Dream Remories

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Ardith and Michelle thought they were in love... But, if love is magic and magic is an illusion... Isn't love an illusion?

Submitted: July 10, 2008

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Submitted: July 10, 2008

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Even as I thought, “This is wrong.” I knew it was too late. This is not a story of true love, even though at one point both of us probably thought it was. This is a story of two best friends, who were young and foolish.
We tricked each other. It started with a kiss, like almost all romantic relationships. But for both of us to actually be dragged into believing we were, for even a moment, old enough and mature enough to love each other.
I’m not saying you’re too young to love at a certain age. I merely state that we, as two youthful individuals, were impulsive and immature.
It might or might not have been love. All I know is that I’ll never forget Michelle. Even now, as I whisper her name while writing this, I feel a deep misery.
I made us both unhappy in the end. If I were to blame someone, I’d blame myself. Even though I should have blamed her, as is the normal human reaction, I can’t. I can’t begin to blame how beautiful she was as we lay together. I can’t blame the way she looked when she smiled… I can’t do anything. I blame myself because I initiated our relationship. I was the one who tried to hide what we were. Partners, lovers, lesbians, whatever you want to call us.
I remember the first day. The day we met. Her dark auburn, curly mane of hair. Her sparkling hazel eyes. Even though she was not a classical beauty, for she was heavy, like me. But to me she was wondrous.
As Edward said to Bella in “New Moon” “My life without you was like a starry night, still dark. But there were the stars, points of reason. And then you flew across my sky, like a meteor. And I was blinded.”
Or he said something along those lines. I don’t really remember, and I don’t feel like getting the book out.
She was shy when Jasmine introduced us. And after our introduction, we became close fast. We might have been in 8th grade. But we had both been the butts of jokes. So we relied on empathy.
But allow me to start at the beginning. I will start in the next chapter, of course, but for now, I’m giving you a background. And before you become disgusted, I will warn you that we were young, and had no one, and that, yes, we are both female.

My name is Ardith, and this is my story.

