To the dearest to be 7th grader who gazes upon this note.
By now you have a taste of the flavors of middle school. Is it delicious? Well, 7th grade is a little different. You are in the middle, you are no longer the bottom of the food chain, yet you still have people crushing you from up above. The excuses you had in 6th grade have gone behind you, but you do not have the privileges of those in the grades to come. Essentially, you are stuck in between, with those magic changes, and most of the time you feel awkward and full of snot.
The first thing happy about 7th grade, *Laptops!!!* -Insert exciting xylophone music- Yes, you can now *drumroll please* TAKE THEM HOME! Alas, when you are at home, you may not, I repeat, may not use them for your own, non school activities. (We don’t dare ask questions as to what they are, just know, you are not allowed to do it... Whatever it is you are even thinking about doing, just don’t) Being the mature veteran middle schooler that I am, I will encourage you to not play games or anything on your sacred laptops. I will not tell you, that teachers don’t check your history unless your behavior is questionable, and I will not tell you that most of them don’t care anyways. I would tell you that, but I am mature, so that is a fact... *insert cough here* that I cannot release.
Math class: I am afraid to inform you, but you have been living a lie. The things that you learn in math class (beyond algebra) really is not used in the real world, unless you are going to be a mathematician, scientist, or contractor. Psh nerd. “I knew it!” you are thinking, but alas, that smells for you, cause you have to learn it anyway. Oh darn, 7th grader, oh darn.
Lies the authority tells you (to keep you quiet) and the sad and terrible truth:
Lie: Guidance counselors are here to help.
Truth: They are actually here, because they were kicked out of The Underground Lair for Cheesy People, and were sucked into the school industry via... The Man. The thing that happens is in fact a terrible thing. (Why do you think they close the door?) What lies beyond the less then ajar doors, is the councelors supposedly there for guidance, who then rip off their faces, and feed on you through their exposed nerve cells. They are condescending, and believe you to have the intelligence of a two year old duck.
Incoming 7th grader (who was previously home-schooled) : So is there anything else I should know about going into middle school?
Picklebutted Counselor: Well, when you’re hungry you can’t go to the refrigerator to get food, you have to go to lunch at a certain time, in the cafeteria.
Incoming 7th grader: ... Aw darn.
This is very sadly a true story.
Lie: The food here is healthy, and will give you nutrition.
Truth: Sure... if you’re a fly. The pizza is dipped into a vat of delicious grease. You could essentially wring out the pizza, and have enough grease to fry your cat in. Eating this titanic meal is a probe of your internal organs, and a test of your overall endurance.
Lie: Social studies class, is social studies class.
Truth: At times, you read books in social studies. “Social studies books?” You might ask. No, not social studies books, but novels. Fictions. Things you do not read in social studies class. Then, you must do projects on them. These are projects that would normally be eaten in Language Arts class. Especially for you, my dear friend, who will not have language arts class with your social studies teacher. This will be especially difficult, seeing as most of the time other children have a chance to work on this so called “social studies” in their language arts class. Yes, yes, you feel the unfair, you feel it bad. Then, my dear sasquatch, you are expected to do the work they did in class, at home, on top of your other homework. You are expected to whip out your magic wand, I SAID WHIP IT OUT, and become a magician, and do the entire project without explanation. Due dates and directions are all explained while you are out being smart, and you are expected to know them, without being told. (See this is where the magic wand comes in) Oh the perils of being smart.
Advice to the wise: So most likely, you have already seen the affects of popularity. I assume you have the established “popular table.” What I have to tell you is... dun dun DUN, it doesn’t matter. *ahhh cliche, it burns!!!* It is in fact true. In 7th grade, you get a lot of people who grow a pickle up their... nose. There are the people who have a lot of money, are really good at sports, wear a lot of makeup (for girls), or get all the girls (for guys.) Sounds familiar right? Yeah, it doesn’t change. All I can say is don’t try being popular, it makes you lose your real friends, and makes you look very desperate. Also, don’t go out of your way to be different, because then are you are same as everyone else who wants to be different. *Gasp!* So all you have to do is be yourself. *OH NO! ANOTHER CLICHE* Don’t follow the people on top, because do you really want to be like the rude, gossiping, “I laugh behind your back” people? Who really likes them anyway? Outside of school, you aren’t going to have people following you, and complimenting your every move, so you better get used to it now. You’ll never be remembered for being like everyone else.
All in all, 7th grade stinks, but you’ll live. Don’t let the teachers get to you. Just do your best, and pass in your homework. If the teachers tell you that you didn’t try enough, or your work is “pathetic” (that word is very often used) don’t argue, and just know that you did your best, and some of these teachers are brats and have a lot of growing up to do.
Watch out for Ni-hoa Kilan, because she is around every corner. Look for signs of Tabitha. No one knows what she truly looks like, but she loves cheese. She will show up. Have fun, and may the narwhals be with you.
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