Wolves Against Pants, Scene II: Address the Dress, Not the Man

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A group of intelligent if easily side-tracked college students get together for a study group that descends into chaos.

Submitted: September 11, 2012

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Submitted: September 11, 2012

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Setting: In the appartment. The door has slammed shut behind Alita who is in the common room with Cadfan, Ula, Canagan, Lowell, Daciana, and Rollo.

 

Cadfan: Alita, I presume? Well met--I'm Canagan's brother, Cadfan [he offers his hand for a shake].

 

Alita [shyly]: Um, yeah, nice to meet you. [Canagan slowly begins to slink away from her general direction]

 

Daciana: Very nice, I'm sure.

 

Alita [to Daciana]: What's your prob--

 

Ula: As everyone's here, would it not behoove us to begin?

 

Lowell: Perhaps it is that we have already begun. Is it not possible that by the mere act of gathering in this very place that--

 

Alita: You don't want to wait for Horus?

 

Rollo: He's in the process of paying his debts to Professor H. Why he couldn't have arrogated the burden to me--

 

Ula: Canagan, I somehow doubt the efficacy of group study from across the room.

 

Canagan: Equal in rights we may be, but we are not equal in proclivity nor expression of said proclivity! I defy your imposition of conventional study--

 

Alita: Oh my gods--that's my dress!

 

Daciana: And here I thought tohave  believed you when you said an eye examination was not in order. Oh, my shaken faith.

 

Alita [to Daciana]: One more word and I swear to--

 

Ula: Daciana, a word, if you please. [She and Daciana walk into the corridor where the common area may still be seen and heard.]

 

Cadfan [background]: Canagan, why don't you do us all a favor and--

 

Ula: While I understand that it's abhorent to your to--

 

Daciana: Do you?

 

Alita [background]: Get out of my dress you--

 

Lowell [background]: Ah, Canagan, have you now achieved the object of your desire with the awareness of your person that the others--

 

Ula: For the sake of preserving a sense of academic integrity--

 

Daciana: You would speak of integrity even as you would cajole me to betray my nature--

 

Rollo [background]: If attention was your objective, you should have--

 

Daciana: --and deny my name?

 

Canagan [background]: Unhand me! you diminutive, aborted spawn of indoctrination by public education and mainstream--

 

Lowell [background]: It does make one wonder, does it not, whether there is not some tacit acceptance of indoctrination even as there is protes--

 

Ula: Alita's proficiency in the subject renders her--

 

Alita [background]: I will slap you upside the--

 

Daciana: Obviously.

 

Rollo [background]: Alita, if there's to be any violence, you should allow me to be its instigator--

 

Ula: Kindly condescend to answer me this: why are you here?

 

Canagan [background]: I'll not allow such proliferation of misogynist sentiment in my presence you narrow-minded, dogmatic demagogue!

 

Daciana: Am I to take it that you were truly unable to prognosticate thus far, sister?

 

Canagan [background]: Women have every right to violence as--

 

Cadfan [background]: Ah, Ula? Might I ask it of you to exert your influence over my bro--

 

Ula: Daci--

 

Daciana: 'Twas a rhetorical question, obviously.

 

Rollo [background]: Have I metamorphosized into some phantom unseen and unheard that you would not first ask--

 

Ula: How obtuse of me. 

 

Lowell[background]: Perhaps it is that you are a figurative ghost, friend Rollo. [Ula and Daciana move to join the others] Might it not be that there is a one whose repressed nature finds voice in your--

 

Ula [joining them in the common room]: If I may command the attention of the room! There've been some rather fundamental changes to our plan of action. Firstly, Daciana and her boyfriend shall excise themselves from the scene.

 

Rollo: So long as I've a hand in said--

 

Daciana: Predictable.

 

Ula: All others are at liberty to--

 

Alita: Ula, get this fool out of my dress before-- [Daciana and Rollo begin walking away]

 

Canagan: How dare you! How DARE you! [speaking to Cadfan] Remove your hand from my breast at once you--

 

Cadfan: Becalm yourself, Canagan. It was naught but an honest--

 

Lowell: What would it mean for him to take charge of his emotions in such a way that was contrary to his intrinsic--

 

Ula: Canagan, surely there is some way to raise awareness that would be more condusive to--

 

Canagan: I am an innovator in the field of social science!

 

Alita: You're a man in drag! You're an attention-whore who's so cheap that--

 

Canagan: Ula! Behold how the world does impugn my noble endeavors! Nay, these experiments are of such an immaculate essence that the world must attack ad hominem, attack the lowly mortal him--[Alita knocks him out with a punch]

 

Cadfan: ...Normally, I'd have qualms about un-dressing anyone without her or his cognizance, as it were, but I've a feeling that my brother would agree that a woman is entitled to her property, friend Alita.


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