A few lessons I have learned.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
I was bored in 7th grade...so I wrote these (:

Some of these may be offensve to some people but, please do not take offense to them. I don't want to hurt any ones feeling but my friend said I should post it so...yep.

Submitted: September 25, 2009

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Submitted: September 25, 2009

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1.) PINEAPPLE’S are not supposed to be CHEESY.
2.) Do not pee in midair. (If you are a girl.)
3.) Leave all porcupines ALONE.
4.) White is all right. Yellow or green is just not clean. Be CAREFUL when eating snow. I learned this one the hard way....
5.) Do not cross the line. Especially if there is a hungry wolverine on the other side.
6.) Don’t pop people’s bubbles.
7.) Chuck Noris can believe it’s not butter so STOP asking him.
8.) When life gives you lemons, sell them and buy some root-beer.
9.) DO NOT TOUCH THE HAIR.
10.) When someone snaps their hands in a “Z” formation, Snap yours in a “M” formation. It confuses them.
11.) Do not try on jeans if you know they’re gonna fit. It doesn’t make ANY sense and anyways, what’s the point?
12.) NEVER EVER EVER ask a woman (or man) what the baby did. I only made that mistake once. Being slapped with a purse is not fun, and it’s kinda painful.
13.) FINLAND and AUSTRALIA and are the best countries in the world!!!!!!!! You have no opinion in this. It’s just a fact................stop arguing. Now. Really you can’t change the facts.
14.) The polar ice caps are melting. Stop driving in stupid cars. With stupid leather seats, and stupid carpet and STUPID STUPID people.
15.)Falling down hurts, so always wear your protective gear. (Especially a helmet!)
16.) STOP TOUCHING THE HAIR.
17.) Just because it says “Kool-aid” it does not make you cool.
18.) The only reason many people go to the mall is for Hot-Topic......or food.
19.) Do not kick a dirty diaper.... Not fun.....or clean.
20.) When a psycho cat scratches your eye area, it’s time for a serious butt kicking. 
21.) Do not ask a kid if they forgot their ointment, it makes them angry.
22.) I don’t break promises....I break BONES.
23.) Smilies/emoticons are fun.
24.)Mouses are squeaky....... Especially when you step on them......Oopsies sorry Squeakers.
25.) Big word make brain go ploop.
26.) Prison stripes make people look fat....... Sorry Mom.
27.) When you see a *large* or *obese* person swimming do NOT shout “SAVE THE WHALE”.  Most *large* or *obese* people would hurt you if you do this...... I have learned this lesson multiple times but, I just can’t seem to understand it......
28.) If you wear camouflage in a area without trees people can still SEE you.
29.)Emily does not like it when people touch her purple grape scented hair so, STOP TOUCHING THE HAIR ALREADY. I promise that I will hurt you next time. And remember I don’t make promises I break bones. Don’t make me teach you this the hard way. Well, on second thought touch the hair just one more time.......
30.) Sometimes monkeys fling poo so be CAREFUL when walking by them in the zoo..... some teachers have been know to do this ghastly behavior too, so be extra careful in school because frankly, it’s a zoo out there.
31.) No one likes the party pooper, so remember always “go” before the party starts.
32.) Laughing is fun so drink a few red bulls and let the laughter out....unless your at a funeral then keep it sucked WAY in and then on the ride home well, you know let your laughter out of you lungs and “HA HA HA HA HA!”. Don’t  go “HO HO HO” because your not Santa...are you?
33.) Life is short and so are midgets.
34.) Don’t make short people mad, they just might be a professional wrestler. Or they might just kick your kneecaps.....which hurts.....a lot. Ow...
35.) People get mad if you switch their strawberry ice cream to vanilla ice cream colored with rat blood.....Heheh.
35.) Don’t push people down elevator shafts....the might just press charges.
36.) If you going to rob a bank don’t take money out of your account first............
37.) Don’t go around wolves or bears if you cooked steak earlier that day.....
38.) If your blond, don’t waste your money on getting blond highlights! Doesn’t work well....trust me.
39.) If you grandparents are bald don’t make fun of them, it hereditary.
40.) Bobbing for pickles is a very good idea so, if your party’s dying bring out a bucket and jar of pickles.
41.) Paper shredders are not nice, I mean what’s the fun in those things?! It’s no fun when your throwing a paper away and those THINGS shred it before you can!
42.) Hippies are great, they can protest, they have long hair, they love rainbows AND they can wear SANDALS in the winter!!!!!!
43.)  If  you have a problem that can’t be fixed with band-aids, duct tape, and reality television, it’s serious.
44.) Cats don’t like to be dressed up in doll’s clothing so don’t even try it.
45.) Whoever said everyone is beautiful on the inside had obviously never cut open a slug and looked inside it. SLugs aren’t pretty on the inside......or even on the out...


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