HAIR (with Wane Rudey)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Wayne Rooney's Hair...humour

Submitted: December 14, 2014

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Submitted: December 14, 2014



This is the story that is transfixing the Nation’s attention at this moment. It is a tale of sadness, humility, stupidity.
Its conclusion :  The creation of a perfect role model for children : That is, children who want hair styles made from re-rooted follicles taken from the entrance of their body’s waste tube.
This is the story of Wane Rudey.  A bit part player at Manglechester Unsighted Football Club. His whole life was a charade. Living on past glories, he ran amok. He kicked the other team’s players for no reason. He swore at referees. He dived and he cheated. He helped old ladies, who were prostitutes, across the road…In short, he was a bit of a horrible person. A bit of a horrible person going nowhere.
Then a sudden transformation. Inspired by the Restricted Dumb Prancing ex host, Bruised Foresight, Wane decided to take decisive action.
He started to think….Hair.
He decided to extract the small, curly, pubic-type hairs from his anal passage and transplant them on his head.
The hair would have to be washed thoroughly and ironed straight. Difficult but not impossible. He would then have to collect the hair together using the personal protection of disposable latex gloves.
Next he would use a/some needle/s to puncture thousands of little holes in his prematurely balding head. The gathered hair would then be placed on to the head which had been previously been adorned with ceramic tile adhesive (runny mix)
The change was remarkable. He still kicked people for no reason, swore at referees, dived and cheated, but now he had bum hair on his head which took everyone’s mind of his atrocious character.
©Garry Croft Oct. 2014

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