The one who got away

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
An old love, that keeps popping up.

Submitted: January 29, 2014

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Submitted: January 29, 2014



The one who got away

Ever get a feeling when you hear a song? Like actually listen to the words being spoken? How much they touch your life, how much it relates to you. The way it speaks straight to the heart, it gets you thinking. The thing is it can happen with a thousand songs, but the feeling remains the same. Explaining a feeling is like explaining love. Let’s face it the harder we try to explain a feeling the more we go crazy. It wasn’t fate that brought up together 2 years ago, or was it? Was it was by accident? You were running late, and so was I. How was it that we both ended up at the same place at the exact same time?  Those questions will always running through my mind. How is it after 2 years we barely talk? The occasional “hey, what’s up?” was all that was said between us. Our passion was want everyone wanted, the feeling of love on fire. Love is no walk in the park; it takes 2 people hard work and commitment to stay together. You know what they say nothing worthwhile comes easy! Countless times I will catch myself singing “where would we be now” and I wonder what if things were different, what if you knew how much I loved you since the day we met?

This girl she was smart, beautiful, sexy, determined, she always knew what she wanted. I on the other hand have no clue as to what I want in life. Her name was Blair, about 5’3, weighs less than 100lbs, skinny, had braces and her smile was a beautiful thing to see. The day we started talking we went for a walk that night, it was a chilly April evening. I was drinking since I was at a grad party, her on the other hand was laughing at how I could not work my phone. Then I just gave her my phone, so she could actually type things right instead of sending tests that never made sense. I never knew what it was about you that just made smile. Her smile was like a drug to me, it definitely put me into a better mood. We would always meet at the park and just talk, a swing our lives away. It was a moment in my life I will never forget. She opened up to me about her mom passing away, her dad, everything about her. All of this made me fall harder for her.

We never “dated” but we were in love. I have no idea why but I hurt her bad. I told her I never loved her and that sometimes people drift apart. It was all a lie, everything I said to her was to make her move on without me. You see I don’t know what I want and I don’t think it’s fair to bring other people down. I usually run away at the first sign of commitment. She tried for so long to hold on to something I knew was there but pretended it wasn’t.  I moved on fast, I think I was with another girl within a week. Blair, well she didn’t, she was lost and confused. While I was with the new girl, Blair and I would always talk, no matter what I always said I would be there to listen. But one day she asked me out, I was shocked and confused, and was dating someone else. When I told her, I think she just gave up on love altogether. She might have lost hope, and so did I, how could I have left an amazing girl who wanted all the things I wanted.

Soon after she moved on, dating a new guy, we lost contact for a while about 6 months of not talking. Until my breakup, I tried to talk to her, tell her what was going on. I needed a friend to listen to me vent, but I realized I had lost her. Her new relationship was very controlling, he would not let her do anything and she always had to ask to go and do stuff. I took the hint and just let her make her own mistakes. Again we went into a talk less drought, this time for about 3 months. Her dad called me and asked if I wanted his car, I said sure. Free car, and a chance to see the girl that got away. I wasn’t going to pass this one up. When I arrived at her house she was not at home, I had not spoken to her in a while and she had no idea I was at her house. Then she pulled up, I did not look at her face but I wish I had. I missed her, I knew what we had was special and it meant a lot. I did not even say a single word to her, just watched as she got out of her car, grabbed her things and walked unto her house. I was wondering what she was doing, maybe looking out the window to see me, or maybe she didn’t care anymore. After her dad finished up putting the plate on, I left. It was hard to see her and I didn’t even have her phone number. Then I decided to facebook her, we talked for a little bit and then I gave her my phone number so we could text. We talk on and off for about a week, I knew the feelings were coming back to me about her, and I wasn’t sure what to do. I kept on telling her she needs to read my story, to truly understand what I was doing 2 years ago. She hasn’t read it yet, and I am not even sure if I want her too.

After that week of texting, I decided I was going to write her a note. It basically said nothing about love, nothing about a relationship, all it said was you need to read my story and I am very sorry for hurting you. I have not got a reply yet, I didn’t even put my name on the note. I left it on her windshield at school, maybe it got lost, and maybe she read it and didn’t know who it was from. I could not tell you want is going to happen next. It’s up to her to decide if she wants to start talking to me. Until the moment we talk in person I will truly know if she has feeling for me. Until then, I will wait.  

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