Friday was Janie and I’s movie night which meant Mr. Poppers Penguin's since the both of us and Lanaya wanted to see it. Lanaya is Janie's little sister, meanwhile my little brother Jack tagged
along as to not stay all alone in that house with Dad and Tanya. It's weird though, you'd swear they were totally best friends, Lanaya and Jack. They acted pretty caring with each other though
thankfully, but honestly I think my brother had a soft spot for Lanaya. Although it tended to be a trend with our family that we get along so who knows anymore.
We laughed hysterically as Mr. Popper finally went to save the penguins from the zoo (Weird, I know right.). After the credits rolled, the little ones looked a little tired and so we just
ended up heading towards the car. Just as I was about to pull out, some idiot in a black mustang GT zoomed by the front of my car almost taking my front bumper with him. One thing Camden has
plenty of, bad drivers. We'd arrived to the house my Dad and Janie's mom shared even though it seems like I'm being a prude about this it's all just the truth. I mean I haven’t met a kid alive
who's not even a little mad about their parents getting a divorce. Yet it being because of the parent of their best friend makes it all that much weirder.
Janie and I slept in the same room as to keep our younger siblings a little more comfortable.
It’s sad when they really expect us to act like this is normal. We didn/t ask for any of this to happen, they did. I'd think as I walked to the room. Everyone else was still in the
kitchen making a snack before bed. A bowl of buffalo wings in hand, I sat on the bed and checked my text messages. We have two break-ups and a cheat check tomorrow. I had written them down in the
book as to keep a record of the cheaters, just in case we know if they've been handled by us before.
"So Janie how was the movie?" Tanya asked, smiling.
"Funny." She said dryly.
"Did you enjoy the movie Jack?" Our dad asked to break the awkward silence as we went into the kitchen.
"Yeah it was good, dad." He said nonchalantly. We all went to the kitchen after that tension filled chat.
"How many tomorrow?" Janie asked as she walked into our room towards our DVD collection.
"Two break-ups and a cheating case." I replied smiling as I put the book away
"Dang that's shitty. Thankfully at least it’s not last week, I mean it’s like everyone decided to break-up and cheat all on one weekend. Four cheaters and five break-ups." She stated while
popping in the DVD in the player that she decided on.
"That’s because the cheaters doubled over into break-ups. You know that’s how it always happens." I said not surprised at all.
I looked down when I reached for another buffalo wing and saw Janie's hand grab two from my bowl. I looked at her as though she stole my bestfriend with a glare. I mean seriously they where
boneless wings. We all know food is man’s bestfriend right after our favorite animals. She gave me a mischievous smile, so I hit her in the forehead. What can I say, I was the violent one while
she was the sneaky one.
"So what movie did you pick?" I asked knowing she picked some sappy love story. I swear she hated the real thing but loved the movies.
"Bedazzled." She said happily. I laughed at her choice considering it's one of the only movies where the guy doesn’t end up with the girl he wants or the one that's trying to help him.
"Seriously Tara, it’s a good movie and you know it so shut up." She said hitting my forehead in the same manner when I hit hers.
"J, I'm just surprised it wasn’t The Notebook."
"Well, I don’t think I could go through the trauma of seeing that sweet old couple die all over again."
"You already know how I feel about that movie, the same way I'd feel about Titanic that if they knew when all that terrible stuff was going to happen that they probably would avoid the situation
all together." I said proudly. It made plenty of logical sense that way.
"Janie, stop mocking me." She said, imitating me, knowing those would be the next words to come out of my mouth.
"T, one of these days I swear we are going to write books about the stuff we've experienced." She said right before I drifted off to sleep, when the devil herself appeared on her poor
When I'd woken up, it was to the theme song of Speed Racer. My brother was going to end up needing a hearing aide before he turned twenty. I ran to turn off his television when I saw Dad
and Tanya on the couch cuddled up together. Even now it's still weird to see that though they almost looked cute.
