Feeling Spirit

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
A reflection on the path to self acceptance.

Submitted: November 17, 2013

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Submitted: November 17, 2013

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I can sit here and feel sorry for myself, that’s easy.  I can say to myself, “you’re not good enough” over and over again.  I can make myself believe that people are doing me a favor by being around me and listening to what I say and paying attention to how I feel.  Or I can even make myself believe that I owe something to them in return.  Maybe I do, but I doubt it. 

Ah, feelings.  Who needs them?  Maybe they are just another fleeting thing to try to cling to. 

Is love a feeling, or is it defined by how it’s shown?  Maybe it’s just pure acceptance, and of course unconditional.  But doesn’t that mean once you love someone you can never really stop?  Is it altruistic or must it be returned with equal force?  Are there different kinds of love?  Or does love always come from that same place of wanting to be a part of someone, and for them to be a part of you?  Or just parts of them?  Why not all parts?  Wouldn’t wanting only parts of them make it conditional?

Or maybe when we really do love, we love the parts of a person that can’t be seen, can’t be encapsulated or even put into words.  It goes beyond the personality and the face that is shown to the world.  That indescribable part of a human being is the part that requires no proof of worthiness, and does not need to earn the love of others.  It has no specific purpose other than to just exist. 

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I wrote these words a long time ago.  After I wrote them, I didn't think of any of this again until I dug out my old notebooks and found this.  I think since writing this, I’ve been on a journey to try to find a way to accept myself.  Along the way, I think I have become more in touch with the very inner parts of my being.  I have a better understanding of what my true intentions are- and I think all they really are is to know and understand people, to hear their stories and learn something from them.  I want to love just to love, and I want to be accepted and understood without the constant worry that I don’t deserve to be.I want to be able to connect with the indescribable parts of other people- the part that I consider to be the spirit of a person.  No matter what forces are at play and what factors are present outside of a person, the spirit is unfaltering and does not change.  It just is.


© Copyright 2020 Grace Eden. All rights reserved.

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