Are you in love with a mask?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Tolls from an emotional roller coaster

Submitted: May 07, 2010

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Submitted: May 07, 2010



I've had a lot on my mind lately... Things that I want to say to certain people but can't bring myself to do it. There are things I want everyone to know but can't find the words... I know that I am not perfect. I know that I can be strange, and outlandish, sometimes even stand offish, but how can greatness be acheived if I care more about everyone else succeeding before myself? How can I do some of the things I want to do without hurting some people around me?

I thought I knew love once. Maybe not the true kind, but enough to think it would last... I ran a marathon, emotionally speaking, to keep something... someone, in my life, because the delusional finish line looked better than what it really did. I dealt with things that a relationship shouldn't endure, but stuck through it. That little voice in my head telling me, \"Tomorrow will be a better day.\" What a crock of shit! I try to look back at what it was I thought I was doing, because everyone else thought I was crazy. And sadly I was... My family watched the ups and downs and sat there. One amazingly great friend said things, in hopes to help, and unfortunately struck out. To this day, I cannot thank her or repay her enough. I still stuffer a little bit. Dizzying after effects from the emotional rollercoaster that took me for a 3 year ride.... And the worst part about it, I didn't just get it from my signifigant other, I got it from this individuals family, and friends and previous lovers and their friends. What a drama encased circle it was. Why did I involve myself in that? But I was made to be the bad person... I was the one doing everything all wrong. Or at least that was what this person branded my brain with. It got to the point where, I couldn't be around this person and if I was I still felt lonely, nor could I be myself. Countless times I wondered, how can this person 1) treat me this way and still say \"I love you\" and 2) say \"I love you\" if all I am, is a mask? Do you love the mask? Do you love the beauty, & the mystery of the person behind the mask? Both, such unimportant and obscure things to love. And surely, if it's the mask you love, than you truely don't LOVE anything. You are obsessed over somethings beauty and intruige. Can you love, or has your relationship hopping parents made you incapable of it? I do have sympathy for you because of them.

There was a point in my life prior to you, I was so independent, & strong. But your controlling, demanding, and demeaning ways I truely believe have scarred this mysterious person behind the mask for good...

And for that, I hope you truely get everything you deserve...

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