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Sitting in English, I had always been a wonderful writer and reader. But since we had a substitute teacher, and I was first in the room, I was bored. The whole day had been exhausting. Not to mention dull.
“Ardith?” Jasmine’s voice awoke me from my reverie. I sighed, I loved Jasmine, dearly, not queerly, but sometimes she could be a drag. But, she had always been kind and loyal, so I cared for her. I looked up, “Hey, Jazz.” She smiled then motioned to someone behind, “I’d like to show you the new girl.” I nodded; I’d already heard the gossip about a new kid. From what I knew, she was called Michelle, and the boys were already teasing her and being rude. So, in a sense, I dreaded meeting her because I figured it would downgrade my already non-existent social status. Yet, I also felt a certain like for her already, since I was not considered “Hot” either.
“Ardith, Michelle; Michelle, Ardith.” Jasmine introduced us quickly, then said, “Oh, damn. Brad’s here. I’ve gotta go. Bye! Be nice, Ardith.”
Finally, I looked away from Jasmine’s retreating back, only to gape at what was standing before me. She wasn’t ugly at all compared to me. She had deep, green-hazel eyes. Her dark auburn hair fell in fluffy coils down to her ribcage. She was thick around the middle, thicker than me, not that it mattered.
As I looked her up and down, so she scrutinized me. I must have looked so ragged, in my “I have issues…” shirt, my too-long jeans, and with my untamed mane of mousy, hip-length hair. My boobs were too big for even my waist. And my gray-green eyes locked with hers.
“Hi.” She breathed, knocking me from my thoughts. I twitched slightly, “Uh, hello. You’re Michelle, right?” She chuckled, “I think Jasmine said that already.” I blushed slightly, “Oh, yeah… So, wanna be my partner? I would ask Jasmine, but she’s too busy giving Brad the goo-goo eyes…”
She giggled now, “Sure. I don’t know anything about this though.” I smiled, accidentally giving away my dimples, which caused her to gasp, “Ohhh! You’ve got such adorable dimples.”
My face turned hot again. I hated cutesy comments. They ruined every seventh grader’s wanna-be badass image. And I was no different.
We began our Power Point presentation. It was over “The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle.” We laughed quietly, chatting idly about each other. I handed her a copy of the book from a nearby shelf, and the smile I got in return took my breath. I couldn’t comprehend this strange feeling I got when she smiled. Maybe because it reached her eyes, maybe because her teeth were perfect.
Up until then, I had only crushed on guys. Though, I didn’t know I was crushing on her right now. It felt… Similar, but I didn’t think anything of it. I sighed when she diverted her attention from me to read the book. And as she ignored me, my sparkling mood dimmed.
We sat in silence. Me working on slides’ pictures, music and animations for the presentation, while she read, eyes skimming across the page.
Every once in a while, I’d sneak a glance to my right, to her. Only, at third glance, I met her eyes instead of her profile. I blushed, again, quickly turning away. The schoolbell tolled dully, and I saved our project. I expected her to pack up and leave. Yet, instead she slid a piece of paper to me. A piece of paper with her name, and 10 digits. Her phone number.
I stared stupidly up at her as she stood. I knew I looked incompetent, but she smiled and said, “I hope we become friends.” She was blushing through her acne, which I hadn’t noticed, nor did I mind it. I loved looking at flawed people; it made them seem more human. And it brought out more beautiful features, I nodded, “Me, too.” She ducked her head, “Bye, Ardith.” “Goodbye… Michelle.” Little did I know that almost a year later; I’d be saying that with hateful finality.
She left then. And I instantly missed her. I grabbed my things and wandered to my next class in a field of dreams. I ignored my “friends” for the most part. They were all too busy being boy-crazed little whores to notice my silence.
Finally, school was over. And I waited secretly behind the school with someone else. He and I were not really friends; he just owed me some favors. I will not give his name. Nor will I give him an alias like everyone else in this story. He and I were young, but we already enjoyed smoking, pot or cigarettes, it didn’t matter to us.
“Take your belt off.” He ordered, pulling a sealed jar and two syringes from his bag.And I realized he had brought heroin. This was our first time doing such a hard drug together. He dipped one syringe into the liquid, and filled it, handing it off to me. Then, he took his own and did the same.
He always supplied our drugs. And I never asked questions. I just knew he was wealthy, and that’s why he supplied them, along with the fact that he owed me big time.
I tied my studded belt around my bicep, pulling it tight. It formed a nice tourniquet. And I watched my radial artery pop up. With a soft hiss, he injected himself at the same time I did. I don’t remember who made the noise, me or him, but one of us did gasp.
Together, we injected our bloodstream with sweet, sweet venom. And then, as the high came on, we walked in separate directions after disposing of the waste.
The first night was the worst. The heroin nauseated me due to its potency. Sitting on the bathroom floor, before the porcelain god called a toilet, I groaned. I knew it was stupid not to measure the venomous liquid, but it was too late. How stupid I was!!
I sobbed as I began to heave. My body convulsing as I gagged up nothing at all. My backpopped, I was gagging and dry-heaving so hard, but I couldn’t seem to bring anything up.
Black spots appeared in my vision. I moaned, one broken, ragged sound, and the blackness consumed me.
That was the first time I dreamed. I was running. Arm extended to someone I could barely see. As I finally got to that person, and she turned, I realized it was her. But she was not smiling. She shrieked, “Ardith, how could you? You stupid bitch! I hate you…” And then she began to cry, pushing me away when i tried to embrace her. Then with a shriek, she slapped me.

My eyes snapped open, and I vomited bile onto the tile. I sobbed, broken. And proceeded to my room. Only to fall into bed and have morenightmares. The night wore on.

