject his embrace, I twist my head away and leave the window- still open. I swear under my breath, as I violently slam the door behind me. Stupid jerk. Why do I have to like him!?
After a intense night of alternating between tears and thoughts of denial, I feel less than ready to go to school, less than ready to go to work, to get up, to live! Maybe, I could say I was ill or I could lie that I had broke my leg or something- that would hopefully get me out of … every think- it a sensible idea, good one, my mum would never believe me though.
What could I do? Run away- a little dramatic, I guess, but still I could, there’s a wood near by, I could go there for a day. Like a few days ago when we moved in, I went to explore, when I discovered the wood, I stayed in there until mum had finished unpacking. I found a few things, like a red squirrel- I’ve heard there pretty rare, oh and a stray dog, he goes by the name of rusty. He’s , I think, a border terrier he’s got a shaggy coat and a small straggly beard. He’s quite cute really, just not that acceptant of humans. I guess he was abandoned by his owner or something as such. I could possibly go down there in to the deep, gloomy, dark, loathsome, terrifying, bone chilling, scary, daunting woods. Um, I guess not, a bit too dark for me. I stand and walk dismissively towards the door, as if trying to forget every think, running away, being sick in the toilet, when I touched Sam’s hand, just trying to forget it all. I reach the bed room and I find that Kyra is up early getting on her best clothes. But in our case the term best clothes means something that is not ripped in inconvenient places. She makes a brief glance across the room towards me and looks away as if she had seen a ghost. That when I decide I will be running away. I’ll make some lame excuse that I have a the flue or some thing like that. Gather my clothes and make a run for it at about eleven o’ clock. I decide it’s a good plan. And I get to work.
Plan in to action
Its late morning when I leave the house the suns up high and the wind is soft and gentle I fling my back pack over my shoulder, and set off in a slow walking trot, in to the main town centre. The crowd is thick and I can barely move a inch forward with every step. I pass a few familiar people on the way but none of them know much about me let lone who I really am, I continue in to the dead of night. Or until I am as tried as I have ever been, after passing the station I decide its time to give up, my legs were forbidding me to move and my brain felt like candy floss, I find a place to sleep and settle down for the night.
I am disturbed in early morning, by an angry dog, almost foaming at the mouth it seemed. Awake and sweating madly, reaching for the handles of reality I squirm around in the moss- of I don’t knows who’s back garden- sadly remembering my dreams. Tonight I dreamt of the wood, the dark essences that travel through its heart, the spikes of uncertainty slicing existence, scraping my awaiting mind, almost ripping apart my thoughts to reach in to set a virus, to destroy my life. The trees branches curdled with moss lurching knowingly in the depths of my heart, still searching my mind for details, for a weak spot, a fault. There daunting shadows strip the fog of life, as I scamper through the seemingly dingy wood. The leaves follow as the spy’s of the darkness, leaping simultaneously for my hair, twigs crunch with a sickening sound as I stumble on objects that are not natural, not describable as they rise from the moss swamped ground, grabbing for my feet, vines swinging for grasp on my legs, as I insanely pump through the mangroves and as I reach the clasp of the fog… I awake nothing more nothing less I just wake up, and, and I remember the wood as precisely as I saw it in the dream, clouded with mysteriously thick fog. It felt like my dreams were as if it was a trap deliberately set in my mind to stop me, but from what exactly. That one mystery I can’t unravel, yet. I’m not good at this stuff, mysteries and all. I spread out my arms as if warding of any evil spirits, desperately wafting away my dreams, and struggle to my feet, my head swims for a moment tugging and pulling at my consciousness, hitting my mind with mental torture, I fight for focus, and shield my brain for the penetrating tortures, and for once I win, but this is not important, I need to get out of here, the vibe feels wrong, something here is a part of my destiny and I don’t want what happened in my dream to really happen, no after all I have been through . I spot my navy blue rucksack approximately forty meters away, basking in the early morning rays, and stagger towards it, this is the only thing I need in my world. By the time I have stopped day dreaming I’m half way to my rucksack. I dare myself to look back - another mistake. There basically a arm behind me, was a boy about my age, taller than average, with mysterious look to him, kind ‘a cute in a way, it was hard to make out what he looked like in the faint sun rise, mystifying in some way, but I didn’t need to have light to tell that he was faster than me, he sped after me and from all I could see of him he was clearly armed. My heart literally leaped out of my chest, as I ran my finger along the ground to hook my bag in my white- knuckled grip, I lifted it up and over my shoulder, the weight was reassuring, I feel the groves in the fabric to help keep me calm, to keep me sane. My heart stared to hurt me more than my brain, and just after I fought the urge to stop I realised what was niggling in the deepest part of my ever-diminishing mind. Electric fence! That was the last thing I saw, not the last thing I heard. That was much worse.
