Cruelty of Greed

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

From a place unknown!

 

From a ripple of change can a storm arise
Just one ray of hope makes me lose my mind
Never changing, always there
My tender heartstings begin to tear
 
I pour out my heart
Give you my soul
In one fell swoop 
You leave but a hole
 
What is the reason
What have i done
Do i deserve this
or is it your fun
 
You scream and shout
You ball your eyes
You leave me here
To fall into demise
 
I dont understand it
Or see how it works
i must have done something
for you to cause me this hurt
 
You leave me behind
An explanation i need
For the first time ever
I see the cruelty of Greed!
 
 


Submitted: February 13, 2012

© Copyright 2022 G3or63. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Brian W

A good poem with nice flow and rhyme..In the first stanza the lines seem to long compered to the rest of the poem.....Well written

Mon, February 13th, 2012 11:46pm

Author
Reply

Thank again! I do know what you mean about the start seeming out of place, i tried reducing it down but couldn't make it work. Will revisit it at a later point in hope of an epiphany!

Mon, February 13th, 2012 4:00pm

Brian W

Maybe do this and then add two more lines????

From a ripple of change
Can a storm arise
Just one ray of hope
Makes me lose my mind

Never changing always there
My tender heartstrings begin to tear
??????
??????

But it is only my opinion and I am not qualified....Neverless a good poem

Tue, February 14th, 2012 12:09am

Author
Reply

Hmm, could break the first stanza into two and expand upon it rather than try and shrink it to match. Will have a think on it.
Looking at some of your poems, your opinion is appreciated, not being qualified doesn't necessarily cause you to be worse off!
Thanks again!

Mon, February 13th, 2012 4:14pm

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