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So, here I sit, pouring my heart from four years past out for everyone to see. It’s amazing how little I remember. She was my meteor blazing across my starry night. So she blinded my eyes amazingly, and all I saw was she. I loved her from the moment I saw her, not like those sappy romance novels, just as a person loves the beauty they see in another.Michelle… She was the only person… The onlyone. I might have not just loved her. I don’t know if I was in love or what the hell was going on in my mind. But, as seventh grade ended, and summer began… So the nightmares came. Always the same one, the one where she hated me… It was a prophetic dream… For in eleven months’ time, she would hate me as she did every night in my dreams.
I’m listening to a song as I type this. I’ll put the lyrics in Italics as I go on in this chapter. The song’s on repeat. I normally like more wild, hardcore music than this. But it suits the way I feel as I remember.
In the brightest hour…
Of my darkest day…
I was glum the day I met her, and now, I will glum forever, and I will be alone. I found and lost love. But now I know that the sayings are true… Those about, “It’s better to have known love and lost it than to never know love at all.”
I realized…
What is wrong with me…
Can’t get over you…
Can’t get through to you...
You know… It’s funny how one minute a person can be in your arms, moaning and sighing as you ravish them completely. Then, one little incident changes the way the react to you. And somewhere in your subconscious, you know that every kiss and touch was a little white lie.
It’s been a helter-skelter romance from the start…
Take these memories…
That are haunting me…
Of a paper man cut into shreds…
By his own pair of scissors, he’ll never forgive her; he’ll never forgive her…
Listening to this makes me feel nostalgic. It’s quite pathetic really. I believed in her, but that kind of ended as we began to grow up more. She became the light to my darkness, as clichas that sounds. But it is true. She got into light-hearted films, like: “The Nightmare Before Christmas” and other happy endings. While I watched Rob Zombie films and grinned as I watched people be slaughtered. But the only reason i grinned, is because she would curl into my sideand wince and jump. I loved her… And, in a sick, non-stalkerish way, I always will. What a masochist I am…
Because dreams…
Come and go…
But my feelings for you are forever…
Because dreams…
Come and go…
But my feelings for you are forever…
Sitting by the fire, on a lonely night…
Hanging over from another good time…
With another girl, Little dirty girl…
You should listen to this story of my life…
You’re my heroin…
In this moment I’m lonely,
Fulfilling my darkest dreams…
All these drugs, all these women..
I’m never forgiving…
This broken heart of mine…
Because dreams..
Come and go…
But my feelings for you are forever…
Because dreams..
Come and go…
But my feelings for you are forever…
One last kiss…
Before I go…
Dry your tears…
It is time, to let you go…
One last kiss… (One last kiss…)
Before I go… (Before I go…)
Dry your tears… (Dry your tears...)
It is time, to let you go…

Is not the interpretation of a love song amazing? I mean, we all take them a different way… And I take this one as a song of leaving someone for someone... Which is what I should’ve done for Michelle. But I was so, so selfish. I thought only of what I wanted… And what I wanted 2was for her to remain beside me… Forever… Which that is also the title of the song… It’s ironically by a band she used to like, Papa Roach. And now she listens to that ungodly noise they like to call rap and r&b… No offense to those who like it… I just can’t seem to comprehend it as well as metal and alternative. And I know she listens to it because she found me on myspace a few months ago… She reached out to me, saying I had been a good friend… A “friend” is not what I was considered four years ago. Heh.. Amazing how that works, huh? And she also said that everyone hated her now… Because she was a “Slut” Which, at one point I would agree… But knowing the guy she dated after leaving me, she wasn’t… He was the player type… And he whored her out to his friends, taking advantage of the fact that she had only known one lover. One lover, who had treated her with respect and compassion… He didn’t, he passed her around like an item in a99cent store, filthy and cheap. And she’s still dating him on and off… Which saddens me even more. The Michelle I loved would have never taken shit like that… But, let me continue with the story in the next chapter… Goodbye for now, my friend…

