Stop It.

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: FISH MAN
Someone's tapping you on the shoulder you ask them to stop it. However, the person continues right on tapping you on the shoulder. Once again you ask them to stop it!! To no avail how do you stop it? Come along on my journey and let's see if we can laugh together.

Submitted: January 27, 2017

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Submitted: January 24, 2017



Grade school 1966-1973 out on the playground [Battle ground today] I was just minding my own business running and playing "La, di, da, la, la."  As I approached two other boys, I could see one [boy] was quite a bit smaller than the other.

 The bigger of the two [boys] was tapping, the smaller boy on the shoulder rather hard the little guy said: "stop it." To no avail, the larger boy kept it right up at that the little boy looked up into the eyes of, the bigger boy, and he repeated: "STOP IT!!"

 The bigger kid with an artichoke and horseradish grin on his face tapped the little guy one more time.  To my surprise, and to the bullies, for sure the smaller kid as quick as a slimy lizard dropped him with one ferocious punch in the nose now laying on the ground tears welling up in his eyes the big boy cried out pathetically "stop it! Stop it!!" what a wimp.

There's that saying again [stop IT] as the smaller boy began skipping by me humming "la, la di, da, la," I had to talk to him "hey little guy" I flagged him down waving my hands back and fourth he stopped.  Looking up at me with a childish grin on his face I began to worry a bit he said: "Are ya talking to me?"

 "Yes," I replied, "you're not going to sock me in the nose, are you?" "why no why in the name of Campbell's soup and Spagettios would I ever do such a thing? I am a calm person not violent at all I never fight what can I do ya for?"

 "What was his name?"

 "Who's name?"

 "Well, you know the kid you dropped a few minutes ago."

 "Sam, I think."

 "So his name wasn't IT then was IT?"

 "No, it was Sam don't get cute with me bub."

 "I am not trying to get cute with you one more question is your name IT?"

 "Matt my name is Matt."

 Slam!! the next thing I knew I was picking myself up off the ground I couldn't believe it he dropped me with one punch the little guy knocked me down.  At that point, he [the boy] skipped off humming la, di, da la, la di da.  Well now, what do you make of that? Not violent my anal tube and calm well as mild as Hurricane Katrina.

And thus it began at age nine my life started spinning wildly out of control as my obsession with IT began to overtake all of my emotions and thought patterns.

I realized at this tender age that IT must be a very violent person as I witnessed on the playground that day.  I knew that somebody would have to hunt IT down if IT were ever going to stop hurting people.  I would have to hunt IT down at any personal cost to myself or my family and friends.



On my way home from school that afternoon I decided to stop in at the neighborhood Ace hardware store so I could ask an old person if they knew who IT is and if they could help me get in touch with him.  I went up to the counter, sure enough, there was an old person there [a woman] looking down on my frail looking body over the edge of the table.

She asked me if she could help me? I boldly replied "yes I'm looking for IT" "your looking for what" "no I'm not looking for what you know that  I'm looking for IT!" "look here you brain dead little numbskull! Unless you tell me what you're looking for, I can't help find it" "No what you're telling me is you won't help me find IT isn't that the truth I have no intention of doing so find IT yourself right!

 And all because of WHAT?!  You think I'm looking for WHAT! Hey its true that you cant see my sequoia tree seed size brain in my pathetically thin skull, but I certainly know for a fact that WHAT is not a person and you should be aware of that also because of your being timeworn."  By now a crowd was forming. 

 I told that old lady that her brain was invisible to because of the animal that crawled up on her head and died there and that she didn't smelt like poop.  She reached over the counter grabbed my frail little neck pulled my face up to her face.

She had an incredibly sour look on her face and sharp breath to go with it.  I figured that I was going to die.  She uttered these words slowly, and deliberately her body was trembling her voice stuttering "I DOOONT LIKE YOOOUU IM GOININING TOTOTO GET YOU."

 Then she slapped me three times "ouch that hurt you are an oversized bag of hog slop, and you need to take a bath and be sure to use soap and scrub with a wash rag." When she dropped me, I ran home crying out loud, "Mommy, mommy."  "That didn't go so well, did IT?" I thought.

When I got home, my mommy asked me why I had a black eye and fresh slap marks on my face?  "I was playing on the playground la, da, da, da, la, da, and-and I saw to boys the big boy was picking a fight with the small boy.

The littler boy told the big boy to "stop IT" when he [The big boy] wouldn't stop it as quick as a slimy lizard the little guy dropped him with one punch, "and I saw it, and I was there."  "At that point, the big boy was laying on the ground crying "stop it stop it" " what a wimp ah?" 

 "So how in the name of Ralph Loran and Victoria's Secret did you get that black eye?"

"Well after dropping the giant kid the little guy skipped off humming la la la, de, da, hum, de, dum, la, la I stopped him and asked him what was his name?"  "Who's name."  "You know the big wimp over there laying on the ground drowning in his own sweet, zit infested, playground grim filled tears."

"His name was'ent IT was IT? I asked the next thing I knew I was picking myself up off the ground that little mutt dog dropped me with one punch and then like a fly getting a whiff of a large pile of sh.. well you know he flew off."

"What about the slap marks?" mom asked.

"On the way home from school today I wanted to ask a timeworn person who IT is and how I could find him.  There was an old woman at the counter.  "Wait a minute wait a moment did she have long blonde hair? was she short with medium sized boobs?" 


  "For your information, She's six years younger than I am." 

 "Don't worry Mom you're beautiful, and you don't stink like the old lady at the hardware store," 

 "Anyway, I asked her if she could help me find IT?  She said, "Can I help you find what."


  "Now look here you flee bitten filthy slim ball mutt I can not help you find IT unless I know what you're looking, for now, can I?"

"I told you that I was looking for IT, but you didn't listen to me.  Oh no maybe you should remove that dead hairy cat from off your head then you might be able to here my question, and take a bath use soap and a piece of steel wool to scrub the puss out of your open zits and non-healing pussy sores cause you smell awful." 

 "That's when she began slapping me mom now does it sound like I did anything wrong?"

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