My cellphone rang and I ran to my room to answer as to not wake the people who have their own room, but I swear just like being all gushy in public. Weirdly enough it stopped after two
seconds of the song by Katy Perry T.G.I.F. which was an awesome song on any day. I'd looked at the caller ID only to not recognize the number so I just left it as it was.
"Janie, get up. I have the Speed Racer song stuck in my head." I whined as she shot up from me yelling as though she were a dazed zombie reawakening for the first time. To think she was the
terrible four year old who decided opening a door with a steak knife was smart. She literally cut off my left finger but the doctors reattached it not long after.
"Tara, take your cheerful Speed Racer self back to bed."
"Well fine then." I said walking over to the door. Then at the last second I ran and jumped on her legs.
"Go back to sleep so I can also." She said punching me in the stomach.
"Fine you evil thing."
"But I don’t know maybe we did do this a bit early." I heard Tonya saying almost sounding like she regretted saying it as the words came out.
"Shhhh." She said, beating me to the door opening it slightly. When Speed Racer was stuck in my head she better be there to sing Lady Gaga with me next time.
"Tonya, don’t think that being with you hasn’t been the highlight of my life." He said pulling her in for a hug but she stopped him halfway with her arms on top of his.
"Joe, neither of our kids likes this. I mean on a good day they may talk to us twice maybe three times."
For that I will say we were very cold but it’s absolutely necessary to let them know exactly how we feel right now. We feel that even though it has been six months since the divorce that
doesn’t mean we are over it. Who knows maybe one day they'll realize how weird this is for us. I mean seriously sorry I can’t get over the fact that the whole thing is their fault.
Man, come on it's my dad and my best friend’s mom. I closed the door as the lovey doveyness that goes on between those two was happening.
"I can’t believe they think that this is just going to get blown over or something." Janie said confused.
"J, I think it's time we go home. I don’t think I can handle all this 'love'." She said, actually doing the air quotes. We heard another door close and ours opened to find Lanaya walking
toward the kitchen wiping her sleepy eyes. Her eyes widened as she walked in to see Tonya and my dad making out in the middle of the kitchen.
"Hey mom if you don’t mind I just want cereal." She said smirking at the red faced parents.
"Hey sweetie, are you sure? We made you guys pancakes and eggs." Tonya said trying to bribe her child.
"Sorry I just wanted cereal. Next time you should tell us when you guys make breakfast. You've never done it before." She said laughing as she walked to get her cereal. When she was done
she would just looked at the both of them and shook her head. Both parents looked so guilty.
I closed the door at that point and laughed. This really was sad. My dad was a lawyer though he always knew what to say especially in arguments. It's funny that he couldn’t even try to talk
himself out of that. I decided at that point it was time to go break-up with Emily's soon to be ex-boyfriend. I grabbed my clothes and had just plugged up my flat iron.
"Do we have to go now?" Janie said pleadingly almost, she hated breaking up the, what she dubbed, the cute couples.
"Just get ready it's almost twelve." I'd said teasingly.
"Fine but you’re driving." She said plugging up her curling iron and putting on her clothes. It’s weird that some things we totally agreed on and others we’re both different like day and
night. We pulled up to the Flamingo Motel where Jason worked at.
"Hold on Speedy Gonzalez." Janie said puffing up her already curly hair and flipping it in different places. She reapplied her lip gloss. She cared a little too much about her appearance.
As for me, I’m fine with a hoodie and jeans which of course had to all get thrown in the washer so I was stuck with Khaki shorts and a yellow Abercrombie shirt on. She had a floral skirt with a
green tank and a pink vest which matched with the skirt perfectly.
Janie finally was done primping herself and I had jumped out of the car, she was still inside the car and had barely just opened the door.
"Stop being such a priss Janie." I said mockingly.
"Stop being such a butt." She said in an annoyed voice.
"You are such a genie in a bottle."
"Come, come and let me out."She said laughing.
We walked into the motel front office to ask where Jason was. The clerk eyed us and pointed at the room directly across from the office. Janie smiled and thanked him. We headed off into
"Hey." Jason said, smiling sweetly at us and waving as we walked up to him.
