Delilah’s Eyes

This was very smooth! For some improvements I recommend beefing up a few parts such as the training regime, Delilah's parents (whether they had been killed in battle, wounded, or if they had been in the VO before her), and her relationship with Joselyn (his fighting style, possible ambitions if he spoke of them, etc.)
But overall a very good start to things! The words are for the most part very fluid and articulate - something that's definitely not easy for everyone. The storyline has great potential too! I can't wait to read more :D

Ohh, loved it! This was a great action chapter. I love the 'play' fighting taking place. You describe the emotions and actions very well, the paragraphs flowing into each other with perfection. I loved that she got angry and smack the befunckle out of him, lol. I was cheering her and clapping my hands, lol. I don't have any corrections to offer, as I look more into if I like the characters, which I do, and if the story flows. Everything is engaging and entertaining, making this a pleasure to read. Please proceed! Excellent Chapter!

This is a very exciting start. The flow is natural and well paced which makes the reading a breeze to follow. I don't know if this is just me, but I believe a Prologue is something you write that you don't want to mention in the main story, but it's still important for us to know. So maybe give us a bit more background on the supernatural beings, how they came into this world and maybe just a semi-objective they have planned. Overall I greatly enjoyed the start and will continue till the end!

This amazing. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see what you come up with for upcoming chapters.

omg I had to shelf it !!!!!!!!!

I feel like this is an interesting start. I enjoy our main character's voice. It reads very naturally as a stream of consciousness which I, as a reader, appreciate very much, haha! You did an awesome job weaving in information about Delilah (what's it like in New York City? XD) and the Venitiers (pretty sure I spelt that wrong.) This is an excellent start for a prologue! See ya in the next chapter!

Great job! Some parts dragged a bit but i was still engaged. I was wondering if you could read the first chapter of my book. I could really use a good writer's criticism and critiques. Thank you!

You got my attention. Delilah seems smart. Observant. Cunning. And suddenly very weary after Josolyn’s warning and disappearance.

Two things/Suggestions:
Instead of “ice blue eyes.” Would “icy” be a better selection than “ice?”—just a thought/suggestion.

And then this, “I was on my way to practice when I felt I tug on my arm…” shouldn’t the second “I” be an “a’ instead?

Overall, a good start. You got my curiosity and I’m eager for the first chapter to come along. Best of luck in writing and publishing this my friend.

I love your chapter!
Everyone else seems to have covered all of the grammatical errors that I saw already so I won't comment on those. My heart was racing as I read this almost as though I was there and I like the fight scene I could see it in my mind.
Impatiently awaiting the next chapter!

Hello, You are truely a natural talent. I always find it hard to write an adrenaline rush and have it make complete sense. Keep on writing and you managed to do it amazingly. I did notice this. "I hear his hand contact with the floor." I might be wrong but it sounds like you missed the word "Make."... "I hear his hand make contact with the floor." In my opinion it makes more sense that way. Amazing writing.. When's the next update?

Sorry i took so long to get to your story! I was actually already drawn in by your summary which interested me! Now to the actual story, very good plot line, i see a lot of potential in it. I do like a romance, mysterious, supernatural novel :). Anyways, i don't think i really saw any grammatical errors, which was very good! (I sometimes struggle with letting a couple slide). The only thing i would say is to maybe put a little more detail and flow into certain scenes. Such as when he tugged on her arm, we weren't expecting it, and we wanted it to happen so explain the moment a bit more maybe and let it flow some. I know you were going for a more quick introduction so maybe i'm just blowing air, but all in all I liked it! I wouldn't mind coming back and reading the next chapters when i have time! I would like to see where this will go! :)

Another good chapter. It can be difficult painting a picture of two people fighting, but you do a great job at describing the combat. Well done!

Nice chapter! When is your next chapter set to release? This seems like a great book! I can't offer any advice, simply because you are above my skill :) I did notice one spelling error, you wrote shoat instead of shout in the sentence "Anger sparks in me..." I'm eager to read more! :)

Hey, you left a comment on my page to come check out your writings with some critiques, here're some for you:

"Not only are their eyes a different color different," (I'm sure that last different was a mistake, but messes up the reader.)

Did you mean Veniter Organization, not Origination?

you got me. i this really going to be an interested story.
just a couple of typo-error i spotted. not a big deal you only have edit and correct them.

from the line: "when i turn around to face Linca, he (WAS) ready and waiting" and "how can (I) describe this feelings"

you're doing great.

this is a very good start. i love writing but i'm actually writing my ever first novel so i cant say am a pro in writing but i can say i am a good reader and this is the kind of material any reader wanna read. i like the way you introduced suspense in the prologue. you invoked the curiosity of the reader. and i hope that you will tell us more about who the veniters are. they seem an interesting creatures and i believe they will strengthen the intensity of your conflict.

keep up the good work :-)
(and if you got time i'd love it if you can review my story HEARTBEAT OF PAIN. not a must though lol)

I love the book cover btw! The colours in the eye are mesmerising :-)

I couldn't find any mistakes buddy :-) I think this is very promising. I am intrigued by these Veniters and their abilities and want to read on to find out more about them and the fact that Josolyn has disappeared adds a little mystery to it all. Great job! I for one are keen for more!

The hunter becomes the hunted?

This has a good opening.
In your third paragraph: "...the Veniters have multi-coloured eyes, having a mix of colours, normally two or more." - I would eliminate "having a mix of colours". It's redundant; it's simply restating that they have multi-coloured eyes.
In the following paragraph, the first sentence, there is an unnecessary use of the word "different".
In the second-last paragraph, when Delilah first meets Josolyn. "It was a Monday, and I was on my way to practice when I felt I tug on my arm ..." - "I felt I tug" should be "a tug".
Ooh, a mystery has been set in motion! Great way to end the chapter.
The backstory is solid. You have a strong narrative that reads wonderfully. This chapter is well written. I particularly like Delilah's backstory: "I have had no time for friends, I haven't even had time for family." - that says a lot about her.
The names are great! Delilah, Josolyn, Veniter - they have an earthy quality to them. That's the only way I can describe it.
I enjoyed reading this chapter. I will be back at some point to read the next chapter. It may take a while, but I will read it.
Your writing is fantastic, you have done a good job at introducing the main character, as well as shedding some light on the world she lives in, and you've launched a compelling mystery. Great stuff!

Great job! It sound great and can't wait for more