Deep down is where you will die Bailey, you will then be in my clutches, you will never escape me. You can’t avoid your destiny Bailey, you will be mine you will serve me, and one day I will live again, but no longer in your mind. I will live again, the world shall bow before me. And you will be only the beginning of the end. One day I will have the world, and the ones you love shall be taken before you, your young Bailey but you have already been in my hand for years. I will be every ones night mares you Bailey are my nemesis and you shall be vanquished. I will play my cards right Bailey, you are in my hand, and the time for you to be set in to the game nears. One day!
I awake to gleaming eyes watching over me, beautiful crystal blue eyes, covered slightly by brown hair. How could I have gotten here. I attempt to rise, but a get a sharp shot of pain and am forced to lower myself toward the ground. “Bailey?...Bailey?” I hear a nervous voice, I arrogantly drift off. If I stay asleep at least I won’t have to got to school, but work was another question- I hate work, my last job was at a local farm, lets just say that I’m never going in to a barn again. My dreams where filled with Sam, just him and me, I can’t deny it, I do like him- but thinking about him all the time is a little extreme, a little creepy in fact, in my head I’m asking myself; am I a stalker, I couldn’t be, he’s the one who was out side my window last night. Not me. Come to think of it he was the persons garden I was in and he was the person I saw just seconds ago. He’s the stalker, but I still like him, even more now I know he likes me…
“Do you think she is ok Mum” Kyra asked quizzically, she and my mother were sat on the chairs around my bed, Looking any think but pleased. “Bailey will be fine,” She wasn’t sure her self, I could tell by the hint of worry in her voice, but to convince Kyra she hastily added. “ The doctors said so.” But Kyra seemed to take this the wrong way and started going on.
“Yeah mum just because a person who studies voodoo says Baileys ok, doesn’t mean she is, she could be dead or any think right now, and we wouldn’t even know, because some guy wired her up wrong, or they had the monitor she was actually plugged in to some where else, where we couldn’t see it. Or we could be on a reality TV show with out having a say. Or what ever. Just don’t say she going to be fine, when you say that it always turns out as the opposite” Kyra choked on the last words inconveniently and started to go in to full on Kyra meltdown. She was comforted by a blur of ginger, well not really but the pain killer they had been using was stronger than morphine and it made Bailey’s eyes go foggy, so she couldn’t quite work it out. What was that strange thing on her lap? Daisy? Maybe it was some think more than just fainting, she figured. I could have been in a comer or worse. How long had I been out for?
“AHHH” I awake from another ghastly dream, I rush to sit up and find I’m in a small room , but not quite alone. There on the chair next to me is Sam! This is yet another mystery to me, what is he doing hear? In fact he is the last person I want to see, at this moment in time. He cautiously leans over, when I realise he is holing my hand, and even more worryingly I find myself holding tight not willing to let go. I hear a foggy voice emerging in the back of my head. “Bailey, come on we have got to go. Its time to go to school” I find myself mumbling back something undecipherable, and he nods as if he understands. He strokes my head then slowly rises and walks off. I make another alarmed animal noise, but he is to far off to hear me now.
