Cruelty of Greed

Poem by: G3or63

Reads: 380 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 2

From a place unknown!

From a ripple of change can a storm arise

Just one ray of hope makes me lose my mind

Never changing, always there

My tender heartstings begin to tear

I pour out my heart

Give you my soul

In one fell swoop

You leave but a hole

What is the reason

What have i done

Do i deserve this

or is it your fun

You scream and shout

You ball your eyes

You leave me here

To fall into demise

I dont understand it

Or see how it works

i must have done something

for you to cause me this hurt

You leave me behind

An explanation i need

For the first time ever

I see the cruelty of Greed!

Submitted: February 13, 2012

Poetry

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Comments

Brian W

A good poem with nice flow and rhyme..In the first stanza the lines seem to long compered to the rest of the poem.....Well written

Mon, February 13th, 2012 11:46pm

Author
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Thank again! I do know what you mean about the start seeming out of place, i tried reducing it down but couldn't make it work. Will revisit it at a later point in hope of an epiphany!

Mon, February 13th, 2012 4:00pm

Brian W

Maybe do this and then add two more lines????

From a ripple of change
Can a storm arise
Just one ray of hope
Makes me lose my mind

Never changing always there
My tender heartstrings begin to tear
??????
??????

But it is only my opinion and I am not qualified....Neverless a good poem

Tue, February 14th, 2012 12:09am

Author
Reply

Hmm, could break the first stanza into two and expand upon it rather than try and shrink it to match. Will have a think on it.
Looking at some of your poems, your opinion is appreciated, not being qualified doesn't necessarily cause you to be worse off!
Thanks again!

Mon, February 13th, 2012 4:14pm