Unsure of my Mind

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
Have you ever not been able to tell if your life actually sucks or if it's all in your head?

Submitted: May 24, 2015

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Submitted: May 24, 2015

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Disaster follows me, it's like a shadow constantly waiting to strike.

Family and friends are all hurt and scarred by the mess that I call my life.

Before you try to help it's only fair I warn you either I will break you or you will me

Because that's how it's always been and that's how it always will be 

Because broken people have a tendency

To try too hard so you won't see

The scars the marks the pain in our eyes

We lie so well when we say we're fine

So many are fooled by the little show

Of smiling and laughing so no one knows

No one knows the hell you face

No one knows your happiness is fake 

But it's truly scary when you aren't sure

If it's all in your head or if it's this messed up world

And you start slipping more and more

But no one notices or cares at all

Are things looking up? I can't tell

I'm silently drowning in my hell

The ones around you are starting to heal

But the better they get the worse you feel

Because the dependency you've developed is one you can't let go

If you did how would you still know

That you're alive and your heart is beating

Blood pumps through your veins and you're not leaving

Not yet anyway

You can wait one more day

Because I still don't know if the pain is just ghosts of what I felt in the past
 
Or if this hurt is real and is going to last

The less friends I have the better it seems

So they don't hurt if I try to leave

My heads torn in two I don't know what to do

One says I'm getting better the other says I'm screwed

I can't tell as of this moment if I'm in hell or I'm creating my own

From fears and hurt of the past that my mind decided to clone

And put it back in my life 

so I can't see the sunshine 

Maybe I deserve darkness and maybe that's why

I don't feel okay until I go to sleep at night.


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