No Angel

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic

What are the thoughts of a young lady who never felt love?

I’m not an angel
I lie, cheat, hurt people
I convince myself that I’m doing a good thing
When deep inside, I know it’s wrong
I’m not good in expressing my feelings
I do have kind of a temper
But I can resist the urge of talking back
IF there’s no point at talking at all
So when I woke up one morning
Overhearing a conversation
With one cursing how useless I am
Don’t expect me to be an angel and let it go
Yes, I did cry
But it’s not because I’m hurt for myself
I cried to release all the pain I’ve had from her
Every word she says pierce my heart
How many times had she call me stupid?
Little Devil?
Too much insults
They didn’t matter though
But she mentioned my mother
Her own daughter
And I can’t help but shed a tear
She resents my mother for keeping me alive
When she’s supposed to be studying
She resents me for taking away the future
My mother should have had
She made me feel like a mistake
And all my life, I believe I am
So she hates me that much?
I want to tell her not to worry
The feeling is the same
I hate myself too
Not just hate, but loathe my existence
I ruined a lot of lives
And I know I can never fix it back
I’m a useless sin
I can never make people around me happy
I can’t even respect the people around me
But could you blame it all to me
When they look at me as if I’m disgusting?
When they can’t see me as a person
But as a trash?
I’m not an angel
I’m a person made by lust
Maybe I was never worth to be loved
But I hope I am
I hope somewhere someone would see me
As someone worth loving
Not an angel, not perfect
But still, worth loving and caring

Submitted: December 21, 2014

© Copyright 2020 FrozenHeartoftheQueen. All rights reserved.

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