Literally the most Random Story Ever

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More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a story that is meant to be humorous and make absolutely no sense whatsoever, so please enjoy :D

Submitted: August 04, 2011

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Submitted: August 04, 2011

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Story

The light in the sky was fading to a dull orange, and the clouds were swirling around in anticipation of a storm. The smell of rain was on the horizon and Brait hauled herself up the last leg of the hill, slumping down into the mud at the base of a thick tree trunk.

She had been climbing all afternoon and had finally reached her destination in time to watch the sunset. She gazed out to the horizon, eyes drinking in the sight. Just at that moment however, a large piece of cloud managed to completely block Brait’s view of the sunset. Frowning, she stood up and squinted. Golden rays of sunlight were streaming out from behind it, and she was almost certain that it was shaped like— no that was impossible. “Damn cloud” she muttered, sitting back down again.

Now the sunset was no longer visible, Brait decided there was no point staying where she was so she stood up to go, only now there was a person standing right behind her. He had come out of nowhere, nothing there one minute, some hulking guy the next.

“Who are you?” she asked, frowning. The man fixed her with a murderous glare and then Brait blinked and he was gone.

She turned around, and found he was sitting down right next to her.

“Where the hell did you come from?” Brait demanded “is this just something you do? Scaring the shit out of people then just blinking off!? Dude what’s your problem?”

The man glared up at her “got any sour straps?”

Hell no!” Brait snapped “I only got cookies!”

The man’s eyes flashed “Cookies are so last year!”

At that moment, there was a flash of lightening that struck the great tree and split it in two. Brait jumped a foot in the air, and the man did some sort of ninja flip thing and landed at the bottom of the hill. Brait didn’t have time to look down for him, she was staring at the great monster that had been zapped down with the lightening.

It was a creature, growling furiously and hulking a massive big weapon of some kind. A gaggle of kids surrounded the monster, and they all squealed as it lifted it’s weapon and smashed it down onto the ground “Beat it, you failed your last game now you’re all gonna die!”

“Wait!” Brait leaped between the monster and the kids, but the kids had already fled. The monster glared at her then lifted its’ weapon and placed it on its’ shoulder. Brait saw with alarm that the weapon was a sort of giant club, and the words MASSIVE SWEET SPOT were scrawled along it.

“Do you know what my daughter does for a living!” the monster roared, making Brait wish she had a backup plan “my daughter sews pants!” the monster shuddered “shiny pants!”

“Oh dear” Brait said “that does sound awful.”

The monster nodded, then reached into a pocket and produced a crumpled piece of paper, shoving it in Brait’s face “you seen this? I’m lookin for it!”

Brait looked hard at the paper in front of her face, too terrified to do much else unless she learnt what that SWEET SPOT could really do.

“It looks like a cloud.” Brait said politely.

“Yes” the monster grumbled “it’s lost, if you see it, come tell me, it’s supposed to look like some blinkin vampire or somethin” the monster shook its head disapprovingly “bought off the black market on ebay.”

Brait thought for a moment “is that it over there?” she pointed to the cloud that had covered her view from the sunset.

The monster looked, then roared and swung its weapon over its’ head.

“What is it!?” Brait cried out, ducking. She looked over to the cloud and saw that the man from before seemed to be attempting to capture it. “Do you know who that is?” she gasped out.

The monster roared again “IT’S DEREK!” then swung its weapon over its head again and raced off down the hill.

Brait wanted to watch the action, but there was no tree to lean against since the lightening had ruined it, so she retreated further into the woods to find another tree. For some reason, she had the strange feeling that she was being followed.

A stick cracked behind her, and she jumped in surprise. She quickly whipped around, just in time to see the lumbering shape of some sort of uncoordinated monster running clumsily along the next ridge. A figure raced after it, hair flying and arms outstretched “only second best to an IPhone4!” the pursuer screeched maniacally, and Brait shuddered and looked away.

She found a good tree, then realised that something was scrawled across it, carved into the wood. Brait leant down for a better look, and read the scratched words Ben might die!

Brait looked away, shrugging. A few less Bens in the world couldn’t hurt.

She tried to peer down the hill to see what the monster, the cloud and Derek were doing, but there was nothing in sight. She turned around and began walking through the woods, following the sound of faint laughter. She still felt like she was being followed, for some strange reason.

The closer she got, the louder the laughter became until she came into a clearing and found a strange sight. Every tree was adorned with numerous different colours of pens. Blue ones, red ones, green ones, pens every colour of the rainbow.

A very strange looking person was sitting under the nearest tree, and they appeared to be reading a book of some kind. Brait walked closer, and the person suddenly leapt up.

“Oh for the love of Pens, can’t you see I’m reading my Asian Comics! Nick off!”

Brait yelped and raced back out of the clearing as fast as she could. What a scary person she thought.

She wandered through the woods some more, until a very eerie voice floated around her. Shivers ran along Brait’s spin.

“It’s Naaaap Tiiime, Nickey!”

Thinking this was some form of torture, Brait raced off again as fast as she could. She had almost escaped the floating voice, when out from behind some trees sprang Derek.

“TWILIGHT!” he screamed.

Brait jumped a foot in the air once again, and when she landed Derek was standing there, glaring at her. His glare said something like ‘I’m so damn pissed you got scared, man I wanna kill someone now!”

Brait thought for a moment, then dug around in her pocket. She pulled out a few coins and tossed them to Derek.

“Here” she said “you know what you need? A Sausage roll! Lay off the straps for a bit too.”

Derek disappeared almost immediately, but he took the cash.

Now Derek was once again gone, Brait was left all by herself. A stick cracked again, and Brait spun around in alarm. Something was racing around in the shadows of the trees, but she couldn’t quite make it out. A horrible forbidding filled her, and she tried to follow where it went.

A voice floated down from the trees then, and what it said filled Brait with fear

“Do you know what happens when you eat too many sour straps, buy vampire clouds off ebay, have a run in with Derek, don’t go to Nap Time and don’t read enough Asian comics!?”

“No!” Brait exclaimed in alarm.

“The same thing that happens if you don’t eat your fruit and veg!” the disembodied voice screamed.

At that moment, something burst out of the trees, galloping at Brait with fangs gleaming and eyes glinting!

“YOU GET EATEN BY A VAMPIRE LLAMA!”

THE END

If you are now thinking I am highly wacked out in the head, I can assure you that this was written as a dare and contains numerous inside jokes between me and my friends. The dare was to publish this and see what reaction I got, so please please comment! cheers :D


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