Assassination of Jackasses

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
I have come to the conclusion that I HATE ALL MEN!!! So this story is completely fictional and I have no intention to "off" someone. I just wrote it to rant about my irritation.

Now, the characters: Gorgeous Amber is...*drum roll* CLASSY PEACH!

Angelina: ME!

Mai: ....uhm I guess Mai is Mai *scratches head*

Anyway, enjoy and please gimme some comments!

Submitted: June 05, 2008

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Submitted: June 05, 2008

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A A A


Assassination of Jackasses

 

 

A red Jimmy Choo stiletto hung loosely from a perfectly manicured toe.  Amber still couldn’t believe she got these on sale. Jimmy Choo Stiletto’s on sale are as hard to find as teeth in a chicken’s mouth.  She admired them from heel to toe and sighed contently.

 

Angelina looked at Amber and said in her husky voice “If you tell me one more time about how lucky you were to get those shoes, I’m going to stick the heel up your arse.”

 

“Envy…” Amber singsonged.

 

“Ello, excuus mee” Mai, the Chinese receptionist, interrupted. “You av phone call, Hamber.”

 

Amber sighed and took the call.  She hated Mai.  Trust bloody Angelina to hire a Chinese speaking receptionist to run their PI Office.  Mai looked like she was 180 years old and she reeked of Asian spices and goodness knows what not. Of course Ange adored her. 

 

“Hangeleenaa, you want some tea?” Mai asked.

 

“Sure Mai.” Ange smiled and realized how lucky they were to have Mai. Her English sucked and she couldn’t see properly but she was as cute as a button.  And she liked the idea of having a P.A.

 

“Hot Damn!” Amber shouted and threw the phone down. “We have a live one! Mrs Sampson caught her hubby doing the nasty! Finally! We’ve been after him for years.”

 

Mrs Sampson was their biggest client and her husband’s sexual drive was almost bigger than Amber’s boobs.

 

“So she wants us to do the hit?” Angelina asked.

 

“Well, obviously. The Jackass deserves to die.”

 

“Wa hit? Who you hit Hangeleenaa?” Mai asked.

 

“Mai, how bout my tea?” Ange said before Mai realized what their business actually included. 

 

Angelina and Amber started ASS (A Secret Service) six years ago after they caught their husbands cheating.  While digging their dead husband’s graves at 01:00 AM behind the Mayor’s house, they made a vow to start a business and kill all the cheating, lying bastards they could lay their hands on.  Funny enough, both of them never had murdering tendencies before the spouses went on a humping spree.  Strange what a man can do to a woman’s head.

 

They scraped the cash together and bought a run-down office in downtown where you were offered drugs at every parking meter.  They loved the atmosphere.  They could have bought a decent place but it had so much character, they couldn’t refuse. 

 

The betrayed spouses usually paid big money to have their cheating men “whacked”.  Both the women went through a hell of a boot camp to get into peak physical condition.  They liked to think of themselves as ninjas.  Well, not like Mai.  The sexy ones. 

 

They always attracted attention where ever they went.  Amber with her golden blond shoulder length curls and crystal blue eyes, looked like an angel.  Angelina was the exact opposite.  Jet black hair with green eyes were a deadly combination.  Of course, their looks attracted the cheaters so it made their job so much easier.

 

“Come girl.  She gave me his current location.  Let’s load them up and go.”

 

 

**********

 

ASS’s black SUV pulled up slowly behind an abandoned building.  Mr Sampson obviously had no style whatsoever.  He brought his mistress to an old mill and was shagging her in his Merc. 

 

“Well lookit there!” Amber said “He’s riding her like a racehorse. Shall we bomb him or do it discreetly?”

 

“I don’t know. The bazooka is in the back but I think that will cause too much noise.” Angelina replied.

 

“How about the Tommy Gun? Haven’t used that in a while.”

 

“Ooh that’s a good one.”

 

The Assassins quietly got out of the SUV and got their gear. They leopard crawled to the back of the car. 

 

“Ahh what the hell” Amber said and got up and kicked the back window open.  Shards of glass scattered over the two shagging lovers.

 

“What the f…” the shocked Mr Sampson shouted. He pushed himself up with his hands and tried to cover his wobbling willy.

 

“Who the hell are you?” he screeched.

 

“Good day Mr Sampson.  You don’t need to know our names.  All you need to know is that we’ll be your assassins for today” Amber replied with a smile.

 

“Assassins? What are talking about?” the naked lady asked.

 

“Shut you mouth, Tramp.  Take your clothes and go before we shoot you.” Ange said. “Say goodbye to your mistress, Mr Sampson.”

 

“I d…don’t even know her” he stuttered.

 

“Oh, so you just cheat on your wife with random strangers?” Ange said and pointed the Tommy Gun at him. “You bastard.” She hissed.

 

“Wow Ange. You know the rules” Amber said and pushed to weapon away.

 

“Now, Lady.  Like we said. Take your clothes and drive away.”

 

“She can’t take my car!” Mr Sampson yelled.

 

“Well, it’s not like your gonna need it. Go. Now” Amber said.

 

The woman grabbed her clothes and jumped into the front seat naked.  Ange grabbed the man by the arm and dragged him out the car. While Ange beat him up a little, Amber watched as the lady drove away.

 

Amber looked at the squirming man on the ground and pointed the gun at him.

 

“Now listen.  You are going to die.  Your wife paid us to have you removed from her life. You are nothing but a worthless piece of trash.” Amber said and with that she pulled the trigger.

 

RA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA

 

************

 

“Hamber, you want sum tee?” Mai asked.

 

“No, Mai.  I don’t drink tea.  But you can bring me a…”

 

Amber stopped in mid-sentence when she heard the door slam and turned around.  In the doorway stood a dark haired woman.  Probably mid-forties.  She was crying her eyes out and shaking like a leaf.  Ange jumped up and offered her a chair.  She sat down and tried to hide her shaking hands.

 

“My friend, Mrs Sampson, referred me to you” she sobbed. “My husband cheated on me with my sister and I heard you could….you know….take care of him.”

 

The three woman sat like that into the deep of the night, discussing her problem and working out the details. 

 

Working out how to soothe those who have been wronged.

 

 

 


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