\"Hey.\" The usual response when I walk in the door. I travel 20 kilometers to see him, take a train and a bus in the process and that's what I get when he sees me. I smile, but inside I'm on fire. God I've missed him! I want to fling my hands around his neck and kiss him till he can't breath. I want him to be happy when I arrive, not annoyed, not agitated; I love him with all my heart, but sometimes I'm not so sure if cares for me at all. This thought makes me sad so I try not to dwell on it. \"What are you doing?\" I say, seating myself on his bed, trying really hard to stop myself from running my hands through his blond dreadlocks. He's sitting on his desk chair, one hand on the mouse, the other placed lightly over the keyboard, eyes glued to the screen. I will never understand how boys can play games for 6 hours straight. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. \"Just school and stuff.\" He shrugs a shoulder and doesn't look at me. Half an hour later he turns his monitor off and sits down next me. Im drowsy and bored. I tell him so. \"Sorry Jessi, I just wanted to finish the round...Lukas has been bugging me about it all day.\" He smiles, and his green eyes sparkle. Oh, Simon. \"It's my fault, I'm annoying. I come here almost everyday and I guess you need your boy time.\" I laugh and for some reason I can't seem to stop. The situation is just so grade school that I can't help it. \"I love your laugh.\" I stop, knowing that my laugh is quite annoying. \"Don't make fun of me.\" I pout. It's his turn to laugh and I whack him on the head. This is how it should be. Us, just goofing off, No care in the world. But I know it will never be like this again. Once I tell him, he'll hate me. The tears I've been trying to hold back run hot and heavy down my cheeks, and my thoughts go wild. I close my eyes and count to 10, willing it to stop. \"Jessi?\" He whispers, running the pad of his thumb along my cheek. \"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.\" He cups my face in his hand, but after a second I pull back, ashamed of what id done. I didn't deserve his touch. \"Simon.\" I say. My body is shaking and my tears wont stop running. What have I done? I love him. I do with all my heart. Then why did you cheat on him? That little voice inside my head demands. I cringe. Why indeed. \"Simon I...I slept with Markus.\" My voice is barely audible,and I lower my head in shame. He drops his hand from my cheek and I look up. His cheeks had turned red and his eyes were blazing with anger. I looked at me, at first I doubt he saw me, unshed tears were blinding his sight. I blinked, hating myself, hating my choices. His hand returned to my cheek and I stared at him, not understanding. \"Jessi.\" He said the world like a prayer. \"Simon I-\" I wanted to say I'm sorry, but slanted his lips hard over mine and the words died in my throat.
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