"Jason, can we talk to you for a second? We are friends of Emily's."
"Sure follow me." He said walking around the corner.
Fishy, considering he was supposed to be working here. He didn’t have a cleaning cart. Just as I was about to turn the corner I caught a glimpse of a petite curly red head. Leave it to a
guy to cheat on his girlfriend the day he was getting dumped by her.
"Well what's up?" He said leaning against the wall.
"Do you work every Saturday?" I asked him just as Janie gave me a warning look.
"Yeah and Thursdays also."
"Well do you always clean without a cart?"
"Ummmm.. Well I just left it in that room."
"You mean the one that Alyson Channing just walked out of, that was a real work-out wasn’t it? So much in fact that you forgot to zip your zipper." I said looking at him as though he were
the insect on display that he looked like.
"Oh yeah Jason, Emily is breaking up with you." I yelled walking back to the car with Janie right on the side of me.
"How'd you know all that?” She said utterly shocked.
"Psychic powers and most people that work in hotels are like eighteen and up, not sixteen. Plus I saw Alyson walk out of the same room he did." I said smiling to myself as I started my blue
I decided next which was actually going to be funny because Alyson was our next client judging by this text message. She asked us to check on her boyfriend. I texted her, asking what his
name was and any information she would like to give out. Of course this I read aloud to Janie as I read it.
"He plays golf at the country club down the street from the flamingo motel around 1:30-ish every Saturday. His name is Jason Jones." I couldn’t stop laughing as I pulled off to go talk to
Alyson at the coffee shop she was at, the one across the street from here.
"Hey guys." She said giving us friendly smiles.
"Yeah he was."
"He was cheating on you." I said rather bluntly. Sympathy and empathy was definitely not any strong points in my book that was all Janie.
"He's been cheating on you. We know because his ex-girlfriend just asked us to break up with him sweetie." Janie said patting her back; she always had that maternal instinct to take care of
people. Meanwhile I was always the one that just didn’t give a damn about everything a long time ago.
"With who, how, when?"
"He has been dating Emily the cheerleader. Don’t be pissed she didn’t know either but we told her that he was cheating. She said that’s why she was breaking up with him." Janie said using
her mother voice as I always called it.
"That asshole." She ripped off the necklace she had on.
"Well we could do a free break-up if you want." I added as she put her head on the table.
"You really would? Thanks so much." She handed me fifty bucks. I almost didn’t want to take the money looking at her red eyes yet honestly it is better the girls hear it from us than to
never know at all. I know if it was I'd want somebody to tell me.
"Oh yeah Tara?" she spoke as we started to walk back to the bug.
"Yeah?" I turned around to look at her.
"Make him suffer." She sniffed a little.
"You got it." I shot her a smile.
After that we went to my house it was time to call in some favors.
"Jason I have a message for you." He’ll never see it coming till I pointed in the air. It's a good thing my mom was good friends with the woman that owned the club. Then one of my brother's
best friend’s older brother was a pilot. The banner read 'Thanks for nothing Jason Jones you cheater-from Emily and Alyson to Jason Jones'.
"Tara, this officially tops the teacher break-up definitely." Janie gushed. We were walking back to the car when we saw Jason getting into his truck. Honestly it made me laugh inside to
know he got exactly what he deserved.
"Janie, I just don’t get it even when they get caught chances are they will definitely end up doing it all over again. I mean, dang if you don’t lie her anymore why not just tell her, why
are guys too chickened to tell girls the truth." I said genuinely confused on how guys are idiots at times. I guess it really doesn’t matter women can be the same way. Some of us know how not to
"I don’t think there is an answer for that unless you want to go around and ask some of our client’s ex-boyfriends." She said raising her left eyebrow as we pulled up to my
"Stop thinking that, evil one." I said walking up to the house. It was always hard to get her out of that diabolical state of hers.
"Come on now you would just love that and you know it." She smirked as we walked into my house.
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