Up and rising
It must be about three weeks that I have been here know and they are finally letting me go, well it could be longer but who knows. There are good and bad points to this, this release, one is that I have to go back to school and work but, it also means I can finally get out of this night mare this constricting snare. It’s about six o’clock when my mother comes along to get me up and ready. She has laid out my clothes on the end of my bed, and filled my glass with water. But as I attempt to get them my brain gets a bullet of pain, and a hazy vision takes over . I ignore it and unwillingly get dressed. There on the over side of the room is a sad looking Kyra, nothing out of the usual, except she has a large burse on the left side of her face, that is about the size of a plum. I guess she has had a harder time than me. But that’s when I see myself in the mirror my face is fine but there is a huge burn running its way across my arm, a fault to my skin. I wince at the sight, and any body who saw would say I was weak, but they aren’t the people who are wondering how the got it, who gave it to me. I walk over to Kyra avoiding to stair at her burse. And we begin the lonely walk to school. Nether of us had the guts to talk at the moment, so we walk in solitary silence. The trip passes out house goes down past the wood and through the meadow, I run my hand up and down the stem of the flowers, and play around childishly, I stop when I remember Kyra and slowly walk back.
When we arrive at school, I can see it is a sinister place, nine three story buildings crested with a calm blue. Many people are giving us cold looks, and tuning there backs as we walk past, some in pure hatred some in lust, other because they despise our look. Kyra sticks close to me as we pass a bunch of bullies, each glaring at us as if piercing our skins, shooting us with frozen bullets. From a group of bullies comes a beaten Sam barley managing to stand, cut and mauled, and as soon as I noticed him we were surrounded by a large group of thugs, they corner us, and a large crowd forms. There in the middle stands a tallish girl with designer clothes, at top that shows her stomach and a pair on denim jeans with glass crystals embedded with in them, long blonde hair not as long as mine but just at her hips, stubble pink lip stick and a worried look in her eye but I knew it was not for me or Kyra but for Sam. One of the bullies grabs my arm, and in alarm I respond by smashing his face with my elbow, he grabs his nose with his hand and backs away groaning, I survey my surroundings and return the bullies glare. But they are all gone and it is just me and Sam standing there because Kyra’s gone off with her teacher to first aid. This is an awkward moment not just because it’s us two, because I have just portrayed myself as a fighter and that means the bully of all bullies is going to try and prove himself now.
I stand at the entrance to the school, I’m about 5cm over average height, with long fawn hair about 7cm lower than my hips, strong turquoise eyes. And my sister describes me as beautiful, but I disagree. I am wearing a Bold blue top that hangs from one shoulder with a large tear that stops a few centimetres below my ribs a pair of dark leather hunting boots and a pair of ripped jeans. But if I had clothes like the blonde girl, then that would be an improvement. I walk down the hall with my back pack flung over my shoulder, in it I have one slice of bread and half an apple. A pencil and one small note pad. And a spare pair of clothes for P.E. I take out my pencil and note pad, and shove the rest in to my locker. I turn to find a pair of sharp green eyes almost smiling at me, blonde hair obscuring her face, “Hi” she say’s in a sing song voice. “Hi” I reply sounding slightly shaken. She turns away, and replaces herself at the locker next to mine, then in her abnormal chirpy voice she say’s “ My names Taylor, Taylor Woods I’m in your tutor group, by the way thanks for getting rid of those bullies I was worried” I turn to her and say dully “Ok, just-“ My voice trailed off then I caught myself and said “Just what happened to my sister?”
She looked at me quizzically, so I prompted her with the words “Kyra Smith, I’m her big sister Bailey” She replied with a sound of recognition then said “She looked weak so the bullies got her” She said it as if it was a good thing, being weak, but she knew. I wouldn’t let her go any further. She immediately changed the topic by saying in her shrill voice “Come on were going to be late for class.” Which inevitably made me sound some what sound like a little kid. From that moment to I knew we were going to be odd and even. We walked to our class, in near silence. All I could hear was the beating of my heart against my rib cage I felt like I was going to be sick. On the way, Taylor garbled on to herself it seemed, saying that how Sam was the most popular boy but often got in to fights, and that how she and him were perfect for each over and that they were in the same tutor, and that how this year she was determined to sit next to him because at the being of term he had said the person I sit with for the forth week which is apparently this week will be who I sit next to for the whole year. And by the time we were at the class room she was on the topic that she would love to have a wedding wring with sapphires in it. I stopped listening and went to a seat in the middle of the room, I was hoping no one would sit there, because there is always a seat spare apparently, but thanks to my luck just guess who sat next to me. Sam! Out of all the people in this room he could of sat with he chose me. But why!? Why has he stood by me all this time. Why was he at the hospital, why did he say he would sit next to the person on the four week, for the rest of the year. Why not the first of the second. Why, me? Why. why.
