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Golf Fairy Tales

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
If you’re not a golfer, you may not want to read this. Because golfers are a lot smarter than other people, and it may just go over your head. Let’s face it, you don’t stand a chance when I hit you with my best reverse psychology. And, golf is just a metaphor for life. Read on…

Submitted: January 31, 2015

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Submitted: January 31, 2015



Second Chance

A long time ago, a young golfer was making a name as one of the best in the game.  He’d won a major.  He’d won 18 professional tournaments before his 34th birthday.  Then something changed.  He could still hit shot after shot on the driving range, just as well as before.  But on the course, the confidence was gone.  The scores ballooned.  The wins and the top tens vanished.  After a number of frustrating years, he retired.

But he didn’t quit.  He started a second career as a golf announcer.  This year marks his 17th season, first with ABC, now with CBS.

The moral of the story is, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.  The name of the golfer is Ian Baker-Finch.


Different Kinds of Books

There once was a lady who liked to play golf.  But she didn’t look like a golfer.  She wasn’t tall or athletic looking like most of the stars.  She had a very slow swing.  No one else swung the club like she did.  She didn’t hit the ball very far.  People made fun of her game.

But she hit it straight, and hit it on the green, and made a lot of putts.  She won consistently, and almost never finished out of the top ten.  And she is now the number one ranked female golfer on the planet.

The moral of the story is, you can’t judge a book by its cover.  The name of the golfer is Inbee Park.


The Tall Skinny Train That Could

In a land far away, a teenage girl with amazing golf skills tried to do the impossible.  She tried to take on the men.  She had a little success, but mostly she missed cuts.  At first she was a media darling.  Later they knocked her off their pedestal when they realized she wasn’t meeting the expectations they had set for her. 

Also, she wasn’t having much success playing against other women.  She was good enough to keep her job and make some money, but she was not a top player.  That was when she did something remarkable.  She went to college.

Why would someone making money as a professional golfer go to college?  She didn’t pick just any college, she attended one of the most prestigious schools in the land.  Wouldn’t all that time studying interfere with golf?

Maybe she was like that little train.  The one that didn’t make it up the hill on the first try.  So she tried a different strategy.  Go to college, be a normal kid for a while.  Earn a degree.  A way to start over and do something pretty cool at the same time.  Then try the hill again.

She made it up the hill on the next try.  She is the current US Open champion, and is in the top ten of the world rankings.

The moral of the story is, if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.  The name of the golfer is Michelle Wie.


Patience is a Virtue

Once upon a time, a young boy had a poster of Jack Nicklaus on his bedroom wall.  He grew up dreaming of breaking Jack’s major record, and he became a dominant golfer at an early age.  After three US Amateur wins and an NCAA championship, he turned pro.  In his first twelve years as a professional, he won 14 majors.  He was well ahead of Jack’s pace.  A marriage to a beautiful woman led to two healthy children.  He created an amazing charitable foundation and began designing golf courses.  His name was known well beyond golf circles.  He became a billionaire.  He was on top of the world.

But injuries began piling up, and poor judgment in his personal life cost him his wife and damaged his reputation.  His fall from grace was swift.  He changed coaches, caddies, and his swing.  When the knee healed, the back went bad.  He won some tournaments during a brief period of good health, but no majors for six years.

Many pundits declared his career over.  Greg Norman said he would never win another major.

He didn’t listen.  As of now, he is healthy and seems to be happy, but the game is terribly rusty.  Yesterday, he shot a career worst score of 82.  Professionals never score over 80 unless they are playing in a hurricane. Comparisons are being made to aforementioned Ian Baker-Finch.

There is a lot of space between where he is now and what it takes to win a major.  He knows that, he’s crossed that space before.  Despite the poor wishes of some people, and his current place in the golf world, this tale does not have an ending yet.

The moral of the story is, it ain’t over until the fat lady sings.  The golfer is that guy, you know, the one who once won four majors in a row.


The Great Gatsby

I’m not kidding.  This really did happen a long time ago.

Long before Tiger Woods, even before Arnold Palmer was born, professional golf was in its infancy.  The amateur game had been around for centuries.  When professional golf came along, the rest of the golf world looked down on it.  Often, pros were not allowed in the clubhouse when they played in a tournament. 

Along came a flamboyant, confident, well dressed professional who would have none of that.  Once he rented a limousine, parked it in front of the clubhouse, and used it to change into his golf attire.  He ruffled feathers enough to get banned from the home of golf, St. Andrews. 

History has recorded him as a man who helped legitimize professional golf.  Today’s professionals benefit from his efforts.  He didn’t do so bad on the course either, only guys named Nicklaus and Woods have won more majors.

The moral of the story is, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.  The name of the golfer is Walter Hagen.  And 48 years after they banned him, St. Andrews made him an honorary member.

That’s all I got for now.  As long as it keeps happening, I’ll keep making up stuff about it.

Author’s note:  I wrote this a few weeks ago and one of the tales is already out of date.  Mere minutes before publication, teen phenomenon Lydia Ko finished second in the LPGA Coates Championship, good enough to overtake Inbee Park as world number one.  That is oK.  Inbee knows what to do next.  It’s the same thing she’s been doing.  If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

© Copyright 2019 Serge Wlodarski. All rights reserved.

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