It's the humorous tale of how I tried to help a friend with a phobia, but ended up getting tricked in the end.

Upon a time, there once was a chick,

Who was deathly afraid of riding the stick.

She felt it was a regrettable fault,

But could not will herself to fancy a vault.


So on one day, I came to see,

Her begging, “Oh sweet Mike, put it in me!”

“I have a phobia I very much detest,

So put it inside and give it your best!”


Though she was a cutie, and she was in pain,

Our friendship would be what sex hath slain.

But try as I may, and try as I might,

She still wanted me in bed by the end of the night.


“A true friend would tend to my sorrow,

And it's only one limb that I wish to borrow.”

With tears in her eyes, and her head hung low,

She had turned away from me, ready to go.


“Wait,” I said, and asked her to stay,

Against my wishes, in bed we would lay,

Soon the time came, for the deed to be done,

I'd be fighting a battle that could not be won.


Lying on her back, she wore a mask of calm,

But fear had collected in her like the sweat in my palm.

“Don't worry too much,” I said, “ Try to be easy,”

“I'm nervous as well, and alittle bit queasy.”


A switch had been flipped, a change in her stance,

Her plan had begun, I had naught a chance.

With a snap of her fingers while licking her lips,

She unbuckled my belt and tugged at my hips.


She was ontop, I could not protest,

Torrents of force, she gave me no rest.

Seconds became minutes, and minutes onto hours,

Sweat filled the air, and tasted quite sour.


Mentally spent, and physically drained,

Every movement I made left me in pain.

As I turned to her, expecting regret,

she sat there smiling, puffing a cigarette.


“What the **** was that? Where came that vigor?!”

“Was it too much? How do you figure?”

“Don't give me that crap!” I yelled, “Were you pretending to be timid?”

“Calm down,” she cooed, “Don't be so livid.”


“Your feelings I meant not to hurt, I wanted only to play,

There is no need to fight, so start naught a fray.

A caring heart you have, while timid as a sheep,

It was your innocent soul that I wanted to keep.”


“But why all the tricks,” I asked, “Why act so corny?”

“Simply put,” she was ashamed to say, “I was just really horny.”

Submitted: October 16, 2009

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Add Your Comments:


Alessandra Fireheart

Haha that made quite a funny poem. It made me laugh a little, and I loved how innocent it almost sounds with the rhyming. Great. The flow was perfect and not once did it stop. I really enjoyed reading this poem.

Fri, October 16th, 2009 10:02pm


It's actually a true story as well, believe it or not.

Sun, October 18th, 2009 5:22am

Mistress of Word Play

So incredibly funny. This is super-duper. Laughed and giggled the whole time I read it.
Thanks for the fun!

Wed, October 21st, 2009 7:57pm


Lol, i loved this.

Sat, October 24th, 2009 11:44pm

Fairy of Light

Haha, I blushed the first time I read it and still couldn't help giggling this time. Very good. :P

Sat, October 31st, 2009 6:01pm

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