My legs bounce, my hands tremble, and my breath is shakey. I pace and I pace and I pace. I bite my lip and my hands pull frantically at my hair. My eyes twitch and search the room. My skin has goosebumps, the hair on my arms is standing up straight. My whole body is shivering, but the air is not cold. There is no way out.
My fists are clenching and unclenching. My teeth are gnashing and trying to chew something up. I am stressing each muscle and then unstressing it. Bugs are swarming underneath my skin and I don’t know how they got there. My knees buckle. I grab and pull at my arms so tightly and desperately that I leave red marks, but I don’t mind because I like the hurt. I like that it distracts me. But it doesn’t distract me enough.There is no way out.
My heart is thrashing, I could rip it out of my chest, and I wouldn’t even miss it. My breathing is heavy and it makes a noise, an angry bear with long claws and venomous teeth. My ears hear everything, and every buzz bothers me. My eyes can’t find a space to focus on. My lungs can’t be working right because I’m breathing in, but I’m getting no relief. I feel dizzy. My brain is bombarding me with billions of thoughts, screaming at me all at once. My mind and my body are no longer connected. I am claustrophobic, I am suffocating, I am terrified. There is no way out.
I have energy tearing through my veins, but not the good kind. I need to get out of here, take the keys and drive to a far away land. I need to get outside and run until my legs can no longer carry me. I need to scream until my my lungs are useless and no more sounds can be made. But I can’t. I’m not only trapped inside these tight walls, I’m trapped inside my own head, and that is a place much harder to escape. There is no way out.
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