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I sat at the lunch table; my foot drumming to the music in my head.I sighed; I was antsy for no reason.My head spun as she entered. Michelle. I gaped yet again at her beauty. She, in turn, gave me a beatific smile. And my heart pounded ever faster, I waved her over quickly, sure I looked every part the fool I was. It had been a month since we had met.
Cassius sat beside me. And as she approached, I heard him say, “You love her, don’t you, Ardith?”
My face flamed, and I dropped the hand I had been waving. MY being bisexual was no secret to Cassius, he himself was gay. But for him to say that so bluntly was terrifying, especially since a table of preppy, Britney Spears wannabes sat nearby us, “How?” he smirked, “You’re so obvious, honey, it’s pathetic.”
I blushed again, “And how is that?” He grinned again and jerked his head at her as she came closer, “You adore her, and it’s obvious. Every move she makes, you gravitate to a new position near her. Every time she smiles at you, you blush and look down, biting your lip.” He chuckled, “Face it, Ardith, you love her.”
I shoved him, “Shut up! It’s not your business!” He smirked and shoved back, “Ardith and Michelle, sitting in a tree…” I punched him before he could get the rest out. He snorted, “You hit like a girl.”
I snapped, “I am a girl, dumbass!” He grinned evilly, “Technically, no, because you like Michelle.” I snarled a curse, and slapped him with my social studies folder. He chortled and shut up as Michelle arrived with her tray of cafeteria slop.
Cassius and I both shuddered and chimed, “How can you eat that?” She blushed and giggled, sitting on my other side, “Food is food.”Cassius snorted, “And gays are gays, right Ardith?” I turned to him and used a word that evidently Michelle had never heard. She looked at me in shock, her forest hazel eyes widened in innocence, “Ardith? Is that even a curse?”
Cassius and I looked at each other, and, simultaneously, we burst into laughter. She looked hurt at first, so I hugged her, hard, whispering, “Yes, Michelle, cunt is a bad word. And if you ever say it, make sure they deserve it.”
She embraced me for a second longer, before I looked at Cassius. The knowing look in his eyes made me unsure whether to shit or go blind. Michelle and I parted, and I instantly felt the loss. I sighed under my breath and turned back to my own food as the other two did theirs.
As I got up to dispose of my trash and leftovers, I feared that Cassius would expose my dark secret.But, when I returned, they were discussing movies, not my feelings.I let out a sigh of relief this time. Cassius winked at me as Michelle turned her attention towards me.
“You liked the Nightmare before Christmas?” She asked, looking up at me in awe. I nodded, “I did. But now everyone has me burnt out on it.” She shrugged, “Why do you care what other people do? It‘s like what you told me when I was upset last week because someone was making fun of me. You told me that it didn’t matter what they thought, as long as I liked myself. What you said made me think, that if you act so cool and confident, why do you care about other people like if you like it too?”
I gulped as I looked into the passionate eyes of the friendly confrontational being, “Um… Ok?”
She giggled, and then hugged me yet again. And in that instant, I realized she had been kidding. I chuckled and hugged her tightly back.
School ended that Friday, and I called her that night. Our conversation is not remembered as of now, but I’m sure it was just laughter and who liked who. It was that October day that I asked if she wanted to sleep over for the third time. She said yes.
Saturday night came slowly, but when I heard the doorbell ring, I raced to it. And there she was. She was the thing that kept me sane, whether I was high on my recent heroin addiction or not.We embraced. My family was at the neighbors’ house, so I lead her to my room. We laughed and chatted aimlessly. And then she asked, “How come you never say who you like?”
My expression must have frightened her, because she stammered out the next sentence, “I mean, it’s just odd, you know? You always know when I like a guy, yet, I know nothing about anyone you like…” She looked sad now, even though her face was still pink.
I shrugged, “It’s just not… I don’t know…” But inwardly my heart was beating a dynamic, wild beat.Michelle smiled encouragingly, “You can tell me, Ardith, I won’t hurt you.”
I shrugged, “Cassius.” I lied, telling her the name of a guy whose sexuality she didn’t know.She giggled and cooed, climbing up the ladder of my bunk beds to lie on my bed.
“Hey.” I mock chided, “Off my bed with you.”She chuckled and tossed a pillow at me as I climbed that ladder. She squealed indignantly as I straddled her, pinning her to the mattress.
My breath was coming faster and faster, my eyes half-lidded, “Michelle…” She looked nervous and licked her lips before replying, “Yes?” it came out a squeak.
“I’m going to kiss you like I would Cassius.” And with that said, I dipped my head lower to touch my lips to hers.
Neither of us was prepared for what I did next. My tongue skimmed over her bottom lip, and she gasped, opening her mouth; in shock or passion, I do not know, even to this day. Our tongues slid together in a wet dance. We were sharing our first kisses, with each other, but it was damn good.
I relied on instinct and put my hand in her hair as if I could draw her even closer. Then, I pulled away roughly as reality and my mind shrieked at me for what I was doing to my best friend.
I got up and let her breathe again, rolling onto my butt, and sitting cross legged to stare at her, gauging her reaction. She looked lost and dazed, and incredibly sexy. Her lips were red and shiny from my kiss, her eyes glazed with passion. Suddenly, she flung her arms around me and kissed me back, her tongue searching for mine. And again, we lost ourselves for a moment. Until I heard the front door open.I yanked myself from my reverie.With a sigh, I straightened my shirt up, along with hers. And we looked at each other in surprise. Neither of us said a word.


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