We found love

“Do you want to speak, today?”

She looked up at him and smiled weakly. But the corners of her lips almost immediately returned to their place, she no longer had the strength to smile, even forced. She looked down, watched her hands becoming clammy because she tightened one against the other. The doctor leaned across, the rustling of his clothes sounded like an unbearable noise. She felt her heart pounding in her temples, which almost gave her migraine. She gritted her teeth, she could feel her mouth recreates saliva, too much saliva - she swallowed. She felt as if this simple noise of her tongue pushing against her throat, had taken incredible proportions. She bit her lip. She thought not to talk about what had happened would perhaps allow her to go back, if she did not accept his death, she could get him back. Once she would decide to say he was dead, she would finally kill him without any possibility of return.

“I know that it must be hard for you, but talk about it can help you to feel better, I can pro-…”

“You don’t know.”

She raised her head and looked at him with her darkest look. Her eyes were slightly shiny. Her jaw was tight again - she just let out the sentence as a sigh you just let go. How could he know? How could he even imagine what she herself could not conceive?

“You don’t know.”

She repeated the sentence articulating each word by stressing it as to make it penetrate him like a knife that you put slowly, precisely in the flesh of a fruit. The doctor sat up and leaned forward to her.

“May I ask you to explain it to me, then?”

She smiled. Explain?

He intently looked at her, she felt that it was probably her only chance to share her story, to relive the emotions she had lived and make them real for the last time. She looked into his blue eyes - on a color similar to the sea. She felt the tears came from deep inside herself to the corners of her eyes. She let them fill up until her vision became blurred. She closed her eyes - two tears ran on each cheek. She stayed in the dark, memories were easier to replace without interference from the outside world.

“It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear, you almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important, that without them, you feel like nothing.”

The sound of crashing waves on the rocks slowly took over her. She felt the spray deposited on the skin, then she ran her tongue over her lips where a slightly salty taste surprised her.

She opened her eyes, she was on a beach, and the sun blinded her. She took her sunglasses and put them on.

She looked around - the beach was deserted, it was definitely too cold, it was the middle of May. She felt two arms grab her waist and a chin rest on her right shoulder. She rested her cheek against his - she could recognize his smell anywhere.

"It’s beautiful, right?"

She nodded. She rested her cheek a little more against him - she missed his touch, the mild burning of his stubble against her soft skin. His heart beating became faster, as he was wrapping her in his arms. She suddenly turned her face so their lips brushed against each other. She could feel his breath on her face and then he stopped breathing. She slightly smiled and closed her eyes while his mouth touched hers. He wanted it to be a light kiss, but by the touch of her lips he could not stop his desire to be born in his heart like a fire fed by the love he had for her. She completely turned, a little more against him. His hands grabbed her face, he could feel the bones in her jaw move in harmony with hers, she put her arms around his neck, letting her fingers go in his hair still damp from the last bath he had taken.

Their tongues touched and turned without hesitation on which direction they should do, as if there was a single communication between them, a conversation that allowed them to complement each other. She had put on her toes, slightly sinking in the sand, to be at his height. The kiss seemed lasted for hours, yet when she loosened his grip she believed he had just began to embrace her. She smiled and rested her head against his chest - she could feel the sand rub against her cheek, while his heat invaded her. She put her arms around his torso, and he rested his chin on her hair, gently, as if he was afraid of hurting her. He ran his hand through her hair, long and soft, not yet whitened by time, slightly undulating in some areas, very straight to others. She closed her eyes.

“We’ve never slept together before that night, I wasn’t ready. It was my first time, and he was a gentleman.”

They left the curtains closed, even if outside, the sun was already down, they had observed its disappearance behind the ocean, one against the other, sitting on the sand. He kissed her again in the hotel’s elevator that led into their room, and she inwardly prayed that no one interrupts the machine to their floor. He pulled her toward him as she closed the bedroom’s door behind her. He could perceive her bare breasts under her white blouse. He took her chin in his hand, and stroked her luscious lips. She felt her heart quickened while his other hand came in her lower back at the boundary between the top of her shorts and her blouse. Her breathing became jerkier, and she raised her head to look at him straight in the eye. She slightly raised her heels, and in slow motion, her lips were placed on his. He left his first hand joining the other under her blouse. She could feel his fingers caressing her skin with a fluid and expert motion. She wondered how many other bodies he had stroked. Then she wondered if he had ever touched a woman as he did with her. She pulled away from his mouth and slid her hands down his shirt, there was no buttons, he helped to remove it completely, and she put her hands on his chest.

He passed his hands to the front of her shorts and unbuttoned it. He put his hands on her hips - he could feel the bones slightly prominent under the flesh. Then he pulled his hands at the same time as her. He removed her blouse, and her hair came to stand messy in front of her face. He dropped the clothes on the floor, and took the strands away one by one from her face. She grabbed his hand at the last bits, and kissed it. Then she accompanied him to her breast. She watched him touch it. She saw his hand go lower, then just arriving with his forefinger to her navel. She shivered. She kissed him again and his hand slipped into her shorts. He grabbed her hair as his fingers deeply penetrate her. She pulled away from him to catch her breath - he pressed her a little against him. He went to his face and whispered, "I want you."

They did not completely remove the sheets. She enjoyed every moment of his skin beneath her fingers, his muscles a little tighter with every move when naked against each other they almost dance in harmony. She remained lying on him a time after they both came, slowly stroking from his shoulder to his arm. She could feel his chest swell and come down every breath - she put her ear on him and listen to his heartbeat until it slowed down to stabilize in a half-sleep.

“The joy… I didn’t understand how much it’s important to enjoy the joy, when it is right here… next to you.”

She woke up alone in bed, trying to find her lover before she realized he was gone. She stood up, a cloth around her waist - a note had been placed near the table by the front door.

"Went to the store, I miss you already. Love."

She smiled and walked to the bathroom, she certainly had time to freshen up before he returns. She looked in the mirror - something had changed, unless it was her who changed. She let the sheet fall down and ran a bath. She carefully chooses the flavors she put in it, before plunging completely in the hot water.

“They called me one hour later, I… I didn’t see it was that late.”

She tried to stop the tears from flowing, but did not succeed. She bit her lip. The doctor handed her a handkerchief.

“Thanks.”

She wiped her eyes and gently folded the tissue in four before putting it on her knee. The Doctor narrowed his eyes, wondering if he should speak or let her continue.

“They said he just came out from a jewelry store… He bought a ring…”

The doctor shows her hand still on the handkerchief. A rock was on her ring finger.

“That ring?”

She sniffled and looked down at her hand. She smiled and nodded.

“The car just ran over him. He died on the spot.”

She looked up to the man. Her smile disappeared.

“You wanted to know how it feels like?...”

She took a deep breath.

“It’s like you’re screaming and no one can hear… It’s like someone just has taken your heart and you’re still alive, struggling to live despite everything. You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you. Because all it’s over, and it’s gone.”

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