I Must Walk Alone

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
A current feeling I think that will stick with me forever.

Submitted: December 06, 2009

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Submitted: December 06, 2009

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I do whatever I can to keep you off my mind, nothing has been a big help.  I go for drives where every song I hear makes me think of you, see you, and want to be with you.  I said everything with love, care, and honesty.  Now it seems like it was just lies to you.  I had to let you go baby, a choice that was not of mine.  The situation was unfair, unjust, and heartbreaking.  The cost has become too much for me to bear, and I feel you hate me for it.  All I want to know is what you are feeling, thinking, and that you know that I still, and forever will love you.  I never want to be someone's pain, especially yours. You are always on my mind; you never seem to go away. I see your pain, your heart break, and I hear you cry because of me. I force myself to swallow food that is tasteless to me so I won’t wither away. I lay in my bed not wanting to close my eyes because all I will see is you…something I can’t have. Will you come find me again in time? Will your heart ever forgive me? Do you hate me so much that you never want to hear my voice again? I am sorry Angel, this is just what I have to do for now. This is a burden that swallows me and I hate myself for. I don’t go out and I have no one that will ever fully understand the love I have for you. For a short while I believed that love was made for everyone…but again it is just a lie. Love is a lie to me and forever will be. Each day goes by slowly because all I think about is you, sitting there knowing you will not be hearing from me anytime soon. It makes me sick, makes me want to puke and hurt myself. It makes me stand under the scolding hot water in the shower that makes my skin red…I deserve it. I deserve it because I had to leave you. I wonder if I died that you would not care. I wonder if you will simply forget me and I am left still thinking of you late at night. I cry myself to sleep, wishing you were wrapped in my arms safe and sound. I hope in time you come look for me again because I will be waiting Angel. I wish you only the best no matter where this life takes us. I hope with each step you take you find what you are seeking within this life. If I am not the love of your life, I hope some other guy gives you the endless love and care that you deserve. No matter what, no one can ever take your love from me. If I become your future or just your bitter past, my love for you will forever stay strong. If I never see you again, then this is the one pain I will take to my grave.


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