Thoughtless thoughts

So, here I am writing this letter in times of despair and need for someone to see and hear me.

Life is not easy, it's far from easy I want to heal  the world I want to make it better. I feel hopeless and hopeful at the same time.

Right now I am alone, unhappy and unprideful/unaccomplished I feel targeted by society to conform to fit their mall of what i'm supposed to be.

I feel chained to a tower in a tree, sometimes I'm able to touch the branches and fully take them in but i'm still stuck in the tower watching as beauty comes but never to me because i'm afraid. Afraid of  what this beauty holds. This tower is so dark and cold only lonely restless unappreciated souls rest here.

Am I invited to the party? I just feel like there is no beauty left. That I am an enemy, outcast more so. The unwanted, I try to behave, try to break free what way is there for me to take to feel whole, to feel free, to feel happy? I don't want to be a burden.

Here I sit writing in my room, briefly liberated from the aching pain in my heart and soul, trying to make something worth loving living for. Believe in love has my mother taught me. Act love has my dad  showed me. Love if life! But I see so much lost lambs with such few circumstances worth life living. I want to love them, help them, love them. I hate to be angry I hurt people.