The Heart Beats

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Tatiana thought she would have forever with Lucas. But things never turn out the way she expects. "I need to focus on was Lucas. He had to make it. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to him"

Submitted: January 01, 2012

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Submitted: January 01, 2012

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Everyone has a story. It may not always be easy to spot but it’s there. You see a glint of it in the nurse’s eye, or the pain of losing a patient on a doctor’s face, only seen when no one is looking.

Look around.

You see people anxiously waiting to hear the good news from the doctors; waiting to hear that the ones they love are going to be okay. You see the spark of hope in their eyes, with that hint of fear, always present. This leads me to the other kind of people. There are those people dreading the words they don’t want to hear. Words they know will be the end of things: I’m sorry. Those two words—though mostly innocent in any other circumstance—mark the end.

As soon as you hear those words, followed immediately by the situation, you head into the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.

But how do you accept loss? Do you tell yourself they wouldn’t want you to grieve for them? That they’re in a better place?

It doesn’t exactly make you feel any better.

How would I know? I’ve been through this twice before. First when my father had his heart attack, and again when I found out my twin brother had a tumour that was inoperable without giving him brain damage. Both times I got the I’m sorry... suffice to say, I know what I’m talking about.

So here I sit, once again, in the cafeteria of the hospital, staring unseeingly out the window, watching the rain fall. I used to think the rain was God’s tears falling, crying over the loss of his children.

I don’t think that anymore. Call me a cynic, whatever. But when you’ve been through what I have, you would too. All I need to focus on was Lucas. He had to make it. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to him.

Pushing the tray of hospital food away, I lay my head on my arms and close my eyes as memories of the past forty-eight hours flashed through my head.

* * *

Pain. My head throbbed with pain, and something sticky ran down my face.

I lifted my head and looked over at Lucas beside me. He was unconscious. I couldn’t tell if he was breathing or not. Blood ran down from a wound in his head. I saw shattered glass from the windshield sticking out. Panic coursed through me.

“Lucas?” I whispered.

There was no answer.

“Lucas?” I asked again.

Sirens. All I heard were sirens. Quiet at first but got louder as they approached. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to ignore the sight before me. My Lucas.

--

“Will he be okay?” I asked as the doctor stitched a cut above my eyebrow.

The doctor didn’t answer. “Please, tell me he’ll be okay.” I whispered, gripping the bed beneath me. I barely registered the scene. All I knew was that Lucas wasn’t there. I wished someone would hold me. I needed someone else to tell me that he was going to be okay. It was usually Lucas’s job. For once, Lucas wasn’t there. Please. Someone help me.

--

“The next twenty-four hours are crucial.”

I listened without hearing.

“...coma... wake up on his own...”

Words; all they said were words of encouragement. They couldn’t tell me if he would live.

“Talk to him... might hear...”

--

I sat beside Lucas, taking his bandaged hand in mine.

“Lucas,” I whispered, “it’s me, Tatiana. I don’t know if you can hear me. The doctors think that if I talk to you, you might wake up.” I waited, studying him carefully. The blood was washed from his blond hair. His face was bruised and cut. He looked so pale, wrapped in all those bandages. He looked like death—

No! Don’t say that! I scowled at myself for the ridiculous thought. He was not going to die. He’ll wake up and get better. I’ll help him.

“Open your eyes Luke. Wake up and open your eyes.” I slipped my hand into one of his. I frowned at how cool it felt. Even through the bandages I could acutely tell the difference. Panic and horror washed over me.

“Lucas,” I crawled onto the bed, curling up against his side. “I’m here, Lucas. You’re not alone.” I gently cupped his cheek in my hand and kissed him. His lips felt coarse and chapped. “I love you Lucas. Please, wake up.”

Nothing. Not a twitch or a moment.

“Please, don’t leave me.”

--

“Tatiana, you need to get out of here. You’ve been here for two days.” The doctor said. “Get something to eat. Go home and rest. You won’t be any good for Lucas when he wakes up.”

I accepted his argument and dragged myself up and out of the chair. “I’ll be back, Lucas.” I leaned down and kissed his forehead. “I love you.”

* * *

I raise my head from my arms and look around, momentarily confused. Where am I? I focus on the room before me.

Disinfectant. Right, I’m in the hospital. Lucas is here. Lucas is in a coma. Lucas hasn’t woken up yet.

I swallow and stand up. Grabbing the Vitamin water from off the tray, I throw the rest of the food out and get up, heading up to the third floor towards Lucas’s room.

I know something is wrong the minute I walk inside. For one, there are two nurses and a doctor in there, working on Lucas.

“What’s going on?” I ask in panic.

“You can’t be in here right now, Miss.” The nurse closest to me says.

“But that’s my husband.” I argue. “Please, is something happening?” I beg for answers.

“I’m sorry, Miss, but you can’t be in here right now.”

They kick me out of the room and I lean against the wall beside the door, sinking slowly to the ground. The ring on the third finger of my left hand feels heavy. How could it have only been seventy-two hours since we got married and already I fear for my husband’s life? This isn’t supposed to happen. We were supposed to love a long and happy life. I remember my vows...

I, Tatiana, take you Lucas, to be my husband, best friend, partner and lover. I will honour and respect our bond, and love you more each day. I will trust you, laugh with you and share your tears with you. I promise to always be by your side in good times and bad, regardless of the challenges we meet. I give you my heart, my love, my hand in all our days together.

This isn’t the challenge I was expecting to meet so soon.

Before I have time to contemplate, the doctor comes out. His face was expressionless. I scramble to my feet and stare at him, waiting. “Well? How is he? How’s Lucas?” I held my breath, waiting.

Time slows down as I wait. My hands clench into fists, my nails dig into the delicate skin of my palm.

“Doctor?”

“I’m sorry.”


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