Wolves Against Pants, Scene II: Address the Dress, Not the Man

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A group of intelligent if easily side-tracked college students get together for a study group that descends into chaos.

Submitted: September 11, 2012

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Submitted: September 11, 2012




Setting: In the appartment. The door has slammed shut behind Alita who is in the common room with Cadfan, Ula, Canagan, Lowell, Daciana, and Rollo.


Cadfan: Alita, I presume? Well met--I'm Canagan's brother, Cadfan [he offers his hand for a shake].


Alita [shyly]: Um, yeah, nice to meet you. [Canagan slowly begins to slink away from her general direction]


Daciana: Very nice, I'm sure.


Alita [to Daciana]: What's your prob--


Ula: As everyone's here, would it not behoove us to begin?


Lowell: Perhaps it is that we have already begun. Is it not possible that by the mere act of gathering in this very place that--


Alita: You don't want to wait for Horus?


Rollo: He's in the process of paying his debts to Professor H. Why he couldn't have arrogated the burden to me--


Ula: Canagan, I somehow doubt the efficacy of group study from across the room.


Canagan: Equal in rights we may be, but we are not equal in proclivity nor expression of said proclivity! I defy your imposition of conventional study--


Alita: Oh my gods--that's my dress!


Daciana: And here I thought tohave  believed you when you said an eye examination was not in order. Oh, my shaken faith.


Alita [to Daciana]: One more word and I swear to--


Ula: Daciana, a word, if you please. [She and Daciana walk into the corridor where the common area may still be seen and heard.]


Cadfan [background]: Canagan, why don't you do us all a favor and--


Ula: While I understand that it's abhorent to your to--


Daciana: Do you?


Alita [background]: Get out of my dress you--


Lowell [background]: Ah, Canagan, have you now achieved the object of your desire with the awareness of your person that the others--


Ula: For the sake of preserving a sense of academic integrity--


Daciana: You would speak of integrity even as you would cajole me to betray my nature--


Rollo [background]: If attention was your objective, you should have--


Daciana: --and deny my name?


Canagan [background]: Unhand me! you diminutive, aborted spawn of indoctrination by public education and mainstream--


Lowell [background]: It does make one wonder, does it not, whether there is not some tacit acceptance of indoctrination even as there is protes--


Ula: Alita's proficiency in the subject renders her--


Alita [background]: I will slap you upside the--


Daciana: Obviously.


Rollo [background]: Alita, if there's to be any violence, you should allow me to be its instigator--


Ula: Kindly condescend to answer me this: why are you here?


Canagan [background]: I'll not allow such proliferation of misogynist sentiment in my presence you narrow-minded, dogmatic demagogue!


Daciana: Am I to take it that you were truly unable to prognosticate thus far, sister?


Canagan [background]: Women have every right to violence as--


Cadfan [background]: Ah, Ula? Might I ask it of you to exert your influence over my bro--


Ula: Daci--


Daciana: 'Twas a rhetorical question, obviously.


Rollo [background]: Have I metamorphosized into some phantom unseen and unheard that you would not first ask--


Ula: How obtuse of me. 


Lowell[background]: Perhaps it is that you are a figurative ghost, friend Rollo. [Ula and Daciana move to join the others] Might it not be that there is a one whose repressed nature finds voice in your--


Ula [joining them in the common room]: If I may command the attention of the room! There've been some rather fundamental changes to our plan of action. Firstly, Daciana and her boyfriend shall excise themselves from the scene.


Rollo: So long as I've a hand in said--


Daciana: Predictable.


Ula: All others are at liberty to--


Alita: Ula, get this fool out of my dress before-- [Daciana and Rollo begin walking away]


Canagan: How dare you! How DARE you! [speaking to Cadfan] Remove your hand from my breast at once you--


Cadfan: Becalm yourself, Canagan. It was naught but an honest--


Lowell: What would it mean for him to take charge of his emotions in such a way that was contrary to his intrinsic--


Ula: Canagan, surely there is some way to raise awareness that would be more condusive to--


Canagan: I am an innovator in the field of social science!


Alita: You're a man in drag! You're an attention-whore who's so cheap that--


Canagan: Ula! Behold how the world does impugn my noble endeavors! Nay, these experiments are of such an immaculate essence that the world must attack ad hominem, attack the lowly mortal him--[Alita knocks him out with a punch]


Cadfan: ...Normally, I'd have qualms about un-dressing anyone without her or his cognizance, as it were, but I've a feeling that my brother would agree that a woman is entitled to her property, friend Alita.

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