We sit through an hour of each lesion with excruciating boredom. We have boring lessons, with boring rooms, with boring activities to do.
What is the root of Two hundred and twenty five; Fifteen, what is fifteen squared; Two hundred and twenty five. That’s all we ever seem to do, easy work, bored, bored, bored. Id rather be solving quadratic equations’, or being eaten alive than chanting numbers, stupid chanting. Makes me feel like a slave. After maths come the boredom of a spelling test.
Q1 . Rhododendrons
Q4. Blah blah blah blah blaaah
Boring, so I guess I was right about school, it sucks.
That’s when I find out our next lesson in scavenging in the forests down by the meadow, the place where I feel alive. Like a day time ramble. We are to take three people in a group at least, through out the whole school. And you have to find the right items to make your lunch. But if you get poisonous plants you go with out. So the rules are simple to me, and it says one piece of meat allowed. Now this is and lesion I am going to enjoy.
Our group receives a food bag and a list of items, we are making a spice stew, with is considerably nice food, compared to what I eat. I’m on a team with Sam, his little bother Bradley and Kyra. Obviously, Kyra and I will have the edge, and we will defiantly be eating to day. We get to work.
I show them how to make a warning signal, and what they can eat if they are hungry on the go and we split in to two groups making sure to have an experienced forager in each group or at least some one who knows what’s poisonous , sadly we get landed with Taylor and her bubbly attitude scares of all the birds and wild life, we could shoot, so I give up and settle down and begin to craft three knifes and a spire out of some flint , vines and some branches and twigs, so we can catch our food. I set up one snare and basic hole trap, show the others how to do the same, that’s when Taylor goes all chatty again, rambling on about how she was considering being vegetarian or a veggie as she called it, and I started thinking it would be better if she was a vegetable so some-one could eat her and be done with it, a bit harsh though. When I had finally had enough of her constant babbling I took of in to the trees, gathered a few fruits and signalled Kyra who we then met up with at the silver birch. She and Bradley had bought back a tone of mint leaves and berries, while we got nine apples an orange and one Taylor. Although a vegetable may have been more useful!!
After this we decide its best to go back, I for one would have loved to stay in the forest, but I guess Sam was scared. On the way Sam and I split away from the group, stride silently in to the wood.
The soft pine floor dimmed the noise of our foot steps and a whisper of Sam’s voice came to me. “ I love you, you know.” He said almost confused.
I was taken back by this a little, and my answer was a little shaky “I know” I said almost oblivious to what was happening. We still walked on. “ I was there, in the hospital for the four weeks you were” He said almost soothingly. I’m quiet of a moment then I reply. “I know”
“Come on Bailey is that all you can say?”
“No, its just-“ My voice trails off again
“Just what?” He asks almost feeling sorry for me.
“Just that.” I say still figuring it out
“Oh, go on say it Bailey” He says enthusiastically
“I guess I, kind ‘a…” Come on I say to myself “ I guess I kind’ a like you too” I say without a breath. He smiles at me, but instead of smiling back I kiss him on the cheek. We both blush a little, and we continue the journey back holding hands. I pull a mint leaf out of the sack and we share it as we continue through the wood. On the way we have to cross the river, and go over the roasted oak. I guess its not the way we came but it has got to lead some where. We soon pass the forbidden valley, that’s when it hit me. Were not going to school, oh no, were on our way past Rusty’s shack. I stop dead in my tracks, I rest my hand softly on to a algae ridden pine, take a deep breath and whistle a two note tune, a melody not to long, but enough to call little old rusty. Two seconds later the crunch of fallen autumn leaves can be heard, and I am almost flattened by four soft paws landing with a thud on my chest.
After we both get over the insane shock. We both laugh, after this and Sam holds me steady. It never felt so reassuring to have him by my side before, but out of that has to me grown a completely new way of feeling. And with in that grows a new adventure. We continue the seemingly long walk, just going where the path takes us, with a worn out Rusty nipping at our heels, exited and worried. I turn my head and smile at Sam, and he awkwardly returns it with a soft glance. We go on for what seems like hours, passing tree after tree. I begin to tire, and I get that feeling of weariness when I was travelling to the wood before. I sit down on a bed of moss and pull my water bottle from the bag, I offer some to Sam and he gives it a dismissive wave, I let it go and have a long enduring drink, and give Rusty some too, its kind’ a funny the way he laps it up in the air, droplets splashing to the ground, tong flicking every where, after the waters all gone, Rusty stairs at me longingly, in his own way I know he is asking me for more.
