How I Truly Feel

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
How I truly feel.

Submitted: December 17, 2010

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Submitted: December 17, 2010

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I feel like everyone is trying to destroy my life.
Like I can never live up to their expectations.
Like I am a failure in their eyes.
I feel like I am suffocating in this cruel world.
I don’t understand what they expect from me.
I feel like I am being punished for being myself.
I feel like there is someone always there watching me.
Like they are waiting for the moment I slip up.
For the moment I do something wrong.
And when that moment arrives they are going to hurt me.
Like everyone hates me and is leaving because of me.
Because of the way I am.
Because of the way I act.
I have never felt this way before.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I don’t know how to deal with this.
I need to disappear for a while.
I need to do something.
I need to die.
That’s it!
I am going to kill myself.
That is my answer!
People do it all the time.
Why cant I?
I already cut my wrists and thighs.
Why not just finish myself off?
I am going to do it.
If shit doesn’t stop.
If shit doesn’t straighten out.
I can’t do this anymore.
Wait!
How can I kill myself when I am already dead?
I have no more thoughts of happy things.
I only think about death and nothing else.
No one cares about me.
No one knows I exist.
My father wants me to die.
Should I listen to my father?
My sister is calling me.
Should I listen to what she has to say?
Should I do what she is telling me to do?
She is telling me to join her in the cold, dark ground.
Should I do it?
I am doing it!
I am dead!
I am fucking dead!!!!
 
 
~Elizabeth Marie Stubbe~


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