unbarring

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
its about a black family in the civil rights movement.

Submitted: September 03, 2012

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Submitted: September 03, 2012

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Entry 5:

5/27/1961

 “I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”

-Edgar Allen Poe

People tell me every day to enjoy, but I don’t see what to enjoy inside it as long as I have no one to enjoy it with. God has taken everything from me. It is not even worth living if there is no one in my life at all not even god. After I lost everything I just gave up on life.

I wish I had someone to hold me or someone I can hold, but everyone I had is in the past and people just think I am freak.  People don’t like to be around me, so I just avoid everyone. Living without socializing, without human contact, living without physical contact with someone is miserable. I wish it could be different. I dedicated the rest of my life on one thing and I have succeeded. Now there is no reason for me to live anymore. That is why this is my last entry. My last entry.

Entry 4:

5/23/1961

“Solitude is fine but you need someone to tell that solitude is fine.”

- Honoré de Balzac

All I have left in my life is me, myself, and I. If only I held onto what I had. If only I didn’t take advantage of it. If only I realized it. If only I noticed it. If only I gave it more time. If only I loved it more. What if life didn’t have to be like this? What if I could live my life with something? If I even find that something.  If tried looking for that something where would I look.

I wish I could hold her once again. She comforts me and made me who I am. But all has gone to lost because she is gone and the man she made me has gone with her as well. She left one thing behind that belonged to both of us, but it’s gone now.

Entry 3:

5/19/1961

 

“Achievement has no color”

? Abraham Lincoln

Memories are a virtue, but they’re dangerous if there not released.  My memories haunt me every time I close my eyes. My memories of her, my memories of him, and my memories of them. Memories are killing me slowly. Oh god, please take these memories away.

Memories of her, my love, help my move on in life. She told me that there is always something to live for.  Memories of him, my child, show me that something so small; something so incapable can survive and bloom in the world. Memories of them, my parents, guided me in life and helped me decided to do the right thing. All of these people made me who I am.  

Entry 2:

5/11/1961

“War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.”

? George Orwell

We were told that we are free black men, but we weren’t equal. We fought for our rights. We were beaten by the police. We were attacked by civilians. As we were taking buses throughout the south fighting for civil rights we were kidnapped in Alabama. I was beaten and woke up with a bag on my head. I was tied up. I heard crying. We were in a moving vehicle. They took me out of the vehicle and walked me. Once we entered the warehouse they removed the bag off my head. I looked around I see people wearing white robes and pointed hats. I was praying to god to keep my family safe.

When I was dragged away from them I felt like I have lost everything I ever grew up to. I feel like that they just ripped out my heart.

When they took me through a warehouse and just threw me in an empty room I felt like I was never going to see anyone again.

When they took my family and torched them in front of me and forced to watch I felt like I was going to burst.

When they chained me to the wall, I felt like I was going to drop dead then.

 When they forced me to kill my family, I couldn’t do it.

They murdered my family in front my eyes, I felt like I did it myself.

Entry 1:

5/6/1961

 

I don’t know why I was brought there. I don’t know why they tortured my family. I don’t know why they killed my family. I don’t know why they let me go after. I do know one thing. I will put everything I have to destroy them. They will pay for what they did. But I after I do destroy them there is nothing for me left to live for. I will not live through being alone for the rest of my life. God forgive me for wanting to take my own life.

“You see, freedom has a way of destroying things.”

? Scott Westerfeld

 


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