I decide that I’m too tired to possibly walk any thither, so I resign to sit on a log, not far from a placid lake, and minutes later find myself whirling thought the mist in to another twisted dream.
I’m in the forest and I am running from the cluster of trees, I become so afraid I’m quivering like a leaf, I fall to the ground yelling and cursing, and suddenly, out of god knows where, comes Sam more battered than before, but this time I can’t protect him, and the vines pull him to his death. Normally this would be the time I awake screaming, but no. Something was luring me deeper in to this dream, tantalising me with secrets. Things I wanted to know so badly. It forced me in to the gloom, showering me in fear. As I drowned in the temptation. It pulled me closer. I couldn’t resist… My head smashed down on the forest floor. But instead of hitting it, I fell through like water. The cold earth caressed my face, and a shill voice came to me. A cold shiver ran through me and I fell to the bottom of the pit leaving not time for escape, he came to me.
Hello again nemesis, my, my your life is going well it seems. Time to change that is coming soon I will demolish your life, and you will be set. You Bailey are the strongest card, but will fall to the king. When the ones you love, cease to exist. I know more about you than you know yourself. Are you prepared to take the risk. Are you strong enough Bailey? Because, well darkest thought live only in the minds that believe, they exist, and you believe, don’t you. And that is why I am here. To destroy! And to vanquish. But I will not leave you defenceless.
Believe to win and you may succeed
Your mind is strong and the power to read.
An abnormal puff of smoke followed, then the real world consumed me yet again.
I was roused with a familiar sight, warming blue eyes, staring down at me. But it wasn’t pain this time it was terror that haunted my dreams. The fear of the, the. The demon that’s a good name for him, her… it. I wrestle my way in to a sitting possession, I release my mussels and grip the moss for support. I feel weak and drained. My head spins, and this is the one time, I want to lie down. But my muscles don’t respond and I spin unwillingly back down in to the deep world of dreams. A place that now is a land that I dread.
A dream come true.
I awake to the soft orangey glow of sunset. My mind is hazy, and my heart seems to weigh a tone. My muscles are stiff, and tense. A mixture of thoughts surge through me, and I attempt to sit but much like before, I find it too much of an effort. I relax and ease myself back to the ground, softer than I remember, but in this disorientated world, it is hard to tell these things apart. Then Sam trots over, with a trail of brown at his side. He comes to a stop not far from where I am resting, he leans over and props me up against a tree, a slur of a word comes out of my mouth, and in my head I hear alarm bells going of, and a worried clouded picture of Sam appears in my mind, he is standing in a thick cloud of smoke, he turns to me, then runs in to the thick of it. When I finally zone back in to the real world- or at least what I think is the real world- I see Sam slumped next to me staring in to the deep heart of the sunset. His eyes wide with wonder. I can see that he is also floating in a completely different world. He, almost emotionlessly, puts his arm around me, I lean in close, so close that I can feel his breath trickle down my neck, and I soundlessly join him staring in to the mirage.
I have finally got this moment but not in the way I wished. Instead of showing our emotions, inside cold, lost and loathsome, not warm and radiating with happiness. This in my mind is not the way it should have been. I am lying here with every emotion possible, under the cover of a dark emptiness within. I know he feels it to, this emptiness. Its hiding in both of us.
We are hollow shells, filled with a darkness, strong enough to keep us going.
But for some reason these feelings are so different, inside I feel much colder than I am sure Sam feels. It looks so strange too. Sam looks empty, and me. I feel broken and controlled, shot down and reformed in to a nuclear weapon.
I continue to stair bluntly in to the lights, mind wiped and damaged in too many way to take count. Then what breaks in to the silence is yet again Sam’s voice.
“Bailey, I know how you feel”
“What do you mean” I ask in a stunned voice
“He talks to you too,” he croaks
“Who” I ask desperately
“The demon” he reply’s darkly.
