Wolves Against Pants, Scene III: A Bathic Reverie

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A group of intelligent if easily side-tracked college students get together for a study group that descends into chaos.

Submitted: September 11, 2012

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Submitted: September 11, 2012




Setting: Canagan reclines on a couch reading a book. Ula enters the room and perches beside him placing a bookmark between the pages. She proceeds to take the book from his hands and places it on the coffee table.


Canagan: Ula? It's the middle of the night--what ails you? What foul spectre of repressed desire has disturbed your sleep?


Ula: Twas no spectre, Canagan, but fever most palpable. [He places the back of his hand against her forehead]


Canagan: By the gods, Ula--how you burn! [She catches his hand in hers and begins to slide it down her face]


Ula: Tis a fire that engulfs my entire person. So you must, you must, forgive me.


Canagan: You've done me no injury; I do not--


Ula: Alas, I have. Twas my sole intent to bring you into my conflagration.


Canagan: Yet you have refrained from so doing. I am unscathed, but fain would I have burned to be your quietus. Why, Ula? Why would you suffer needlessly?


Ula: My heart I can and shall deny, for I am bound by my avowals. 


Lowell [entering]: What heavenly body could compare to my fairest Ula? The Sun? Nay, for there is no light so warming, so salubrious, as that which exudes from her smile. The Moon? Nay, for there is no orb that renders such gentle pleasure as does the swell of her bosom. The stars? Nay, for there is no stream of pearly light for which I list the more than--


Canagan: Stay your tongue you warped and inaccurate reflection of my reality! I am the author of this dream, and I refuse to relinquish my lucidity!


Lowell: What evidence have you to back such a claim of auteurship? Is it not more likely that I, the part of your psyche incarnated in this familiar form have brought you here to bring those matters to your attention to which you pay no heed when conscious?


Ula: I do sincerely beg your pardon, my beloved Canagan, but I regret to inform you that I, too, am in league with Lowell-Canagan. Tis not that I--


Canagan: Oh, cruel and implacable Fate! What offense have I rendered unto you that you would turn my very mind against my will and purpose? Oh, spiteful gods that do stir the mortal waters! Why do you make me your plaything? Is this, then, my life's purpose? To provide amusement to those who deign to watch my miserable strivings? What is it that elevates you gods to your patronizing tiers? Do we not breathe the same air? Inhabit the same world? Gaze upon other worlds with that self-same feeling of wonderment? Immortality--tis all that you possess that separates you from me!


Lowell: Immortality--a lasting. Such a thing will ever elude you. Never shall you come to know its unutterable mysteries. You are but an actor in an ill-conceived and ephemeral play. Once you've had your scenes, you will vacate the stage, never to return.


Ula: But Canagan, my heart's desire, be of good cheer, for there is no sane human questing for such an eternity on this Earth.


Canagan: Ah, me! Sane, I am not. There is a madness coursing through me as I live and as I dream.


Ula: Tis the very reason that Lowell-Canagan and I have staged this intervention. Your madness is love unrequited and unrequited shall this love remain. There are not enough hours in forever itself to instill Ula with that love for you that both fulfills and transcends the platonic.


Lowell: She--


Canagan: Ula bears no great love for you either, so commiserate or return to that miasma of the mind from whence you came!


Lowell: At least I've the presence of mind not to waste my time pining away for a--[he vanishes in a puff of smoke]


Ula: Lowell-Canagan did not of his own volition vanish! Who now controls this--[she moves a hand to Canagan's face]


Canagan: Ula! I cannot ask it of you to betray Lowell. He is a friend, nay, a brother to me.


Ula: Likeswise shall I not coerce a violation of that trust. But, please, send me not away without first answering me--what am I to you?


Canagan: Oh, Ula. You are the Sun, the Moon, the--no, not the stars.


Ula [bemused]: Wha--


Canagan: You are she to whom I have given my single heart. With the knowledge that you are a being cohabiting the same world as I suffusing the cavity beneath my breast with light, I shall stand on the far side of this divide for an eternity.


Ula: Oh, despise me not, Canagan, for your words inspire the thief in me, and, from you, I must steal a kiss. [She leans slowly toward him when Lowell re-enters the room with sundry bottles]


Lowell: I've come to the conclusion that it's in my best interest to commiserate, and, as an appeasement, I've brought spirits.


Canagan: Oh, for gods' sakes! How could you have failed to notice that I was having a tender moment with my beloved, you--[Ula slaps him across the face and takes a bottle that Lowell proffers]


Ula: Cheers. [She takes a drink]


Canagan: You! You summoned him you enchanting but conniving witch!


Ula: How could I have done otherwise? I saw where you were about to take that scene--you'd have had me shooting stars! And after all that talk about resolute pining!


Lowell: That's justifiable outrage, my good man--have a drink. [Canagan takes a bottle he offers]


Canagan: What loathesome bathos! [He takes a drink] 

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