A Wonderful World

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Fictional Romance Fantasy

A humorous fictional account of my daughter’s wedding day.

Submitted: October 22, 2017

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Submitted: October 22, 2017



There I was standing next to my deranged daughter dressed in cream, looking beautiful and at her best, greeting her guests as they were arriving for her wedding. Deranged because she’s allowed her husband’s family to invite Uncle Bob, the jazz-mad saxophonist, to the ceremony. That tops the lunacy scale at ten as I knew that attached to him, like Siamese twins, like the egg on his only jumper, would be Brad and Bindley. No, they are not a building society from Bradford but a double bass and drummer of a group called Bob and the Dazzlers, who for a couple of free drinks and a bacon roll will be performing until midnight.

Creating an atmosphere of crass was one description of the many rude noises heard during the wedding ceremony emanating from Bob’s brass instrument, giving the bridesmaid red cheeks, causing Grandfather to be taken out and the page boy to have a slap across his head. One loud pluck sound from the double bass during the family photograph on the lawn made all the large aunties check their underwear. I had been warned by a friend, a policeman, that my new gained family were good at making speeches, known for their humour and jokes by judges near and far. So I performed a poem on our family history based around my daughter and me and how it all began, the old story of a bird and the bee. As soon as I mentioned the bee Bindley buzzed and everyone started buzzing to his metallic scratching on his drums; “buzz, buzz” they sang “buzz like a bee, buzz as much as you like but don’t sting me”. Order was restored when the groom stood up, Bindley hit the cymbal hard and the groom's Mother jumped and started hiccupping.

The meal past quietly except for the incident when the chief bridesmaid tried to eat the best man’s pink balls. Bath balls that she assumed were candy which nearly broke her teeth and for the rest of the night had bubbles emerging from the side of her mouth every time she had a drink. Pints were pumped by a nearly bare-chested wench from Bristol, according to Bob, who stood on the top rung of the stool watching her every move. Brad reckoned her accent put her more into the Basingstoke area, as she sounded the same as a WRAC he once met there during the war. I stood waiting my turn for a drink trying to ignore the bouncing pink flesh knowing the hiccupping woman was approaching with my wife in tow.

Bindley sat behind his drums. He was testing his reach to the row of five froth topped pint glasses tantalisingly balanced on a board to the left of the big drum. He licked his moustache and curled it like a colonel before grabbing the mike and in a very high pitched voice said: “are you two coming to play with me tonight or shall I play with myself.”  The piped bar music was switched off to the boos from four plump little girls in the middle of the floor performing the YMCA routine to a little boy laying on his back picking his nose. Most of the lights then faded with new spotlights coming on shining greens, blues and reds on a motionless ‘Bob and the Dazzlers’. “Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen we are your entertainment for tonight. Is there a Teresa with us? Yes! Well, this is for you my love.” They started playing with Bindley singing in his naturally deep voice the words “I see Ter … rees ..a green, skies of blue, a bright sunny day, with me and you and I think to myself, what a wonderful world”.

Drinks flowed from the hands of the big-busted girl from Bristol who had turned from pink to red. I danced with the hiccupping woman enjoying the deep crusty, sometimes mellow, softly balanced sounds coming from the well-oiled band. Accepting my new son-in-law and his street-wise relatives I turned to my daughter and wished her a happy life. She leaned over and gave me a big hug and we both agreed that the day had gone well especially with the added sounds of “Wob and the Fazzlers” ch! “Bob and the Fizzlers” ch! “The Band”.

© Copyright 2019 Germanica Jones. All rights reserved.

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