Chocolate Underwhere?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
"When Daddy Grows Up"

A compilation of short stories involving my childhood, my children and my experiences as a father of 2 girls.

Submitted: August 14, 2010

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Submitted: August 14, 2010

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What is that? I wondered. I held them up and looked in amazement. At the age of 46, I am much too young to resort to adult diapers and I am a bit proud of myself for being responsible for not having any “accidents” in my shorts. But this is ridiculous! I sat there in the bathroom, early in the morning trying to figure out why or how I got so many stains on my underwear. Yes, I know this sounds disgusting, but read on. It’s not as bad as you may think.

There were stains all over my underwear and I could not figure out where they came from. Then I noticed something even more unusual...the stains were on the OUTSIDE of the underwear not the inside. So, I slowly pulled the underwear closer to my face. Like the first person who decided, “let’s try eating that thing that came out of that chicken’s butt!” I thought of doing the unheard of....I sniffed it. It was chocolate! First of all, I am relieved there is nothing wrong with me. Secondly, how did chocolate get on my underwear? My next thoughts were: if I have chocolate stains on the outside of my underwear that would mean there is a matching stain somewhere in my bed as that is where I just came from. I pulled back the blankets of my bed and there on the sheets were two large stains of chocolate. I had spent the evening sliding around in chocolate! For some that may not exactly sound all that bad but I choose to wake up somewhat clean from an evening of slumber.
After my shower and getting dressed, I pulled the sheets off and carried them downstairs. Upon my decent down the stairs I made a small detour into my daughter’s bedroom to awaken her before I left for the day.

“Erin...” I began while displaying my chocolate stained bedding to her. “Would you happen to know the reason why I slept in chocolate last night?”

She smiled and asked, “Didn’t you get the chocolate I put on your pillow?”

“Obviously not. Was it in a wrapper?” My thoughts now wandered what happened to the missing wrapper.

“It didn’t have a wrapper, it was just a plain chocolate I put on there because I love you Dad.”

“Thanks for that but you see, when you put a naked chocolate on my pillow, it becomes one with my pillow unless I see it immediately,” I explained as scientifically as possible to my teen genius with a temporary lack of common sense. “Please don’t do that again.”

After starting the laundry and preparing for the day, I noticed an open box of Junior Mints on my kitchen counter. This is what Erin had placed on my pillow. I said goodbye to Erin for the day and as I pulled out of the garage and began to lower the garage door, it began to rise again. Erin approached me and tapped on my window. I lowered it for her to hand me something.
Erin smiled mischievously and said, “Here Dad, I brought you a Junior Mint.”


© Copyright 2020 Gordy Allen. All rights reserved.

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