The Pain and The Tears

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is very sad, but very true.

Submitted: October 26, 2010

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Submitted: October 26, 2010

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The pain, the hate, the harm, the tears, the blood, the fights, the wondering if you are going to live to see the light of another day is a great fear. Child abuse is the worst thing a child could go through. There are a lot of tears that come from the child. The pain is so powerful that even when you read about it the tears just rush out of your eyes.
The burses the children get are very noticeable. The pain they suffer shows even when they are away from the harms. They become hurt for a long time. Rarely do they get over the agony from being abused. When they close their eyes they see the pictures of what happened to them. They picture the fights, the feel the force even though they are just picturing the fights. People that were abused can be open with themselves.
Being a victim of abuse I know how it truly feels. The pain that I had to face was very harsh. Some times when I close my eyes my heart starts to beat so fast that I can’t even keep my eyes close. I used to dream, but the dreams were not just dreams. They were nightmares that were real events that happened to me. 
Being kicked in the ribs, thrown into walls, poisoned, lied to, never was trusted when I never lied, locked out of the house so people could just have sex while it is freezing cold, being punched for no damn reason, being cursed at for nothing, being called ass, jack-ass, little motherfucker, and other things that I had to go through. How would you survive something like that? Do you even have one bit of a clue how hard it is for me to even not think about everything I had to go through? How hard it is to keep myself from tearing like a waterfall every time those pictures come to my mind?
Yet have I overcome my fears of being abused, while all that is in the past. I really know that if I stay strong then I will be alright. During those long ten years of hell, well really it felt like hell, even though I had God to keep me going. I am so surprised that I never gave up or never died from all the pain that I had to face during those child years. Wow! I was only a small child when shit started to hit the fan. I didn’t know anything, and plus I was too weak to even try to speak up for myself. I didn’t even know better.
For so many years nobody even knew what I was going through! Damn sometimes I truly wish that someone would have caught on, because I wouldn’t be as hurt as I am now. I was so weak, that I couldn’t even be strong enough to even make friends. I never did let anyone even get close to me to talk. I was so scared! I wish that I could have made friends, because then I would have some happy thoughts going through my mind. Every second I was just turning my head to make sure I wasn’t going to be hit. I cried every night for my heart was broken, and I couldn’t even control my tears. When I got caught crying I would get beat even more! Those beatings made me cry a lot more. My tears were just rushing so uncontrollable that sometimes I thought my bed was going to flood.
While I was a child going to school I would get picked on for being very shy, and hiding from the other children. I would just let them bully me, because you can say I was being bullied at my own house. It hurt pretty badly, but I still let the other children beat up on me. I could have stood up for myself, but yet I didn’t know better. Those even more made me want to isolate myself from the other kids. I was scared that if I got close to someone that I would end up doing something wrong and I would get hit. That is what would happen if I was at the house. I got in fights with some of the kids, because I was used to fighting to survive at the house. I never did get caught because the kids would jump me when no one was around. That gave me more bruises on my body.  I just let them beat up on me, never did tell anyone.
Now this is going to make you start to cry if you haven’t already. The fights at the house were no normal fights you would see at home on the TV. So many times was I closed to death that it looked like I came back from the grave and rose again. It wasn’t fun! It was so hard to close my eyes at night to sleep because I was so scared to even think of sleep. When I was alone at the house, which is when I had my fun time. I would sneak and watch TV or go out and do something outside. If I got caught playing outside when they were gone I would get beat and sent to my room without food or water. When I had those fights at first I didn’t fight back. I was smaller and very scared. Sometimes I would have blood coming from not just one place. I would be crying and trying to run, but if I even tried to run I would get it way worse. The fights never ended once they started. It was so bad that once or twice I tried to end everything by taking my life, but I didn’t really want to quit so I stayed a little strong.
I was never trusted when I never even lied. I was so hard for me to even function when I had to face them. I knew whatever I was going to say I was still going to be beat for it. So most of the time I kept my mouth shut. Still I got beat, was I ever not getting beat you might be asking yourself. Well yes there were times that I just stayed to myself and never said a word to them. I did all the dirty work I was told to do. If I made one mistake then I would be beaten. If you don’t believe me about not being trusted, then this might help you understand what I am saying. I would be bleeding out of my nose, my mouth, and I wouldn’t just be slapped. I would be punched in the face, punched in the gut, and kicked all over lower than my neck. When I was on the ground I would be kicked in the ribs, and kicked in the back. Sometimes my back would be hurting for days after.
You that are reading this paper, I hope you understand that all that happen is only what happen to one person and that person is me. I am only one of the children out of millions that were abused. Most people that were abuse hind it inside. Let me tell you something it isn’t easy to let all these emotions out like I am doing. There is a lot of fear going through their heads. This paper isn’t for me to just make you feel sorry for me, because I can care less if you feel sorry. This paper is to make you focus on how crazy and how bad child abuse is. It is to make you try harder to stop the harm for children, because children every second of the day die from being abused. So I hope I have changed your point on child abuse for the best parts. Those of you that were abused or being abused you need to know that there are people that are trying their best to stop child abuse, and try not to be scared to stand up for your thoughts and feelings.  Look at me I am happy now, I have people that care for me, and I have a talent and that is helping people in my writings. So I hope you who read this paper do the right thing.


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