The Edge of Sanity

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

A collection of poems reflecting the struggle and burden of being diagnosed manic-depressive (bipolar).


Defined

definition
define
lost to a host of meaning
squandered reprisal, spirals of despair
valleys of techi-coloured blandness, open handed
fist

Empty
losing, lost
vindictive arsenal of benediction
snarling spite laden toothless
grin

Hate
me, you
does it matter its the same
swirling mists of apathetic empathy
I care

Somehow
I, you
Lost to it all
Wandering forever, broken damaged
Hurt, jagged tears cry no more
Broken

untitled

How many times do I stand in line?

faceless,

hiding,

wishing I was someone else,

wishing I could be myself,

nameless,

a momentary, transitory, temporal, corporeal being.

Fragile.

I am tired,

worn out,

my body sore,

distorted

this way and that

Gnarled and twisted

Do I have to play these games people play?

Do I have to feel this pain?

plainness, mendacity, the unbearable crush of average


Where is my light?

Where did the rush go?

When did I give in and decide to fade to dust like the billions of nameless stars that have crashed and burned into the sea before me?

In the end, I will be summed up by an empty eulogy,

complete and utter absorption

destruction

like Carthage, "no root shall tarry, my soil shall forever be barren from one age to the next"

I could plea, but no one would hear me

betrayal is final

I have no one,

the duplicity of souls is as it is,

the isolation a deafening roar

Sometimes you have to smile.

untitled

I want a blanket
heavy, warm and thick
I need a blanket
No holes, dirty or clean

It's not like I'm a child
It doesn't need to be soft
I don't need the security of the familiar
No hugs, smiles, or happy thoughts

A blanket can be just a blanket
coarse, soft, thin or thick
It has a function, a purpose - design
So don't read more into it than I say

When I say, what I said
I need a blanket
I want a blanket
No holes, dirty or clean

'Why' is for the whore
'How' in the doing
If I knew 'Where' I would get it
It's just a blanket

No holes, dirty or clean
No hugs, smiles or happy thoughts
Just a me and a blanket and my need to want
A blanket to put over my head

Numb

I wish I was numb,
like it didn't matter,
if only one set of pills could numb everything

Some pain is too real,
existing at the boundary between the now and then
in the washed out tininess of time

It all pulls apart, slowly, the universe,
it aches, draws you in, spits you out

What do you call it? Does it have a name?
If you name it does it disappear?

Gosless

Sometimes I feel like,

everything in the world is upon,

on,

beyond and around

The weight just feels unbearable.

A mountain on an ant.



Other times,

I feel light,

everything is numb,

easy,

floatingly glurgless

A feathered feather of down and up,

left and right,

skweeeee!

This isn't either

Invisible,

a hole,

black,

relentless

A waste of space,

a space to waste,

a waist too big,

to big a waist,

an inevitable place,

a place I face


I don't know,

no I do know,

I hate this feeling,

I hate not being,

being less,

no more,

but less

It's here,

not there,

but here,

I fear

I fear that I can only be,

right here

Not there,

not THERE,

or there,

but here


So I sit,

in the emptiness

that is my life

Barren,

squalid

scorched

frozen in time

under a northern sky

I can not,

not,

can not be,

anything

anymore,

anything

less then be



I just want to be someone you see

Thoughts to Fill the Space

Thoughts to fill the space
to fill the space
to fill the space
thoughts to fill the space
the space
the space

momma had a dog and its head was cut off

thoughts to fill to space
to fill the space
to fill the space
thoughts to fill

raccoons are blue when dairy trucks turn upside down on the yellow road to

thoughts to fill the space
to fill the space
to fill the space
thoughts to fill the space
the space
the space

I wonder how many gophers I can fit inside the rectum of a cow?

thoughts to fill the space
to fill the space
to fill the space
thoughts to

sometimes vegetarians are egg beating ex-wife hating women in plaid skirts with freeborn runes dancing over the plastic plasmic sky


fill the space
fill the space



plastic

plasmic

pulmonary

principles of precision

pinhole

pioneering

plasty plasim

Perfect

prefect

predicate of preposterous pomp

pleasure

Rectum filled balloons

baboon orange

vanilla sky

fecund flakes of aspiring perspiration

dairy cream pie

gelatinous jelly

Greek underpants

raspberry banana shoes

pine cone hats made of cheese

thoughts to fill the space
to fill the space
to fill the space
thoughts to...

the..
space..

...

An Insect Amongst Gods

She's soft, like velvet, wet and warm,

I feel her draw me in, I feel her... I feel her deep inside of me

It's unmistakable,

A kiss, a soft kiss, sweet and indelible

I can smell her, around her hangs welcoming darkness,

like a dream

a home, my mother's bosom

It cannot be

I will not let it be

A memory will not rule over me


Submitted: April 12, 2012

© Copyright 2022 Foss Fossington. All rights reserved.

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Comments

tattooedmoon

Hi dearie:) The poems you wrote are superb!. Good use of imagery and undoubtedly you have innate talent of painting through your words. I like the first poem, the first untitled poem and the last poem you wrote. Please keep me updated if you post a new one.
Kisses-T-

Fri, April 13th, 2012 2:36pm

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