Hearty Sam, and the Bastard Fish.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A short story that happens to be one of my favorites that 'I' have written.

Submitted: August 04, 2011

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Submitted: August 04, 2011

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"So there I was! stuck between a prize winnin fish, an a watery grave..."

"There were no way I was guna cut the line, despite me' sister hollerin' at me, 'CUT THE DAM THING ALREDDY YA ARSEHOLE!!', but I knew that if I diddent, id probly be pulled in, and drown in the bossim of me mistress the sea."

"But then, I ad' me a moment, there before me, as I tugged and heaved at the rod, appeared a magical green fairy! and E' spoke to me, tellin me that if I let go 'o' that fish, he would come to my house and brutally murder me in es' sleep!, soz I made me decision!, I took another swig o me absinth, unsheathed me huntin knife, bit down on it hard, and dived me fat arse into that sea with one idea in the pit o me stomach!, Fish!"

"I spent the next ten minuets fightin' like Russell Crowe after a night on the town, I slashed at is' head an' managed to gouge an eye out, but e' was too fast! The bastard swung round an slapped me in the face with es' enormous tail, an tried to escape,but, determined, I grabbed old' 'o' is' tail and bit me teeth down so hard I could taste the omega 3 spillin out from es' blood!, in a rage, e started mindlessly bashin at me, cutten me deep, blood spewed from our wounds , makin' it hard to see, and I was startn' to realise that me air ad' run out, but I pressed on! If i'm guna die down here, soz he!".

"I took a few seconds to gather me strength, then I re arranged me knife in me hand, and with one powerful movement, I pulled back me arm an' swung me blade with all me might, and I stabbed the thing into the back of is' ed' and ripped the knife down along es' spine to the tip 'o' es' tail".

"A few second e' spent, gushin' blood all around me, an' trien all e' can ta' swim off, but a cut like that!, not even that 'super' fella could survive that!. Lifeless , I proceeded to drag my prize back to me boat, an' back to me 'bitch' of a sister, who probably expected me dead!.."

"An then me boys!, I ate the poor bastard for dinner the next night!, Har!! Harr!!, bit tough though!!".

(An uproar of laughter and cheers can be heard seeping out into the night from the bar of drunken sailors.)

(Intended for comic form)

By Grace de Vos. (2008) (Rewritten : 29/4/2010.)


© Copyright 2020 Grace de Vos. All rights reserved.

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