Ashes of a Broken Key

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

hhmmmm.....I have a few light pieces, but most of my stuff is dark. This one started out about what I think of America and ended up about war. I use alot of symbolism and metaphores. I won't always post my best, but I will always post my favorites.

Blind and deaf for far too long;
An empty smile; a hollow song.
Spoiled lands and tainted seas;
Soured wind through rusted leaves.
Bitter rain from poisoned skies;
Wounded waves fall and rise.
Blackened suns and fields of red;
A shadowed moon almost dead.
Wilted vines and venemous streams
Break along the faultered seams.
Secrets destroyed and beauty devoured;
A dwarf remains of those that towered.
A thousand wonders anihilated;
Millions of spirits suffocated.
For noble cause; of righteous deed;
Our dearest weep; our dearest bleed.
Consuming flames and pointed blades;
Innosence dissolves and  hope fades.
Stripped of all that was once adored;
By splintered edge and jagged sword.
Battered, beated, bruised and torn;
Allowed not time to grieve; to mourn.
Whipped and tortured; forever mamed;
Scars from battles still unnamed.
Silent tears and whispered cries;
Unheard among the many lies.
A breathless form no longer free;
Still holding the ashes of a broken Key.

 


Submitted: January 21, 2007

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Comments

Samii

Another great peice of work from yourself, you definately have a way of finding words perfectly to conjour up images as i read. Good stuff!

Tue, January 23rd, 2007 2:08pm

Author
Reply

much thanks

Wed, January 24th, 2007 4:02pm

amber

it was very good. I like all of your poems, they're very deep and have a lot of emotion in them. very nice.

Thu, January 25th, 2007 2:01am

Author
Reply

Thank you amber. your thoughts and compliments are much apreciated....if you have any critisizm, do not hesitate to let me have it....lol

Wed, January 24th, 2007 6:04pm

Dino

Im not sure what you think you are having problems with in this one, I thought it was wonderful. The words are chosen very well which is something that is incredibly hard to do well in a conventional poem, especially where the structure has a rhyme every two lines, I think you are extremely talented at that. It was thought provoking and not too long or too short and I love the last two lines the most. Really, excellent work Flo.

Dino

Tue, February 13th, 2007 5:24pm

Author
Reply

Really, I think that the flow is a little off, I guess it may be just too heavy. Most people don't understand that it is about war. Thank you though. A compliment from a brilliant poet as yourself is flattering.

Wed, February 14th, 2007 1:29am

skydarkangel26

that was amazing I love you word chose.

Thu, February 15th, 2007 5:43am

Author
Reply

Thank you. I don't know that it is my best, but it is my favorite...told you though...my writing is not only dark, but it is heavy...lol. I appreciate the comment.

Thu, February 15th, 2007 1:30am

jack diamond

Awesome! Loved it. Very sad theme but also very true. Every world power for thousands of years has gone through the same steps toward its downfall. Out of bondage come independence, then power, then pride, then apathy, then gluttony, then dependency, then back to bondage, what stage to you think America is in? The average # of years for a nation to stay in power is far less that the # that we have been in power so should we feel scared that our time may be up or proud that our time has lasted so long?

Sat, April 21st, 2007 7:42am

Author
Reply

I do not know when America will fall, nor do I care to predict it. We have, however, long been deep into stages of apathy and gluttony. Philisphically speaking, everything that defined America has already fallen and the citizen's duty to preserve it was lost in generations long before mine. It is only a matter of time before the hollow shell collapses. Whether or not it is in our lifetime doesn't scare me. The idea of it happening to my children or grandchildren scares me. Hell, the idea of raising a child here now scares me.

Sat, April 21st, 2007 3:47am

viper

Nicely done.You captured it so well.It was dark and deep indeed.I believe we all feel this way.I believe many of us have written a poem about the war.I know I have .The one I did was more based on our soldiers.It's titled "Our Loved Ones."I wrote it for the families who have loved who have served or are serving today and in the past.Great job.I loved it.

Wed, April 8th, 2009 7:14am

Author
Reply

thank you, i wrote this one after i lost a dear friend to the war in iraq...i've always been somewhat of a pascifist though. i simply think it is unnecessary and inhumane.

Wed, April 8th, 2009 1:20pm

Zero Saint

Ok another great poem form your mind, I am so a fan now.
Keep up the great work.

~Zero Saint~

Sat, August 22nd, 2009 2:39am

Author
Reply

haha, thanks i think.

Sat, August 22nd, 2009 1:36am

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