I shudder with the thought of it, that, that thing inside of my head. But it’s true. He’s in there, going through my thoughts, filing through my memories. I wince at my own reply.
“Yeah, he’s in there.” Almost voicelessly.
“I know how it feels Bailey. He controls you. Eats away at your life. Turns it inside out.”
I nod not knowing what else to respond with. It is true though, what he said, but the harshness of it was overwhelming. The way he says it sounds like I’m condemned to utter doom. Like I’m trapped in a night mare come to life.
“How, long.” He says. I look at him question. He takes a deep breath, and continues. “How, long has he been in there, your, mind. The daemon.”
“Months even years maybe. Who can tell?” I answer almost casually. “He in your head to.” He nods not wanting to talk about it.
“He plays fair, at least.” He gives me a sly smile and says “ He gave me this.”
He stands shakily and struts of in to the night. Sam’s full of mystery, but who could of thought the daemon talked to him to. My eyes follow his soundless figure in to the dark, when I lose him, my eyes flutter around, then fixate on that one spot. I pause to wonder if that’s what the thing meant when it said;
Believe to win and you may succeed
Your mind is strong and the power to read.
I, um. Does this mean I have some kind of superhuman power or something I am not sure? What. How. The question hurdles through my mind, lashing out on my consciousness.
Okay so if I do, not saying that for sure, what would it be? The power to read? I’ve never been a good reader, so I can rule that one out. To read minds? I highly doubt that. Only psychics can do that. So what am I? That’s the real question, who am I really. And what is my purpose? I feel myself jump as a pair of invisible hands put a sturdy grip on my shoulders, I turn to see Sam, smiling behind me, that’s when I begin. I ask so many questions I can’t even believe that Sam would have the answers to.
The true life to come.
I awake with a bitter taste in my mouth, face down on the dewed morning grass, just centimetres out of site hidden under a rough splatter of birches. My heart if throbbing against my chest, smashing the air out of my lungs the coiling pressure around my neck squeezing the life out of me like a python does to its prey. I order myself in to swift motions, struggling slightly I raise myself clean of the floor, I feel as if I am being suspended in mid air, gingerly I slip my feet on to the glistening velvet grass, the slick blades brush against my bare feet, as I saunter towards the door. The sun is about a thousand times brighter than I can remember, and the wind seems to be carrying an intense taste of sulphur, a ridged blow cuts my throat, adding to the revolting taste on my tong. The wind eats away at my body as I take the few steps in to view, I can feel a thousand eyes slicing through me, and I have the sensation that a dozen blades maim there way through my heart. I jerk against the movement , a hundred listening ears eager to hear my thoughts, another thing to fight me with. To the end, I am his tool. Whether I mean the demon or Sam I’m not sure, yet another question to answer, and I am sure I am about to face many more but these questions may have no answer.
The stone floor below me is cold, no other thing to say but cold. Drained of emotion, ha. I guess he got me. Changed me again, these are my last thoughts before I am mauled by my sister, to many questions. Too little I know that is any significance to her. Nothing I can do but dream, hope. And even that now is gone. At some point I escape the clutches of by sisters emerald green eyes, so much more life than my ever changing shades of grey. The only thing I hear before he comes is the pounding of my feet on the stairs.
This time he has avoided the content of the wood-- to me now, if I could remember how to feel, the emotion would have been happy. Of course it was the place of my first kiss. How I will remember that day forever, I no longer understand.—This time it’s a Icelandic waste land, the ground riddled with ice- toothed grubs, withering, needle sharp points shuddering in the harsh green light. The monstrosities that are the, mutations of worms, slip there way awkwardly toward me, an animal noise forces its way out of my mouth, as the last mouthful of my body disappears in to a realm coated in the pitch black darkness of a bullet, the smell stings my nose, and before me he appears to me again.
Hello again old friend, I guess you still haven’t figured it out have you. Well lets try something that suits you a little more then. I will give your power to another, and this will become yours.
Night is dark, and the moon is high.
Your sense is strong, and the light is large
Come on bailey use what you have left in your heart.
This is not born of me; I am just awakening your true being
Lets say you have until, no.
You have four weeks.
You just missed your chance.
Until next time, nemesis.
Ok, so now I have another chance. But, the only thing I understand is that the text is telling me about the moon. But what do I have to do with that?
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