My name is Monica S., and I am thirty-two years old. This book is my life - or rather, the more interesting aspects of it that I can remember - written on paper. I have now had this leather-bound book for twenty-one years, as well as the invisible-ink pen I am writing with now. The only way to read the words written with this ink is under a black light. Because very few people carry around black lights with them, the average person will see this to be nothing but a blank book, and I can rest assured that my words are safe.

Table of Contents

MUGD -- My Elementary School

This chapter has recently been revised

In this chapter, we meet Monica, Dan, and learn a little bit about the L.S.P.P. Read Chapter

INTRODUCTION (read before "My Elementary School")

My name is Monica S., and I am thirty-two years old. This book is my life - or the more interesting aspects of it that I can remember - w... Read Chapter

The Party

“You really had me worried,” I whined as we got on our bikes. “It was three minutes,” said Dan. “Not much can happen in thr... Read Chapter

The Triple Gs

The next thing I knew, Dan was in front of me, knocking the glass of punch out of my hands. I tried not to think of how he had gotten int... Read Chapter

Shopping Spree

Eric ran as fast as his legs would carry him - or perhaps faster. Dan looked at me, and I was so confused that I couldn’t even allo... Read Chapter

Cabot's School for the Talented and Bright

The next three weeks passed by almost unnoticed. Together, Dad and Dan managed to teach me how to tie my tie, and I was packed and ready ... Read Chapter

The Periodic Table of Elements

The next day, we met our teachers: Miss Macintosh taught Math. She liked order in her classroom, and I knew that I could, at least, i... Read Chapter

Confiscation Station

Then, I felt two hands pull me up. I half-thought, half-hoped I was hallucinating - or dreaming, even. I felt my feet practically draggin... Read Chapter

A Face with No Name

It turns out, I wasn’t dreaming, after all. Or so I guessed, because my CD and Dan’s portable CD player were missing, and I found a n... Read Chapter

Dukes Don't Do Detention

“Where’ve you been?” Lee demanded (he had just popped out of nowhere). “What do you mean?” I asked. “We have to endur... Read Chapter

Meet the Sooplexes

An orange minivan pulled up to the curb of the entrance to the school, early the next morning. “That’ll be my Mom,” said Lee. ... Read Chapter

And Things Will Never Be The Same

"What do you mean, you didn't make the team?" Lee asked. "Do you know what I'm going to do to that coach!?" His fists were clenched, and ... Read Chapter

Roseanne Ginger

"I can't believe you actually put up with that skirt for so long," Dan laughed at dinner that evening. "I mean, you just about did last y... Read Chapter

Bruce Sham

"So, have a good Christmas? Lee asked as I approached him for the first time in two weeks, Nick by his side. "Actually, I did," I rep... Read Chapter

Questionable Behavior

"He seems to favor you," said Nick, after Mr. Sham's class. Everyone seemed to like Mr. Sham... at least he didn't talk to himself. "... Read Chapter


"Come on," said the librarian. "Can't you guys even behave over Spring break?" The answer to that was no, but it sounded horrible to ... Read Chapter

The Girl No Longer

For the next five days, we studied and went to detention, which was fairly simple, as the librarian only had us filing paperwork. Tha... Read Chapter

Hesitant Parents

"Oh, yeah," I said. "There's a very logical explanation to that. I... I had detention throughout practically all of Spring break." My... Read Chapter

Back to Cabots

"Rise n' shine!" I opened my eyes, but didn't move. The bed in Uncle Samuel's guest bedroom was very comfortable, and this, I told my... Read Chapter


Next thing I heard (save for "GET OVER IT!" replaying a thousand times) was a familiar voice saying, "Knew she couldn't have been quite r... Read Chapter


Everything for the prank was prepared that night by Lee and Nick. I was to put on the final touches when I arrived in the classroom early... Read Chapter

Getting My Mind Off The Boss

Lee and Nick met up with me for Mr. Sankter’s class the following morning. “Remember,” I said, and yawned before I continued. ... Read Chapter

The Barrier

I would have liked nothing more than to relax over the weekend, or perhaps use the time to study. No such luck. The entire day was spent ... Read Chapter