Torture Of Tears

Reads: 150  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 3

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a poem I wrote when I was in a dark place. I let out alot of my pain into it, you could call it venting. Enjoy.

Submitted: August 12, 2009

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 12, 2009

A A A

A A A


The pain is eating into me. It’s eating my heart, my soul, my mind. I can’t breathe. Someone help me. These tears won’t fall; they never seem to fall when I need them to.

My heart doesn’t understand that these tears must fall so I don’t go as far as to pick up the safety pin hiding in my bandana and use it in a way the inventor didn’t intend it to be used for. To scar my wrist, to scar my mind, scarring my heart.

I look around for something that can bring me comfort. Nothing does. I need someone to hold me and say everything will be all right, even though we both know it won’t be. I want someone to say they love me and truly mean it, someone who isn’t my family. I need someone, and I know who I need, but there are two and I have no idea which one, but they both don’t respond. Neither of them responds to my cry for help.

I take deep, unsteady breaths as I try to make the tears fall so I can have some relief spread through my body. I clinch my fists and close my eyes. “Please.” I whisper. I look around the room, searching for something to distract myself.

My eyes fall upon the picture of my lost mother, the one that should’ve stayed alive for me, but put her wants before my needs, although she never meant to. I feel my heart shred to pieces. How can this heart love after being broken so many times?

My fingers tremble as I snap the rubber band against the skin of my wrist, hoping the pain there would stop me from cutting. I shudder and bring it at my wrist repeatedly, harder each time, I stop after four, taking a breath and trying to cry.

My heart shatters as my eyes zoom to my dresser-to the bandana-to the safety pin. I look away. I look at my email, nothing. I look at my phone, nothing. “Please, help.” I mumble.

I blast the rock music into my ears from my headphones. It distracts my thoughts somewhat and brings me some comfort. But the pain isn’t leaving completely. I have no idea where all this is coming from.  I let out a moan of pain as my thoughts zoom through my head, attacking my soul.

I get up and pace around the room. I throw my fist at my door, trying to be quiet so I won’t wake anyone. I fall to my knees and hit my head against the doorframe. I let out a scream, that doesn’t escape my lips, lingers in my mind and rings through my ears. How could the scream not come out? I put my face in my hands and tremble. “This is my fault.” I mutter.

I stand, shaking slightly. I close my eyes and fall on my bed. I begin to shake violently. I throw my fists repeatedly at my pillow; I wish to hit the wall, to make my fists bleed. I struggle to make the tears fall. They still won’t.

My last thought before I fall away to sleep, is why I deserve this torture.


© Copyright 2017 Freddo. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:

Comments

avatar

Author
Reply

avatar

Author
Reply

avatar

Author
Reply