Trapped in myself

The biggest joy has turned into a demon
The love for life transformed into pain
I would`ve never known how how much it will cost
To see in the mirror how deeply I was lost
Who will kiss me ,who will love me,who will worship me
who will be my real friend,nobody knows my heart
Life has started such a joy and the love was fun
from the life I tore a big bite and ate it on the run
I was normal so I thought,loser I was not,
Not a kid anymore,now a blade red-hot
Violence part was of the life but not the real deal
Strange face every night I see and close in for the kill
Happy,lively,joyful life,neat white lines of coke
I wished I could live forever and built my house on rock
But all around me was a quicksand,little did I know
Using also being used thus the game went on
Freedom,beauty,joy and fun,all was there to take
I could never see the truth,my conscience was on break
Lust,addictions,wicked deeds I have welcomed all
All was innocent I thought,all this makes me whole
Easy pleasure here and there,easy flesh embraced
Laughter,sex,blood and whiskey,a doomed,losing race
Paranoia and hangover,vast emptiness inside
Always cheating,always lying,always things to hide
Outside bright and inside rotten how easy did it grow
Quickly rules I had forgotten,the flesh was all I saw
I was great or so I thought,never looked back
The happy smiling lively soul was actually black
This love has come to bring me joy,I was changed,so I thought
A revelation came with it,that inside I was not
Where is the coolest hero now,where is the laughing boy
The innocent and childish soul was Devil`s little toy
The hero now is gone forever,a soul without a smile
The man that has been so adored would never walk the aisle
Anger,cuts and sleeping pills,believe me,did not help
Spitting,cursing,rotten self was dooming me for hell
Now who will ever understand,a prisoner am I
Outside smile and joy for life,inside a bitter cry
How do I ever get away,a devil I was not
But devil all the people are,for we are born to rot